Saturday, January 31, 2009

Implantation Day

All day today I've been envisioning my two little totsicles burrowing into K's inviting uterus. I'm hoping that they are getting nice and comfy for the long haul! K's been having a good feeling about things. For all those who asked K will be testing towards the end of the week and I'll be sure to let you know the results.

I went out with my girlfriends tonight for sushi and wine. It was a great time. When we got our bill we got fortune cookies and mine reads "A shooting star tonight will bring you good luck tomorrow." Of course I want to interpret this as a sign, but the logical side of me finds it hard to believe in signs. However, I did get a similar fortune while having lunch with a friend at the very beginning of the FET that resulted in Myles, so I'm having a hard time ignoring this!

Although things have been busy with the FET to Kealy, I'm still remembering each day we were blessed with Myles. I continue to read my journal and the CarePage posts and comments. I am still moved beyond words by the amazing love and support of our friends and family. My mom's bff had our CarePage made into a book for us and I love it. I can reread all the comments that people made. The love that flowed through their words could be felt by all three of us. It was amazing!

Friday, January 30, 2009

Hey friends, it's me K (PUPO)

So here I am already almost done with bedrest (I think it went too fast frankly, I'm really enjoying it) and 24 hours since the transfer, and I feel like something magical is happening in there!

Yesterday was flawless, perfect and honestly magical! I can't help but be optimistic about it and am anxious for our first blood test (a week from Monday).

Thank you all for your kind words and support for both Niki, J and I! They deserve every bit of it and I appreciate it! Keep sending those sticky, happy thoughts our way!


Thursday, January 29, 2009


Sorry to make you all wait! J picked today to do some home computer work despite me repeatedly telling him how important it was that I be able to blog! He told me that I have a serious problem--an addiction to the internet. I think he's right, but that's a whole different topic.

As the title of this blog states K is officially Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise (PUPO). The transfer went very well! K's rock star uterus was perfect and readily accepted our two embabies! The ultrasound image below shows K's uterus with the fluid containing the embryos shown as the white dot next to the +.

Both of embryos came through the thaw perfectly. When they were frozen with Myles in July '07 they were graded 1.5 (similar to an A-) and they kept that grade through the freeze/thaw process. One of the blasts was fully rehydrated when the embryologist shot the photo below, but the other he said would catch up. They remove the water from the embryos when they freeze them, so they don't get freezer burned. They then rehydrate them when they thaw them, which I learned today only takes 25 minutes! The embryologist looked back through our records and said that these embryos are comparable to the two we transferred when we got bfp with Myles. I think they are beautiful, but I guess I'm a little biased!

The embryologist (pictured below with K and I) was so nice and spent quite a bit of time answering all of my questions. This was the first time I was fully alert and without drugs, so I could speak "science" with him. He told me that he gave a presentation in his former high school biology teacher's classes. I wish he could visit my classes--how cool! My new dream career is to become an embryologist--what an absolutely amazing job! Hmm, not sure that I'll have time to get another master's degree when the twins arrive! ;)

I was anxious until I was able to hear that the embryos had survived and looked great. K was cool as a clam the entire time! I think K is a great anti-anxiety drug because I was surprisingly calm and relaxed the whole time (after seeing the embabies). The acupuncturist even told me that K's pulses indicated that she was quite relaxed.

All in all it was an amazing day! In the last few days leading up the the transfer K's been saying bring on the magic. I am at a loss for words to describe how magical it felt today! I took photos of our day and couldn't figure out why they were so dark and tonight discovered that the flash was turned off. Grrr! I was so mad at myself for doing that! I'm a scrapbooker and archiving every moment of our lives is so important to me. I go and mess up the photos of something of ths magnitude and it just makes me so upset with myself! Obviously the pictures aren't the best quality because of the darkened room and no flash, but at least I have a few pictures of this magical day to put at the beginning of our future child(ren)'s scrapbook! Saying that makes me smile!
K looking beautiful before the transfer:

A nurse checking to determine if K's bladder is too full or not full enough:

The torture I mean transfer tools:

K, Dr. S, and me right after he ever so gently placed our snowbabies in K's womb:

K lying on the bed for 6 minutes after the transfer:

K did pre- and post-transfer acupuncture sessions with my acupuncturist. During the pre-transfer session she listened to her Ipod, sniffed Panic Attack aromatherapy oils (yes I brought this as I used it with all of my cycles), and relaxed. During the post-transfer session the Valium made her sleepy, so she took a nap. Here's a pic with K's legs full of needles:

This final photo is of us getting ready to leave the clinic. K, my wonderful GC, and me, the hopeful IM:

I'm hoping the next photo in this series is an ultrasound picture of our little bean(s)!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Myles--one week old

When I arrived bright and early the night nurses had put up a Happy One Week Birthday sign for Myles. As soon as I got there I sang Myles a little birthday song and read him "I Love You Stinky Face". J stayed back at the Ronald McDonald House to get a little extra sleep, so I had tons of alone time with my little boy. I just sat by his isollette and stared at him all morning.

