Thursday, May 7, 2009

Babyloss Mammas Are Survivors

"My Mom is a Survivor"
By Kaye Des'Ormeaux
(Dedicated to mothers who have lost a child
and have somehow survived.)
My Mom is a survivor, or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying at night when all others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her to help her understand.
But like the sands on the beach that never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom, who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for others...a smile of disguise!
But through Heaven's door I see tears flowing from her eyes.
My mom tries to cope with death to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows it is her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving mom through Heaven's open door...
I try to tell her that angels protect me forevermore.
I know that doesn't help her... or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance, go visit her...and show her that you care.
For no matter what she matter what she feels.
My surviving mom has a broken heart that time won't ever heal.

I'm thinking of all of you who've loved and lost your babies. This weekend will be tough for all of us, but know that we are strong. We walk through life with a broken heart with only a memory of our babies to keep us going. We love our babies just as much as our friends and family who are fortunate to have their children with them here on Earth. Despite the "great sadness" that surrounds us we manage to forge ahead. It's not easy most days, yet we dig deep and find the smallest shred of inner strength to keep on going. We are survivors!

For me my memories of Myles keep me going. I remember what an amazing little "soldier" he was and what a courageous battle he waged. I remind myself that I promised Myles that I would emulate his strength and that I would continue my fight. I fought for Myles and am grateful for all that I went through to have him. I know in my heart that my continued fight and all the pain that comes with it is not in vain. I am determined to beat infertility once again and despite all the devastation we've faced I'm still optimistic (yep, that's me the eternal optimist) that one day with K's help I will win this war. I am a survivor and I will triumph!


Bluebird said...

Beautiful. Thank you.

Thinking of you this weekend, Myles' Mom. . . that's the name by which my DH knows you, you know :) An amazing boy with an amazing mom.

Bonny said...

Myles's Mommy, I will be thinking aobut you this weekend. You had a courageous little man. I know that Mother's day is hard for baby loss mommas, but you are all moms, and that makes you connected. Will be thinking about you all this weekend.

Dr.Rutledge said...

Hi Niki,

Thank you for sharing your experience.

I'm a physician and former faculty member at Harvard and Stanford Medical Schools. I discovered your blog while looking for the best health writers on the web. I reviewed your posts, and think your writing would be a great addition to the Pregnancy & Fertility Community on Wellsphere, a top 5 health website that has nearly 5 million visitors monthly. If you would like to learn more about how you can join our Health Blogger Network, republish your blog posts and be featured on the Wellsphere platform, just drop me an email at


Anonymous said...

((HUGS)) I will be thinking of you this weekend.

Ruth said...

I will be thinking of you this weekend. Myles would be so proud to know you are his wonderful Mama.

TeriLynn said...

I will be thinking of you on sunday, it will be a hard day for us all! I just love the poem that you put up! It just brought so many tears! thank you for the kind words about my surgery coming up! We will have together soon!

Rebecca said...

(((HUGS))) for Sunday and always.

I love my babies too...they've just never been conceived. :(

Busted said...

So beautiful, thank you. Thinking of you and all the other mamas without their babies this weekend. And always remembering sweey Myles with you.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, that was really touching and made me cry...a good cry though.

And yes, we are survivor's and yes, you will triumph!

MyLifeMyWorld-SharingADream said...

WOw that was so beautiful and heartfelt.

I have no words...and that's rare for me.

Thanks for sharing. Did you write that?

MyLifeMyWorld-SharingADream said...

Oh never mind...I'm a's still beautiful.

Tom and Margit said...

You are an amazing person Niki!!
Think of you and Myles this weekend!
HUGS to you :)

SMK said...

Thinking of you on this mother's day. Myles is smiling down from heaven. Take care I know tomorrow will be a difficult day for you and all of us that have lost our children. Take care!

Anonymous said...

thinking of you today Niki

Kay said...

Thinking of you and Myles today...