Insensitive People

I just got back from the local clinic. I had to go get blood drawn for the long list of infectious diseases that the FDA requires to be tested in order to use a gestational carrier. This in and of itself sounds harmless, right?! To ruin my day a pregnant woman walks into the waiting room of the lab and where does she sit in the near empty room, but right across from me! Grrr! This kind of stuff is what makes me think the universe is always challenging me! Immediately I’m irritated and don’t look up from my magazine as I consider how to move to the opposite side of the room to face away from her, but before I can do that I hear her say “hi Niki.” Uggh! I look up to see a girl who graduated with my brother. Now that she’s addressed me the cordial thing to do is ask her about her pregnancy, which is the last thing I want to talk about, but I’m nice so I say “I see you are expecting. When are you due?” She replies that she’s due on January 5. Again I’m nice so I go on to ask if she’s expecting a boy or girl and she says it will be a surprise. She continues on about how she’s hoping the baby doesn’t arrive until after the holidays because it will be too much stress ... how excited she is to be expecting her first ... how excited her parents are to be grandparents ... blah, blah, blah!

At this point I’ve tuned out and am just hoping and praying that they call my name any second. She then asks “don’t you have two children?” and when I look surprised (okay, maybe shocked is the right description of my reaction) she says “or is it one?” Now I am dying for the lab tech to call me back, but nope they don’t. Frickin’ universe! I say well yes we had a little boy, Myles, who was born in January, but died in February. Surprisingly she says nothing but “oh” (nope not even the uncomfortable I’m sorry) and doesn’t even blurt out the question "what happened?" like most people do. She just uncomfortably stares at me with unsympathetic eyes. B$tch! At this point I want to claw her eyes out! I try to quickly change the subject by saying that we are trying again and finally as I’m saying this the lab tech walks out with my pee cup. Hallelujah, thank you universe! I jump up, wish the insensitive pregnant b$tch well and immediately walk into the bathroom to fill my pee cup. As I prep to fill the cup the tears start rolling and rolling down my face.

I guess I just expect everyone to know and don’t expect to get caught so off guard. And to not express sympathy for the death of our son is plain rude, especially when the girl is sitting there rubbing her giant swollen belly in my face. If only she knew how horrible and life altering it is to watch your child die in your arms! Hopefully she won't ever know, but maybe when she finally holds her child for the first time she will feel the most intense love she's ever felt. This will give her perspective that she currently doesn't have and hopefully if she ever encounters another babyloss mamma she will react with empathy and compassion.