Today was one of those days that all those with little ones in the NICU dread--the head scans for brain bleeds. J and I were on pins and needles all morning awaiting the news. Fortunately at noon Dr. J told us that all looks perfect--not even the smallest of bleeds was present. Another positive that occurred this day was that they were able to wean Myles down to just 1 blood pressure med (he had been on 4-5). This allowed us to breath a big sigh of relief for awhile. We were convinced that Myles was feeling the strength of all who are thinking of him, praying for him and cheering him on in his fight. I know we could feel all the love each and every day we logged on to his CarePage.

One of Myles's nurses gave him a "Rock Star" award today because he was having such a great day! We couldn't wait to tell Uncle J that his little nephew was already a rock start just like him!

Tomrrow afternoon I'll post pics of K and I at the clinic, our embryos, and an update on how things went at the ET. Keep sending all those positive thoughts our way!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Myles--6 days old & Surrogacy Update

Not much to say about this day. Family and friends were still visiting, but all left today in the early afternoon. J and I spent a lot of time just hanging out with Myles and chatting with the nurses. I continued to pump every 2 hours and was getting only a few ounces each pumping. I was really bummed about this, but given that Myles hadn't even been given any breast milk yet I was building up quite a stock of it.

I would catch Myles sucking on his hand or fingers and thought it was so cute! He didn't let that darn breathing tube stop him from sucking away. Here's a picture that I took showing how he'd suck on his hand. Myles looks so precious and peaceful sucking his thumb while sleeping as his friends watched over him.

BTW ... I appreciate all of you blogreaders following along and remembering Myles life with me. Your visits and comments mean a lot to me. Many hugs to all you wonderful people! Also, you may have noticed that I changed the days on my posts. I had them mixed up for some reason.

On the surrogacy front ... K's taking the PIO like a true rock star! She says they don't hurt, so either she's got buns of steel or her dh has the best technique around! On a funny note the first night K's dh did the shot he made a reference to how he used to have to give shots to pigs, so it should be pretty similar. K reminded him rather quickly that she's his wife not a pig! Hilarious!

In about 36 hours Dr. S will be placing our two snow babies into K's warm, fluffy, inviting uterus! It seems so surreal that the day is so close! I'm hopeful, yet scared out of my mind. It's hard to find hope in the wake of so much devastation and heartache. After awhile you start to expect only bad things to happen to you, but I think it's about time that something good come our way again!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Myles--5 days old

Several new family came to meet Mr. Myles on this day a year ago. My Aunt M and her whole family came. My bff J came to visit again and brought us some home cooked food. My other close friends A & K brought ginger cookies for us (these are J's fave) and they brought a separate container of the cookies for the wonderful NICU nurses. A & K brought two books for Myles: "I Love You Stinky Face" and "Where the Wild Things Are". These books will forever be special to me. I immediately started reading them to Myles and read them to him several times throughout the day. J loves to call me and our cats, Elvis & Asha, stinkies, so "I Love You Stinky Face" was a perfect book for Mr. Myles. Myles was our precious little stinky face ... we would have loved him even if he was a "super smelly skunk" or "a big hairy ape" or "a bug eating green alien" or even a "terrible meat-eating dinosaur". Our love for our little stinky face is unconditional, constant, and forever!

It was this day a year ago that we met one of the most amazing nurses, Patti. She was amazing with Myles and would quietly talk sweetly to him as she did his cares. Patti was the resident positioning expert in the NICU and did such a great job of getting Myles all snug as a bug (see pic below). Patti taught me how to calm Myles by gently bringing his little arms and legs close to his body. I would ever so carefully hold my hand over him and he would immediately relax. Patti made us feel much more comfortable touching and helping with Myles's cares. We love Patti and are still in contact with her today. I really think that Patti was Myles's favorite nurse too!

