Sunday, February 28, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
I snapped this photo of the boys during their photo shoot last weekend (Silas is on the right and Liam is on the left). Our dear friend, M.S., is a professional photographer and as a gift to us gave us a photo shoot with the boys. I'm anxiously awaiting the proofs of the photos. I have no doubt that they will be amazing! Although I'm not even a semi-professional photographer, I think this photo is adorable! I love how Liam has his little leg stretched out--too cute!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Two years ago a giant hole was ripped through my heart. Two years ago my world came crashing down. Two years ago my life changed forever. Two years ago today I said good-bye to my first-born son, Myles. The pain may not be as sharp today as it once was, but it's still very much there. I may not cry as often or as much as I used to, but I still shed tears for my son. I miss Myles just as much today as the day two years ago when I held him in my arms and watched him fade away. I love you Mr. Myles and will remember you always!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
On Friday we brought the boys home! It was a very emotional day for me. I cried tears of joy and cried tears of fear. I couldn't wait to bring the boys home, but was scared to death to findally do so. I think up until the point of putting them in our car it still seemed surreal that they were ours. It was as if we were going through the motions and falling more and more in love with these two little cuties, but I felt as though I was waiting for someone to pull the rug out from under us. The moment the nurse helped us load the boys into the SUV and we drove away from the hospital it became real and that's when the tears really started to flow. Crossing the threshhold of our door also hit me hard--this was the thing that we never got to do with Myles. I flashed back to, February 16, 2008, the day when we walked through the doorway to our house without Myles. It was finally happening for us we were finally bringing our children into our house. Liam and Silas are alive and well and they are our children. After a five year journey filled with heartache and devastation we have arrived at our much anticipated, longed awaited destination--we are finally parents to not just one living child but two living children! Our dream has finally come true and we have K (and big brother Myles) to thank for this most amazing gift!
We are settling into a routine and things are going well. At night J does the 10pm to 2am shift and I do the 2am to 8am shift. After 8am we tag team the responsibilities, which we continue throughout the day, but after J goes back to work in 2.5 weeks I'll be on my own for the daytime care (well with the help of my mom, neighbors, and friends). I'm quite amazed at how quickly the days goes by. I can't really even tell you what we do all day other than feed babies, change diapers, clean bottles, laugh at the funny faces the boys make, cuddle them, and admire the boys while they sleep. We are so in love and are already enjoying our new lives!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
COULD THOSE TWO BOYS BE ANY MORE DARLING?
I am of course a biased aunt, but I find them to be handsome and perfect in every way! You should see mom and dad dote over them, Niki and J are over the moon in love with these two precious little souls, and I for one could not be more excited for the four of them! They have been so fortunate to have Myles watching over them through the last week, these boys are making all forward progress on their eating, and I think they have a special big brother to thank for that. What a perfect family!
I am one week post c-section and finding that five years makes a bit of a difference on my body, I previously was recovered when I got home, but this time I'm having just a few more aches and pains, nothing to complain too much about, I just have to keep telling myself, OLDER = SLOWER... Thankfully, my staples were removed last Thursday and now I just have steri-strips which are much more comfortable. My boys are happy to have me home, but are far more excited for their next visit with Liam and Silas. :-) Oh and I have to tell you, when the boys met Liam and Silas last Sunday, it was priceless to see Liam turn his head a bit and open one eye as he clearly recognized Kolbe's (the loudest voice in our family at the age of 5) voice. Too funny.
Liam and Silas are stars around here. We have been on the news and in our local newspaper, both such beautifully written stories. It was nice to show people that surrogacy stories do have happy endings. So many people, even strangers, wrote to say "you just gave me goosebumps, its rewarding to know that there are still good people left on Earth" I found those words touching! I don't often think of my role in this journey, but rather focused on the end result, getting Niki and J healthy baby(s). So people's kind words post delivery have helped me realize the gift given. A gift I wouldn't change for ANYTHING!
I just wanted to stop by and say thank you to all of you for your support of Niki, J and I through this journey and Niki and J's journey with Myles. I never knew a cyber world like this existed, and have found such peace here! Love and well wishes to you all!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
The local TV news featured a story on our surrogacy journey. It was the headline story tonight called Twice the Gift. I think they did a nice job for a short news piece. It's so cute that at only 5 days our boys are already celebrities! :)
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Sorry for not posting an update sooner. As you can imagine I'm pretty wiped, but most definitely not complaining! I'm madly in love with these two little peanuts and won't let sleep deprivation keep me from enjoying my dreams come true!
Both Liam and Silas are still in the Special Care Nursery. They are making great progress, but can't go home until they get better at feeding and gain some more weight. Both boys lost weight, which is expected, but haven't quite mastered the suck, swallow, breath stuff without tiring easily. Monday the pediatrician wanted to incorporate bottle feeding into our routine, so I was nursing, bottle feeding, and pumping every three hours. This meant that I'd get 1-1.5 hours of sleep at a time for about a total of 4 hours a night (the hospital gave me a room to stay here with the boys). Today we started using a supplemental nursing system, which seemed to be a better alternative for the boys, because they only had to "work" once instead of twice to get their food. Also, the boys have been given NG tube feedings to help them grow while they're improving their feeding skills. So far the boys have only been given my breast milk (and K's colostrum), but I presume my frozen supply will run out soon. At that point they'll be given formula along with the breast milk that they get while nursing and from the little I pump. I have to admit that I'm unsure how I'll be able to maintain this routine when I'm home, but I'm happy that I'm doing what I can now.
Liam's and Silas' personalities are already showing. Silas is my "wild child"--he likes to move about more and really gets demanding when he wants to feed. Liam is a little more laid back and patient. Liam is a great nurser and immediately takes to the breast, but Silas is a little more pokey. He prefers to let his brother get the milk to let down before he begins his feedings. Although both boys like to cuddle with mamma, Liam is my little snuggle bunny. He just loves to cuddle skin to skin with me after he feeds.
J is such a great daddy! He's very confident in his abilities to change diapers, give baths, and handle the boys. It melts my heart to see him loving his boys! Today J went to work, which just so happens to be at the same hospital where the boys are staying, and came to visit them several times. After work he was telling them how much he missed them and gave them kisses. It was so cute!
The Grandmas and Grandpas came to visit again today and finally got to hold the boys. I think it made their day!
I've been reading books to the boys. I started with big brother Myles' favorite book I Love You Stinky Face. I talk to them all the time and feel fairly confident that they can now recognize my voice. When I talk to them they turn their eyes to me, which warms my heart! I look at them and sometimes can't believe that they are mine. I am so very, very blessed!
K is doing quite well too! She's coming to visit the boys tomorrow and I know they are excited to see her! I know I am! K said she'd post an update, so I'll let her fill you in on how she's doing.
Our local newspaper wants to do a feature story on us, which is pretty cool, so tomorrow the photographer is coming to take some photos of us and on Friday the reporter is coming to interview us. When the article runs I'll make sure to put a link on the blog. I'm delighted that a heart-warming, beautiful story of surrogacy is going to be shared with the world. I think our story is one of inspiration and hope, so I hope others enjoy reading about it.
Off to feed my boys ...