No U/S today

Yesterday afternoon my RE, Dr. S, called me to personally congratulate us on the pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Myles he did the same thing and I thought it was so sweet! He asked me how K's feeling and what she thinks about carrying two babies. He went on to tell me that he's very pleased with the first u/s and that he's fine with not having another one for two weeks. So, we cancelled the u/s for today and won't go back until 7/23 for another look at the babies. I was a little disappointed that I wouldn't get a look at them until after my trip, but now I think it will give me something to look forward to when I return!

Several people have asked me how I'm feeling and for the most part I'm feeling optimistic and hopeful. However, I have to be honest that last night fear crept in and I started the obsessive googling of topics ranging from normal embryonic heart rates at 6wks to pre-term labor with twins. I promised myself that I wouldn't do that, so I need to get a grip. When I return from Alaska I plan to talk with my therapist about strategies for coping with the fear and anxiety. Of course the easy solution is to not visit Dr. Google, but that doesn't always work for me when I'm in a moment of weakness. Being in Alaska will help over the next week until u/s #2 because I'll have limited access to the internet.

Updates on K and Asha

Update on Wonderful K: K's bright red spotting on Friday was followed by a little brown spotting this weekend, which has tapered off. K continues to be ravenous. She told me that her hunger is so bad it's comparable to morning sickness. Today K was just as hungry as she's been, but to top that off she's now feeling nauseated. I wish I could do something for K, but there's not much I can do. I made K some gingersnap cookies and plan to buy her some candied ginger to chew on to help keep the nausea at bay. I had mild nausea throughout the 1st trimester while pregnant with Myles and found the candied ginger to be helpful. Although the symptoms are bothersome to K, they do give me some added reassurance that things are still going well with the babies. I read that often times when carrying multiples pregnancy symptoms are amplified, which I suspect is why K's hunger is so intense. I just hope the nausea doesn't intensify as the pregnancy progresses.

Update on Asha (my sweet little tabby cat): I realized that you might be interested in knowing how my little princess, Asha, is doing. Remember she has chronic renal failure (CRF), which we've been treating since April '08. You may recall that back in late May-early June when Asha's kidney function values were off the charts we assumed (as did our vet) that she was likely in end-stage renal failure and that her life would soon come to an end. I was devastated and spent many nights crying. We decided to remove the IV lines that were providing her daily fluid and began administering daily sub-q fluid again, which seemed to put Asha in better spirits. She began eating well again and was back to her normal self in about 3 days. As I sit here today typing this my little "purring machine" Asha is sitting on my lap!

I took Asha to the vet on Thursday morning because she was acting a bit off and we assuemd that her kidneys were further failing. Much to our surprise her kidney function levels were back down to slightly above the high-end of the normal range (elevated, but good for a CRF cat). It turns out that the poor thing has a UTI, so now she's on antibiotics too. The unfortunate thing about this is that it negatively affects her appetite, which is a constant battle we face with CRF, so I'm doing my best to get her to eat. The good thing is that we still have her and she's enjoying life. We are grateful each day we get to spend with her!

Red spotting and an early ultrasound

Today while I was driving back from a funeral I got a phone call from K saying that she was having red spotting, so she called her local ob to request an ultrasound today. K told her ob that there was no way that either of us could wait for the appointment on Tuesday--we'd both be total nervous wrecks over the weekend. The ob was my ob and he's been my gyn for years and knows how I am, so he squeezed K in for an u/s at 2pm. Unfortunately I was about 3 hours from home at this time, so I couldn't make it. K's mom, my wonderful aunt L, accompanied her.

I was sick to my stomach waiting for K to call me with the news. Finally K called me and said "your babies are fine". I wasn't quite sure that I heard her correctly, so I replied with "our babies?" and K said yes "babies". She proceeded to explain that the u/s showed two gestational sacs in the fundus of her uterus. Both sacs contained fetal poles measuring 6wks 1day with heart rates of 109bpm and appropriately sized yolk sacs. The ob couldn't find any source of the bleeding, but assured K that bleeding isn't uncommon during the 1st trimester. My RE's nurse said it could be from the highly vascular cervix and reiterated bleeding is much more common with multiples. Of course that doesn't put K or I at ease given our history with bleeding, but we are reassured by her ravenous appetite and exhaustion in addition to the u/s findings. We both have a good feeling about this pregnancy and will continue to stay hopeful.

K came over as soon as we got home to give us the u/s pictures and I literally couldn't stop staring at them in awe. I still haven't stopped smiling!

Baby A (top; you can see Baby B's gestational sac below Baby A):

Baby B (shown between the + signs; sac looks funny in the photo but K says it looks normal)

We still have the u/s scheduled for Tuesday and may go if K keeps spotting, which would give both K and I some additional reassurance before I jet off to Alaska. If we don't go on Tuesday, then the next u/s will be on July 23. Please keep K and our babies in your thoughts and prayers.