As you can see in the above photo we added a few more friends to Myles's isollette to keep him company. This day was another good, uneventful day for Mr. Myles.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Myles--4 days old

There wasn't much that happened on Myles's 5th day of life, but lack of activity in the NICU is a good thing. All of our immediate family, my parents, my brother and his girlfriend, J's brother, J's mom, J's dad and his wife, came to stay for the weekend. They all took turns talking to and cheering on Myles through the isollette portholes! Here's a great photo that Uncle Jeremy A. took of J's mom and dad admiring Mr. Myles:

Everyone repeatedly told us that Myles was cute and looked just like Josh. I couldn't agree more--Myles was a beautiful, little baby who had his daddy's nose and mouth.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Myles--3 days old

I have been reading my journal that I started the day I was diagnosed with preeclampsia. It's quite difficult to read the daily updates about Myles, but I want to remember each and every detail of his 26 days of life. Over the next 22 days I plan to do daily blog posts that chronicle Myles's life.

A year ago today Myles was only 4 days old and one of the neonatologists sat us down and told us that we should expect the worst. He told us to call and make arrangements with a local funeral home. The NICU doc said that his 20+ years of experience and a gut feeling told him that Myles wouldn't make it. Of course we were absolutely devastated, but we refused to give up on Myles. We spent the whole day with Myles telling him how much we loved him, how proud of him we were, we encouraged him to keep up the fight, but also told him that we understood if it was too much to continue. We held his little hands and feet and admired him all day.

Many of our friends and family came to meet Myles on his 4th day of age. My bff's, L & J, my parents, J's mom, and my brother, had all met Myles on his birthday, but a few others came to meet him for the very 1st time. Everyone who met Myles thought he was absolutely perfect and they all cheered him on! Auntie D and Uncle J brought Myles a little stuffed lion named Growwl. It was so cute and so fitting. A lion is a symbol of courage, so we put it in Myles's isollette to watch over him, to give him some company, and to help him continue to find the courage to keep up his heroic fight!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Remembering Myles on his birthday

Thank you so much for all of your kind words and birthday wishes for Mr. Myles. Several friends and family sent gifts, cards, emails, and called to tell us that they were remembering Myles with us today. We feel so fortunate to have so many wonderful people IRL and in the blogworld thinking of us and remembering Myles with us. Although I spent most of the day in tears, I have taken time to remember the miracle our son was and to think about how fortunate and blessed we were to have him. J and I did a variety of things together today to celebrate and remember Myles...

We started our day of celebration and remembrance by putting a bouquet of balloons at Myles's grave.

Our friends, M & J and the G & P familes, gave us gifts to put on Myles's grave. M & J gave us a little truck and the G & P families gave us a small teddy bear and birthday balloon.

J's Dad and his wife came to have lunch with us. They visited Myles's grave and left him a white rose.

J and I went to a local bakery to purchase a cupcake to share for Myles's birthday, but couldn't agree on a flavor so we each got one--I got chocolate indulgence and J got red velvet. We decorated our cupcakes with one candle, sang happy birthday to our angel and each of us made a wish as we blew out the candles.

We surrounded Myles's grave with the seven rainbow colored, star-shaped ice lanterns that I made last week.

The lanterns were absolutely beautiful glowing in the darkness and will likely glow through the night. I thought these lanterns would be perfect to commemorate the day our bright shining star entered our lives.

Our dear friends, G & P families, sent us an aromatherapy candle from Earth Mama Angel Baby, which we lit and are still burning for Myles. The candle is called "Light of My Heart" and reads--"I light this candle in celebration for all I know you would have been. I look into the light, feel the brightness of your spirit and the spark touches my heart. I am filled with the aroma, a tangible reminder of the depth of my love for you. As I extinguish the flame, the smoke rises giving flight to some small part of my pain. Your precious light will remain burning in my heart forevermore." I thought this was so touching and so true!

Happy Birthday Myles

At 10:45am a year ago today Myles Lee Anderson entered this world and forever changed our lives. Until that moment we didn't understand or know the true depth of love a parent has for their child. This unconditional, fierce love for Myles is still present in our hearts and will live on for the rest of our lives. We continue to be inspired by Myles every day and are continuing to live our lives by his example. Today we will remember the tiny boy who made our lives complete. Happy Birthday Mr. Myles! Mommy & Daddy love you!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Birthday preparations of a different kind

Well tonight was my first emotional breakdown of the week. J and I went shopping at the local home improvement store to buy the supplies for the upstairs bathroom remodel. It was a nice distraction, but then I went to another store to get birthday balloons for Myles's grave. I stood in the store staring at all the balloons and was overwhelmed by the selection. None of them seemed appropriate or good enough. As I scanned the rows of balloons I came to a balloon with Elmo on it that said "Happy 1st Birthday" and it hit me ... Myles would've been turning 1 tomorrow had he survived. The tears started to well up and I quickly picked out a basic, non-kid birthday balloon, bought it, stood there for what felt like an eternity while the young girl to blew it up, and practically ran to the car after she handed it to me.

