Sunday, October 19, 2008

"Renting" a Womb

I can not thank all of you enough for your continued support! You women are truly amazing!

Well from the title of my post you can probably guess that we are taking a new path on this journey. J and I decided that it's time to move on to surrogacy--we are emotionally exhausted and want to start living our lives again. Honestly J was ready to take this path after Myles's death, but I wasn't ready yet. I needed to try with my body again. Now after two more losses I'm feeling like it's time and I'm ready. I'm a little nervous because it's something new and completely unknown, but more than anything I feel a sense of hope that has been absent since Myles died.

I really, really wanted to experience pregnancy again. I wanted to feel the special connection to the growing baby moving inside of me. I will mourn the loss of this. However, I will celebrate knowing that my baby is growing in a safer environment. Also, I will hold on tighter to the memories of Myles moving and kicking inside of me. This will be something special that I shared only with Myles. This is one of the amazing gifts that Myles gave me. My future children and I will not have this, but they will have their own special beginnings.

My wonderful cousin, K, her supportive husband, T, and her two boys want to make our dreams come true. They are ready whenever we want to move forward. J and I decided that we are ready to start as soon as we can. We establised that K's insurance covers a surrogacy pregnancy, which was a huge relief, and I contacted an attorney to discuss the legalities of using a surrogate in WI. Fortunately WI is "surrogacy-friendly" and makes establishing parental/legal rights to the baby quite simple. We are hoping that K can get in for her testing at my reproductive clinic in November. In the meantime the four of us will meet to go through the contracts, which should be fairly simple since K and I spent several hours discussing everything this week. She and I are meeting again this week to talk more. K is our angel--our angel of hope!

23 comments:

Heather said...

Niki, I think this is a wonderful, brave choice for your family. I think you're such an amazing selfless person to go this route. ((Hugs))

Irish Girl said...

Although I understand the conflicting emotions you feel about not experiencing another pregnancy and the bonding you felt with Myles, I also think this is an amazing path, too. I couldn't be happier for you, Niki! Yeah!

Dora said...

Niki, I'm so glad you're finding peace and hope with this decision. Families are being created in wonderful new ways. A generation ago you and I would not have had a whole lot of options.

So, first play date, NY or WI? :-)

Mrs. Spit said...

I'm so glad, this sounds like a wonderful option. . .

Natalie said...

Oh this is wonderful! What beautiful people you have in your life.

Lost in Space said...

I'm so glad you have found your next step on this journey. I'm sure this was not an easy choice to make. I hope it is able to bring you your heart's desires. Many hugs as you move forward.

Theresa said...

I'm so excited for you, your husband, and for your cousin and her family. What an amazing gift she is giving you, and what an honor you are giving her. I hope that by this year, your dreams of a healthy child will have been accomplished.

Intending To Be Parents said...

I am so excited for you that you have such a wonderful cousin who is willing and able to help you in this way! I will be cheering you both on!

Heather said...

Niki, I can actually *feel* the hope through your words; I'm so happy for you and J. What an exciting time for you both! Contintued prayers of support for you.

mylifechronicles said...

Oh wow... you are so brave! I am glad that you are ready for such a huge decision. And its so amazing that one among your family has offered to help. May God bless her. I am rooting for all 4 of you!

Lisa said...

Niki - ((HUGS)) right back at you. I cannot imagine how grueling this has been for you and J. I agree that this is a beautiful path and that you are a brave and amazing woman.

travelaunt7 said...

Niki,
Your cousin is a wonderful human being, as are you for being so strong to make this decision. I wish you the best of luck in this next phase.
Linda

Tiffany said...

How exciting and amazing. That is wonderful news. Looking forward to hearing all about your journey.

Bree said...

Niki~ You really are an amazing person! Congratulations to you, your husband, and your cousin and her family. What a beautiful person your cousin must be to want to share in this amazing journey with you and your husband. I'm sure Myles can't wait to start looking after his little brother or sister. Much love to you all!
Jacob's mom

Anna said...

Niki, I am so excited for you and J and this new journey you are embarking on. I can imagine it was a very tough decision to come to for all of the reasons you mentioned. I wish you nothing but smooth sailing as you all push through this. I am stoked for you!

Amber said...

What an exciting move forward! It's only natural to mourn the pregnancy phase of motherhood, but it sounds like you are embracing this new journey with an open heart. I'm hoping only the best for you.

SMK said...

Niki,

Very excited to hear you are considering a different path. You are truly an incredible lady.

Tara said...

I came here from LFCA and just wanted to say you're in for a great adventure! :) We have a son born via surrogacy and it was and continues to be so amazing. I'll be following along and hoping for the best for you. You have wonderful friends in K and T.

Elizabeth said...

Hi, I'm here from LFCA. We are pursuing surrogacy as well, and it's so wonderful that you have a cousin ready to help you.

Erin said...

I came over from LFCA as well. My sister is currently 6.5 weeks pregnant as a gestational carrier for my husband and I. We originally pursued IVF because my husband has a genetic thing that made IVF our only choice. Got pregnant on our fourth cycle (three fresh, one frozen). I developed preeclampisa/HELLP at 23 weeks. Fletcher was born at 25w3d on 12.01.06 (my name links to his blog). I felt like you did about the pregnancy, but was too terrified to go through all of that again, so I am right there with you. I have a new blog for my surrogacy cycle, but it is private (if you want to take a look you can send me your address at esmykay(at)yahoo).

Good luck!
Erin

~Denise~ said...

Niki, I am so happy for you. Sending all my best to you!!

Me said...

Just wandering over from Lost and Found to wish you congrats on making such a big decision. I hope it brings you the long awaited RLB. :)

mom23greatgirls said...

What a wonderful gift. I'm so happy that you guys have some new, renewed hope to look forward to and I hope that K is able to get into the doctor soon!