Thursday, February 12, 2009

Remembering Myles - 3 wks old

A year ago yesterday Myles turned 3 wks old. I took this photo of Myles on Valentine's Day last year. He was snoozing so peacefully. The little blue piece of fleece in the upper right hand corner of the photograph was a special piece of fabric--I wore it against my skin so it would smell like me. The nurses thought it would be comforting to Myles if he could smell my scent, so I would wear a different piece each day and we'd put the "fresh" one near Myles's head in the isollette. Myles slept on small pieces of soft blue fleece--mini "blankets" that one of the nurses and I made for him. I kept a few of them and sleep with one every night. It may sound silly, but it's comforting to me to have Myles's small "blanket" with me while I sleep. (Oh and in case you are wondering I do rotate the "blankets" and wash them regularly!) A close up of Myles sucking his thumb while he slept. You can see Myles's head lying on the little piece of fabric that I wore. I like to think that having my scent near him made him sleep better.

I love Myles just as much today as I did the day he was born. I miss him so much and think about him always. It really bothers me that so few people mention his name anymore. I think most are hesitant to speak of Myles in fear that I will have a breakdown at the mere mention of his name. Ironically it makes me more upset that I rarely hear his name spoken anymore. Just like any Mommy (and I am a Mommy) I am proud of my son. Just like any Mommy I love my son. Just like any Mommy I constantly think of my son. But unlike most Mommies I will never see my son again. I miss my son. I cry for my son. I long for my son. All I ask is that everyone remember and acknowledge I had a son and his name is Myles.

13 comments:

Duck said...

The pictures of him are great, it must be hard that not many people talk about him anymore. hugs.

SMK said...

Niki,
Myles was beautiful and Myles was special and absolutely you are a mommy! I totally understand what you mean... people just don't want to say anything to upset you. Asif the looks in their eyes are not telling us what they are thinking. I know that Myles is in heaven playing with Grace and Anna and all the other angels born too soon. Almost 3 years now and I still think of them every day. He will be in your heart for eternity. Myles with the smiles. Sending you virtual hugs!

Jacinta said...

Myles is a truly beautiful little baby. I love his little fingers. You can see how much he grew over time as well. He was adored and cherished every single day of his life.

Tom and Margit said...

Niki-I am so glad you are remembering Myles. And you are right, he deserves to be talked about you you and J deserve to ask how you are doing!
I have talked a lot about you and Myles lately. He is beautiful and so are you!!

Margit
HUGS :)

Mrs. Spit said...

Yes. I'll remember with you.

Caroline said...

Hugs to you and Myles Niki.

momsoon said...

Myles, through you, has touched my life-his (and your) courage is inspirational and I know that you have an angel in him watching over you.

I am glad that you are talking, remembering and letting us get to know his story-don't ever stop.

I think humans sometimes just don't know what to say to us through our losses and struggles.

If you have't gone through this, it is hard to imagine or describe.

I am holding you and your son in my thoughts-thank you Myles.

Bluebird said...

Oh, it is so hard to be a mommy, but not fit into the typical mommy mold. People don't quite know what to do with that, do they? For what its worth, we remember and acknowledge your sweet Myles :) I know its not the same, though - I do.

Oh yeah, and I also sleep with our babies' blanket :) Not quite the same - they didn't sleep with it and etc. like Myles, but they were photographed with it and I love it.

Lost in Space said...

What a beautiful idea, Niki. I am sure Myles loved having his mama's scent right there with him all the time.....

I'm sorry people don't mention Myles to you more. The 2 of you have touched my heart and I will never forget your sweet son. I know that isn't the same as IRL, but I still wanted you to know.

Sara said...

Niki- I love the pictures and the fabric is so cute. I'm sure it helped to comfort him as much as it comforts you now! I really believe the Myles has a lot to do with the miracle you are getting right now! He's watching over you and his sibling(s) always :) He is a beautiful baby, Niki.

Tanya said...

Myles is a sweetheart. He definately looks comfortable with his little blanket.

Lisa said...

Oh sweetie, hugs and hugs and hugs.

Dalene said...

What a wonderful way to love your little guy. I'm sure that he was very comforted by his mama's scent.