Once I got into the car I burst into tears. J didn't know what was going on and I told him how things should be different. How I should be planning Myles's first birthday party. I should be making super cute birthday invitations to send to the family and friends. I should be baking a cute Elmo cake. I should be anticipating the delight of watching my little guy smash his hands into his cake. I should be buying decorations for a party. I should be buying fun toys. But, I'm not. I'm planning for a birthday celebration for a child who's not present on this Earth. I bought balloons to hang at my son's grave. I made star-shaped ice lanterns that I will place around my son's headstone. I will light the votive candles I placed within the lanterns around dusk. J and I will get a specialty cupcake from a local bakery and will place one candle on it in memory of Myles. We will quietly sing happy birthday and know that when we blow out the candle our one wish will never come true.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. & Mr. Myles

Last year Martin Luther King Day was on January 21. This is the day that Myles was born. Now this holiday will forever remind me of Myles. I remember thinking that there was symbolism in Myles's birth falling on this special day. Myles like Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr was strong and he similarly perservered despite all that was up against him. This is where I had hoped the similarities would end. However, as all of you know just like Martin Luther King, Jr. Myles left this Earth far too soon leaving his family heartbroken and lost. Myles's departure was similarly sudden and was an asassination of sorts. The culprits of this crime were preeclampsia, prematurity, and pneumonia. Although Myles and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. are gone, their lives and their fights will continue to inspire and encourage others.

A lining to envy

K's lining is nice and fluffy at 12mm just as we had hoped! Getting her phone call around 7am with the good news was just the way I needed to start this difficult week! It put a huge smile on my face to know that all is picture perfect on K's end. This is the type of lining I've always dreamed of having during my cycles. We are set for our FET at 10:30am on 1/29. I arranged for my acupuncturist to come to the clinic to do a pre- and post-transfer session with K--this will be her first acupuncture experience and I'm hoping it's a good one! Now we all need to start thinking positive thoughts for my two totsicles!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Beautiful K

Isn't K just as beautiful of a person on the outside as she is on the inside? This picture of us was taken today when we went out to lunch with our Grandma and some other women in the family.

K will be arriving at the clinic bright and early tomorrow morning for her lining check. She's going to text and/or email me right away to let me know the status. I'm thinking it will be nice and fluffy given the abundance of cervical mucus K's been having lately! (Sorry K if I'm giving away TMI!) Fluffy lining dust is coming your way K!

Saturday, January 17, 2009


Last year at this time I was lying in a hospital bed at Mayo Clinic. Two days prior I was transferred via ambulance to this hospital because the local one where I had been for a couple of days didn't have a Level III NICU. The day I was transferred I was diagnosed with severe preeclampsia when they discovered IUGR and reverse diastolic blood flow. You'd think I would've known that I would be delivering sooner than expected, but I didn't have a clue. When I left the local hospital my ob still said that he thought I'd make it to 28wks, so I went with that. When I was first placed on bed rest at home at 23wks I figured I'd be there bored out of my mind for the next 17wks. I had no idea that in three short weeks I would be delivering my baby and the hell that I would live in for the rest of my life.

As an avid scrap booker I am disappointed that I didn't take photos of the hospital room, the wonderful nurses who cared for me, me in the hospital, or anything! My excuse is that I expected to be there a lot longer and would have plenty of time to take photos for my pregnancy scrapbook. Now as I sit here getting ready to go scrap book with my girlfriends I think about how much is missing from my book. The last photos I have of me pregnant were taken on New Year's Eve and two that Josh took of my belly sometime during my home bed rest. In the photos of my on New Year's Eve I look puffy and swollen in the face and I wonder why I didn't notice it. No one else noticed it either. These were the signs that preeclampsia had already started to rear it's ugly head and given that Myles was the size of a 20-21wk baby it likely started right after my 20wk ultrasound.

