Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Ooh how I hate my uterus!

I have to complain about how much I strongly dislike my uterus! I seem to have a problem with a thin uterine lining, which I was secretly hoping would be different following my pregnancy. In my clomid and femara cycles my lining never got thicker than 7.5mm. With my fresh IVF cycle my lining was super thin (<4mm) and in FET#1 it was between 6.5-7mm at the time of the transfer. Obviously given that I've been pregnant 3 times with thin linings it works for me, so I know it can happen again. But I still get so pissed off that my body can't just do one frickin' thing right!

I literally have come to despise my uterus for all that it's done to me. I hate having to be on so much estrogen to try to get my uterus to cooperate! I hate worrying about what all this estrogen is going to do to me later. I hate thinking that my uterus was permanently damaged by an "overzealous" D&C after m/c #1. I hate having to constantly worry about my lining being too thin for implantation, which ultimately means I'm sacrificing my perfect, beautiful snowbabies. I hate worrying that they'll cancel my transfer or worst that my RE will again suggest using a gestational carrier and refuse to transfer my snowbabies to my dreadful uterus. I hate worrying/wondering if my thin lining had anything to do with my development of early, severe preeclampsia. I hate my uterus for not giving enough nourishment to Myles through the placenta. I hate my uterus for failing me and for failing Myles and for possibly failing any future babies! I HATE my uterus!!!!!!!!!

I'm mad at my uterus now, but will be saying apologies in a few weeks if I get a bfp! Then I'll be begging for my uterus to forgive me and begging for my uterus to not hold a grudge and to be good to my baby! Hopefully my uterus will surprise me and do something good for me! I think my uterus owes me that much!


~Denise~ said...

Be mad, you've got reason a plenty. I'm hoping you are thanking your uterus real soon, hon.