Wednesday, June 10, 2009

No trigger tonight

Today's follicle scan (day 12 of stims) showed that my follicles are still growing, but that they aren't quite ready yet. So, it looks like I'll continue stimming tonight and will likely trigger tomorrow night for a Saturday ER. I had around 16-17 measurable follicles (+ several smaller) on the scan today and I have to admit that I'm disappointed. Last cycle I had around 21 measurable follicles by cd 12 and at ER the RE aspirated 25 follicles, but 6 were empty. I'm worried that if I have six empty follicles again that doesn't leave me many eggs to work with and I have to expect that a few will be immature and/or won't fertilize (we're doing ICSI). Oh and a handful of embryos will die while they are growing them in the lab. I'm not new to the IVF game and I understand that there's attrition at each step of the process, so this has me freaking out that I won't have many embryos this time. I wonder if I'll have 2 to transfer and I wonder if I'll be fortunate to have any to freeze this time?! Last time we froze 8 blasts. As a normally logical person I understand that my fears seem illogical, but I can't help myelf. I am a worrier--actually the queen worry wart to be precise. I feel incredibly guilty for complaining about this because I know that it could be much worse and that many girls in the blogosphere would kill to have this many follicles growing. I don't want to seem ungrateful because I'm not. I know I'm fortunate to be a good responder, to make high-quality embryos and to have such a wonderful teammate in K. But the fact of the matter is that I can't stop worrying and stressing.

My other stress is how disruptive this cycle is to K and her family. K took off work anticipating a transfer around on 6/13 or 6/15. Now because my body, well specifically my reproductive organs, just does what it wants the transfer will either be 6/16 or 6/18 depending on embryo growth and development. We anticipate a blast transfer, but you never know. Of course K is wonderful and tells me not to worry, but I feel terrible. Uggh! I just hope it's all worth it in the end.


Aunt Becky said...

I'm a longtime lurker and I wanted to pop by and express how excited I am for this cycle. And to make sure I told you how gorgeous your sweet baby Myles is. He's just a lovely baby.

Anonymous said...

Ugh. Sorry for the delays - I'm convinced that one of - if not the - worst things about IVF is the sheer amount of time spent waiting - and therefore worrying.

I know those numbers don't look great to you, but they are good numbers. And it sure sounds like K's in this for the long haul - she knew, coming into it, that things wouldn't go exactly according to plan, and I dare say she is being completely honest when she tells you not to worry about it. She seems like a lovely woman.

Hang in there. Thinking of you.

Heather said...

Thinking about you over the next few days. You and K make a great team, Niki.

Infertile In the City said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Infertile In the City said...

Hang in there Niki and K! You are both doing great, and trigger will be soon (life and IVF can be unpredictable) so hard to schedule. I am still following along and cheering your both on!

M said...

i'm excited for this cycle and commiserate with the annoyingness of the unpredictable. i know it is pointless to tell you not to worry, as i have never been able to follow that particular advice. but, it is what it is, and at this point, you are along for the ride. here's hoping it's a smooth one!

question? if you have 8 blasts frozen what factors made you decide for a fresh cycle instead of frozen? just wondering as i keep coming up against that decision...

Jaymee said...

i can only imagine how hard this has to be.

the worrying about k just proves what an awesome im you are. i know how you feel though, i worry all the time about how much our surro is giving up or having to do for us. she keeps telling me that she knows what she signed up for, but i worry, feel bad and mostly just feel guilty.

keeping you in my thoughts and sending you the best of luck.

Sheri-ct said...

I know you are worried and how stressful this can be, but you are having a GREAT response! I had cycles with empty follies/immature eggs and then I had some with 100% maturity, so you never know. Maybe the extra day is just what they need! Can't wait for today's report! Sending all my prayers your way!


Wewurtskihit said...

I know this is not really going to help you right now with all the stress and anguish but DO remember this:

It only takes ONE EGG!!

we had so few follicles and even less eggs to work with (only 2 good ones) and we had Tayleigh!!!

David Ben Gurion was once asked how the state of israel survived the initial onslaught of the Arab world. He responded (freely translated):

If you dont believe in miracles you are NOT a realistic person!!!!


Anonymous said...

I'm praying you have many blastocysts to freeze and transfer, and that K gets pg with your baby very quickly.

You've got some good growing follicles, there.

I remember the waiting for the ER and ET, as well as my FET last year. Seems to always take longer than expected.

You're very strong and you're moving forward, which is very tough to do in our situations.

Take care!