Photos of me out on New Year's Eve:

My final pregnancy photos:

It's hard for me to think that a year ago I was blissfully ignorant. I was happily awaiting the arrival of the baby I'd spent so long trying to meet. I remember enjoying Myles's kicks and remember thinking how funny it was that he played "chase the baby with the monitor" games with the nurses. I remember the first day I felt Myles move--I was sitting on the couch eating dinner by myself as Josh was away at training for work. It was the most incredible feeling! A feeling that I envied in others for so many years. Every day after that day I felt Myles move and remember thinking how it was our little secret. A special secret that only Myles and I would ever know. I cherish those moments.

I can't believe that in 5 days it will have been a whole year since the traumatic morning when I was told that I had developed HELLP syndrome and that my kidneys and liver were shutting down. I was told that they had no choice but to deliver my baby at 26wks or I would die. My cherished, secret moments with Myles would no longer be.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


This is how I've been feeling the last two weeks. I haven't had one of my typical all out sobbing episodes. I'm back to the empty, numb feeling that I had in the few weeks following Myles's death. It's like my emotions are right there under the surface, but don't come out. It's like I'm always just on the edge of a meltdown, but nothing seems to happen. The tears fill my eyes, but don't roll down my cheeks. I feel like I should have so many emotions overwhelming me right now. I do feel such a mix of emotions, but think I'm truly feeling them. Maybe it's too difficult? Maybe this is some sore of self protection?!

I wonder if some of my numbness also stems from me trying to suppress my worries over the upcoming transfer to K. A little more self-preservation, perhaps? I haven't voiced any of my worries because I don't want K to think that it has anything to do with her--it doesn't! I don't have any worries about K, her uterus, her ability to get pregnant, her ability to carry a baby, or anything else! I do worry about my embryos and I very much worry about the possibility of bringing K into our hell hole of loss. I am so grateful for what K is doing for us that it will just kill me if something bad happens that causes her to feel any sadness.

I think I'm also trying to protect myself from the emotions I will go through if this particular transfer doesn't work. The two frozen blasts are extraordinarily special to me. Both embryos were "created" in July '07 with Myles and were frozen with him. So, my two remaining frozen embryos have a special connection with Myles and this is why they are so special to me. I do know that I would be protective over any of my embryos, but these two embryos share so much with Myles that it makes me even more protective of them. They are the last living connection to Myles. Please do not misinterpret this as me losing my mind! I know they are not Myles and I would not want them to be. I know that any embryo that resulted in a pregnancy and baby would have a connection to Myles. They would be his sibling. I would love any/all of them. However, I still have a strong feeling that these two particular embryos are extra special. I'm hoping that it's because in my heart I know they will be my future children!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

K is finally hopped up on Estrace

Well I completely spaced out posting a blog on Saturday to let all of you know that K started Estrace! So, the countdown to the FET date is on--16 days and counting! K goes next Monday for her first lining check, which will hopefully be her only one, and we're hoping for a nice, fluffy lining! Please blow lining thickening vibes K's way! I doubt she needs them, but I like to cover all of our bases!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Trying to take my life back from IF

A grad school friend emailed me and said "I know about your surrogacy journey (which I know is a HUGE part of your life), but what about the rest?" This simple question caught me off guard a bit. I was at a loss for words. I still have hobbies and interests and I enjoy my job, but clearly my life has become one infertility treatment after the next. We have spent the last 4 years and 8 months our lives living this way. We have been consumed by infertility and it's directed the course of every aspect of our lives. Infertility has taken so much from us and I refuse to let it take any more. I am going to stop planning my life around the "what ifs" of infertility and just plain live my life. If I've learned anything, I've learned that there aren't any guarantees in life and that you need to live each day like it's the last.

Last week I joined the YMCA again (I let my membership expire after Myles died) and also signed up for Wei.ght Wat.chers (on-line membership). Infertility and depression have caused me to gain weight and I plan to get my hot bikini body back. I'm definitely not huge, but I'm no size 1/2 anymore either! J and I signed up for a spinning class, which should kick my a$$, and help me shed the pounds.

We are planning a trip to Mexico with some friends over Spring Break, but we haven't been able to commit because we don't know how the FET on 1/29 will turn out. We are hopeful it will result in a bfp, but if it doesn't then we have to do another ER. More than likely we'd start the protocol immediately and would be doing an ER sometime in March. This is exactly what I'm trying to get away from. I'm tired of infertility controlling my life, yet I feel stuck. Uggh, I HATE infertility and the control it has over us!