Silence, Alaska, and K's symptoms

I find myself without words to express my swirling thoughts right now, hence the silence. I'm trying to be patient as we wait for the u/s, which is now less than a week away, by distracting myself with preparations for my Alaska trip. I'm taking 7 high school students to the Kenai peninsula of Alaska for a week long Eco-edventure. We are going to explore temperate rainforest, trek on massive glaciers, sea kayak with marine mammals and birds, cruise the waters on a 26-foot boot in search of orcas and humpback whales, meet native Alaskans, and participate in community conservation projects in conjunction with the US Forest Service. We're not camping, but we're not staying at a luxury resort either. We're staying in a hostel called Moby Dick in Seward. I'm looking forward to the splendor and beauty of Alaska!

Many people have asked me how K is doing and I'm guessing the rest of you are wondering too, so I thought I'd give you an update. Overall K feels good. She's had cramping typical of early pregnancy and has been been feeling extremely exhausted. K says here ( . )( . ) are huge and sore. She's also starting to feel hungry all the time.

I'd be lying to you if I didn't say I'm a little anxious about Tuesday's u/s. Tonight at dinner I told J that I'm worried that we won't see a heartbeat or that there won't be a baby or that ... (insert any fear you can think of). J reminded me that worrying is normal and that there's really nothing any of us can do at this point. Everything is out of our control and we can't change the outcome, but we can control and/or change our attitude and outlook. So, I continue to work hard to maintain a hopeful, positive attitude despite my fears. I can honestly say that overall I do have a "good feeling" and am optimistic that we will get good news on Tuesday.

Emotional teeter-totter

As I stated in a previous post I am trying to enjoy each day that K is expecting our baby(ies). My cousin, H, posted this quote as a comment and I think it's wonderful:

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles; it empties today if its strength."

I think that so many of us infertiles struggle with worrying on a daily basis (I know I do) and can use this reminder.

Now that I've said that I have to be honest with you--I am having somewhat of an emotional dilemma. I seem to be teetering between hope and fear. I am excited, hopeful, and optimistic (note the new pregnancy ticker). I dream, yet I still have those nagging fears that creep up. I think about how many other times we've been here and how we are still without a living child. It doesn't help that there are a few people IRL close to me who ever so kindly remind me of this fact (as if I've forgotten!). Yep, I have friends who "can't be excited for me yet" or don't really even congratulate us on the good news and they say it like they are reminding me that bad things can happen. I find this to be seriously annoying and hurtful because I know first-hand what kind of bad things can happen (5 miscarriages and a dead baby are my reality in case you forgot), yet I also know that good things can (and do) happen. So, I'm trying to balance this emotional teeter-totter. Clearly I can't rid my mind of my past experiences (or tell the nay-sayers to shut the hell up and let me enjoy the moment while it lasts), but I also know that I can believe that this time will be different! How do you balance the emotional teeter-totter?

Beta #2 is in ...

... 2123!!!

This gives us a doubling time of 1.73 days, so I'm feeling pretty good about that. K's progesterone is 41.76, so we're good there too! I'm hoping that they will reduce her PIO to 1 shot/day rather than the 2 shots/day she's been doing. She's also on Endo.metrin, so it seems like she's getting plenty of progesterone support. We'll get a call from the RE's office later this afternoon to find out about med changes and when they want to schedule the 1st u/s. K and I figured out that they'll want the u/s in two weeks, which is when I leave for Alaska, so we took the liberty of already scheduling the 1st u/s on 7/14 (the day before I depart). So, now we patiently wait for 13 days to find out what's going on in K's uterus.

If I had to guess, I'd wager that both embryos implanted. As you can probably imagine I've spent many hours obsessing over the first beta number and it seems that this level would be off the charts for a singleton (although not impossible). It seems as though the 2nd beta level is well within the range for a twin pregnancy and again quite high for a singleton.



I guess we'll just continue to speculate until we actually see first hand how many are growing in K's uterus. Either way we are ecstatic to be expecting again and continue to be impressed and amazed by K. We understand and fully realize that anything can happen, but are pleased to be moving in the right direction yet again. I continue to be hopeful that this time WILL be different!

Beta #1 is in ...

... 953!!!

When I called the local clinic to get the results of beta #1 (my RE won't call until beta #2 is in) my heart was racing and I was sweating. Oh and I was pretending to be K. The first words out of the nurses mouth were "your beta is really good", so I was expecting a strong number like in the 300's. However, I wasn't expecting almost 953 at 11dp5dt! I literally almost fell over and immediately blurted out that it must be twins. The nurse laughed and then I had to explain that we transferred two hatching blastocysts to "my" uterus (remember I was pretending to be K) only 11 days ago. She just said "oh" and I thanked her for her time. I have to admit that I'm thrilled to have such a strong number, but also a little nervous (err, about more than 2). Well the good news is that K is most definitely pregnant and we are definitely expecting at this point! The 2nd beta is on Wednesday, so please think doubling thoughts!