I am mortified by the criticism that the Travolta's are receiving right now. I know that their beliefs are well let's just say less than conventional, but they are their beliefs. Beliefs are things that we as individual view to be valid and true. Beliefs are as individual as people are and just because we don't understand and/or agree with them doesn't mean that they are wrong! Again they are beliefs NOT facts and aren't a matter of right or wrong. I am disheartened that so many people are focusing on the issue at hand--the Travolta's lost a child, which is by far the worst thing that any parent could endure.
I lurk on S.M.O (a surrogate message board) and periodically post. I saw a thread about how sad it was that the Travolta's son had died, so I went to read it. I was left feeling ill. The OP of the thread had great intentions and seems heartfelt and sincere, but very quickly others hijacked the thread and started insulting the Travolta's beliefs. Some of the women even blamed them for their child's death. It was horribly sad and disappointing for me. I generally consider surrogates to be among the most compassionate, understanding, and empathetic, so these posts were extremely disappointing to me. I decided to speak up as a baby loss mama and let these ladies hear my thoughts. Here's what I said:
My heart just breaks for the Travolta's. Losing a child is something that no parent should have to go through! When your child dies your heart literally feels as though it's shattered into a million tiny pieces. You feel empty and lost. You don't know what to do or where to go. Life after the death of a child is strange, unfamiliar and lonely. The grief journey is never ending and filled with many unexpected detours. I know because I am currently traveling this road. It's quite disheartening to think that so many people, specifically parents (including many of you), are criticizing this grieving family right now. Try just for a second to imagine what they are going through. The lack of empathy I'm hearing from women who I've considered to be very empathetic is sad and completely disappointing. If you haven't lost a child (and I hope none of you ever have to know this pain), then you have no idea how horribly difficult it is. Some of you say you'd die if you lost a child and in my experience you certainly feel like death is a better alternative than the overwhelming emotional pain of losing your child, but somehow, someway you take each day minute by minute. You try to put one foot in front of the other and walk forward. However, the walking is difficult and you need to lean on others to help you navigate in this new, horrible world. Please try to remember this and show respect to the Travolta family by sending your condolences, sympathy, and love!
Unfortunately my thoughts were completely ignored. Now I'm furthered saddened. I just hope that none of these horribly judgmental women ever have to go through what I've gone through, what many of you have gone through, and the nightmare that the Travolta's are currently going through.