Last week I went to see my GP because I've been having sleeping problems. Every single night when I go to bed I replay all the days leading up to Myles's birth. I relive the days of his life and the night he died. No wonder I'm having problems sleeping! My GP just so happens to have a M.S. in marriage and family counseling (weird, I know). When I told him about my sleeping problems we discussed the upcoming anniversaries. He seems to think I'm suffering from post-traumatic stress and that the sleeping problems are a result of anxiety, so he put me on an anti-anxiety med to help get me through the next few months.

I guess the doc's assessment makes sense because all of the problems started the weekend of 1/3, which was the day when I was diagnosed with high blood pressure last year. It was all down hill from that day. At this point last year I was hospitalized. I was naive. I never, ever imagined I'd be delivering my baby in a little over a week. Nor could I fathom the horror I'd experience on 2/16 as I watched my son die in my arms. I guess it's probably better that I was living life in a state of ignorant bliss. I was enjoying the last few days of my pregnancy and the amazing, magical moments Myles and I had together.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Please people try to remember a child died

I am mortified by the criticism that the Travolta's are receiving right now. I know that their beliefs are well let's just say less than conventional, but they are their beliefs. Beliefs are things that we as individual view to be valid and true. Beliefs are as individual as people are and just because we don't understand and/or agree with them doesn't mean that they are wrong! Again they are beliefs NOT facts and aren't a matter of right or wrong. I am disheartened that so many people are focusing on the issue at hand--the Travolta's lost a child, which is by far the worst thing that any parent could endure.

I lurk on S.M.O (a surrogate message board) and periodically post. I saw a thread about how sad it was that the Travolta's son had died, so I went to read it. I was left feeling ill. The OP of the thread had great intentions and seems heartfelt and sincere, but very quickly others hijacked the thread and started insulting the Travolta's beliefs. Some of the women even blamed them for their child's death. It was horribly sad and disappointing for me. I generally consider surrogates to be among the most compassionate, understanding, and empathetic, so these posts were extremely disappointing to me. I decided to speak up as a baby loss mama and let these ladies hear my thoughts. Here's what I said:

My heart just breaks for the Travolta's. Losing a child is something that no parent should have to go through! When your child dies your heart literally feels as though it's shattered into a million tiny pieces. You feel empty and lost. You don't know what to do or where to go. Life after the death of a child is strange, unfamiliar and lonely. The grief journey is never ending and filled with many unexpected detours. I know because I am currently traveling this road. It's quite disheartening to think that so many people, specifically parents (including many of you), are criticizing this grieving family right now. Try just for a second to imagine what they are going through. The lack of empathy I'm hearing from women who I've considered to be very empathetic is sad and completely disappointing. If you haven't lost a child (and I hope none of you ever have to know this pain), then you have no idea how horribly difficult it is. Some of you say you'd die if you lost a child and in my experience you certainly feel like death is a better alternative than the overwhelming emotional pain of losing your child, but somehow, someway you take each day minute by minute. You try to put one foot in front of the other and walk forward. However, the walking is difficult and you need to lean on others to help you navigate in this new, horrible world. Please try to remember this and show respect to the Travolta family by sending your condolences, sympathy, and love!

Unfortunately my thoughts were completely ignored. Now I'm furthered saddened. I just hope that none of these horribly judgmental women ever have to go through what I've gone through, what many of you have gone through, and the nightmare that the Travolta's are currently going through.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Looking back and looking ahead

I've been avoiding posting because I can't find the right words to reflect on 2008 and look forward to 2009. I had a conversation with J about 2008 and he so eloquently said "it sucked, what else is there to say?" Again I had to disagree because we met Myles in 2008. We had 26 of the happiest days of our lives starting on January 21, 2008, but this time period ended with the worst day of our lives on February 16, 2008. I guess 2008 will go down in our history as the best and worst year of our lives. I am hopeful that K will help us have another one of the best days of our lives in 2009! Okay, so that was lame, but I just can't find the words to express my mixed emotions about the last year and my hope for the new year.

So, I guess I'll share a few pics from our New Year's Eve Dinner party. Maybe that will make this post a little better?! I appreciate your compliments regarding the menu. The food was fabulous if I do say so myself! Even the dessert, which again is not my forte, was splendid! I forgot to photograph the food before everyone started eating, but did take a photo of my dinner table and the most amazing martini, x-rated martini, known to woman or man!

Here's a pic of what I was doing to prepare for our guest's arrival and another of what J did to prepare!

A picture of J and I right after we had our New Year's kiss.

A few pic's of J and a couple of our friends doing some crazy dancing a few hours into the new year (of course this was after several beers and much vino!).