Monday, June 22, 2009

So it begins at 3-4dp5dt ...

... the obsessing and worrying that is. Last night I spent a couple hours on the internet looking at photos of high-quality blasts to compare to mine, reading about pregnancy rates with hatching blasts, and looking at hpt pics at 4-5dp5dt. I am officially now in my "normal" obsessive 2ww mode--uggh! I am incredibly anxious and I can't stop thinking about all of the possibilities, both good and bad. I sent K a text late last night asking if she was feeling any symptoms yet and this morning I awoke to her response that she doesn't feel anything yet. Although I know this isn't unusual for being only 4dp5dt, I feel defeated and convinced that the cycle didn't work. Now don't get too worried about me because this is part of the normal ups and downs for me in the 2ww. I haven't lost hope or anything crazy like that, but rather am working through my fears. I'm finding it really hard to prepare for the worst case scenario--a bfn! I haven't had a bfn in any of the other 4 IVF/FET cycles, so I'll be quite shocked to get one with such high-quality, fresh blasts.

Last cycle K's (.)(.) were sore on 4dp5dt, which is today, but she says that according to her journal she didn't notice it until later in the day. If she doesn't feel any tenderness tonight, I know I'm going to be sad. However, I know it doesn't mean a bfn. There are plenty of girls who don't have much in the way of symptoms, but still get a bfp. In fact, I didn't notice symptoms when I was pregnant with Myles until around 9dp5dt when my (.)(.) appeared swollen and the areola were darker and enlarged. So, I need to remain hopeful no matter how she's feeling in the next couple of days. K called to tell me that she's worried about the lack of sore (.)(.), but mentioned that she feels bloated sort of the feeling before af arrives. I told her that could be a good sign! I reminded K (and let's be honest me too) that some girls don't get any symptoms until much later. The plan is for K to POAS tomorrow, which makes me sick to my stomach to think about, so please think + thoughts for us! Please share your 2ww stories with us.

Note to self ... must find things to occupy my free time (which is abundant as I'm on summer vacation) for the rest of the week, so I don't spend every waking hour online obsessing!

16 comments:

Tiffany said...

Thinking of you. I too didn't have much for symptoms. On IVF #3 our blasts looked a lot like yours and were both hatching... twin boys! Hang in there.

Debir said...

Niki: Do you enjoy crafts of any kind? I don't know if you have done this already, but what about making a scrapbook for you and one for K (takes quite a bit of time and concentration), or volunteer for a week at the local animal shelter or Good Will. Maybe read that book you have been wanting to, or take a class you have been thinking about? Good luck hon, you know we are all praying and rooting for you!
Debi (SC)

Poppy said...

Hang in there...lots of people are pulling for you!!

darateacher said...

My symptoms were VERY different this pregnancy than with Aaron. During this 2ww, I felt like I was getting AF towards the beta time...pangs in my back, but not AF cramps.

Then, I felt LOTS of pulling in my uterus at night.

With Aaron, I felt total menstrual cramps for at least a week.

Every pg is different, and I'll bet ya that K is pg with a gorgeous baby for you! :-)

Jaymee said...

thinking very positive thoughts for you!!! also thinking some calming ones, too. i know that it will not help, but i am sending them anyways. (((HUGS)))

Sheri-ct said...

For both BFP cycles I felt a twinge (like someone was plucking me from the inside) 4dp3dt and I knew it worked, but my boobs NEVER hurt (still don't). I did get a metal taste in my mouth, but not everyone gets that. I didn't really have any craving for either, but couldn't eat chicken with the twins and couldn't stand the taste of garlic with this pregnancy. Every pregnancy is so different, so I wouldn't get upset if K doesn't get sore boobs (but I REALLY hope she does!). I'm keeping everything crossed for you and can't wait to read the update in the morning.

Sheri

Monica said...

Thinking positive thoughts for you...

suz said...

I had a negative HPT on my beta day and absolutely no symptoms and trudged off to get my beta anyway. It was 63 and that little embryo just turned two. I am very firmly in the "hold out hope until you have absolute reason not to" camp. With a track record of good embryos the odds are in your favor. Good luck!

Mike and Alicia said...

Sending STICKY VIBES your way!

Kris said...

Stick, embabies, stick!

Thinking lots of calming and sticky thoughts for you, J and K!

Natalia Ritchie said...

Good luck, I really hope this is the one....fingers crossed for you guys.

Erica said...

I scrolled down to see the blasts - they looked beautiful! I never did figure out how to NOT obsess during the 2 ww - part of my type A planning personality. We seem to have that in common. :)

Everything is crossed for you Niki! BTW - I didn't feel sore (.)(.) until at least 8 or 9 days past my 5 dt. Oh and I love the (.) sign. Too funny!

Keep hanging in there - you're a trooper.

Sara said...

Niki,
OMG, I'm the most obsessed worrier ever during the 2ww. Analyzing every little thing. Going from feeling super excited to down in the dumps and sure to be defeated. It's all so normal, especially for us 'obessers/Dr. Googler's'. I'm feeling great about the possibilites and sending major ++++ vibes to K tomorrow!!!!

Heather said...

Thinking of you guys...

Dora said...

Sorry I've been a terrible commenter lately.

There really is no getting around 2ww hell. Although, I actually did manage to give up obsessing about symptoms when I realized how many of them could just be from the progesterone. Hang in there, girl! Those were some gorgeous blasts! I'm sure one or both are digging in to K's beautiful lining.

Sarah said...

I can just feel your emotions from this post. Wishing you all the best for tomorrow's test.