Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Come out, come out wherever you are

Thank you so much for your open and honest comments regarding my recent post. It was nice to hear how many of you try to make sense or tragedies or for the majority of us how we are unable to make sense of them. I'm currently reading The Sha.ck and plan to read The Pow.er of N.ow in the future and am hoping that both are able to bring me a bit of enlightenment. But for now I will just be as I am discontent with not understanding the bad things that happen to good people.

After reading the comments by some first time commenters (some who identified themselves as longtime readers) it got me wondering who else might be reading but not commenting. I know that several people IRL read my blog, but few of you comment. I would LOVE to hear from all of my readers, so please just post a hello comment to this thread. I'm not looking for profound words or anything, just a simple hello. If you don't blog, you can still comment using the "Anonymous" option. Also, I'd love to know how you found my blog and why you read it. I often wonder why people read my blog. I wonder is it because it's like a car accident that you can't stop staring at or is it because you are just rooting for me, "the underdog", to have a happy ending. Either way I'm just curious what brings you to my small place in cyberspace to hear about my struggles, particularly becaue it's not always rainbows and roses here. Now don't be shy. Please step up to introduce yourself! I can't wait to "meet" all of you! :)

87 comments:

OliversMommy said...

My name is Meagan. I am a fellow Nestie. I can't remember how I found your blog but I think I clicked on a blog link in a siggy and somehow came upon yours after reading other blogs.

I have been reading your blog for about a month now and look forward to reading them every night

Tiffany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Karma & Adam said...

I believe I've posted once before but I wanted to pop by again to say "hi" and to offer some support.

I have not been where you are. I have a different story than you, but a lot of what you're feeling/saying is so familiar to me.

The whole blog world is a bit surreal at times. I have often posted things on my blog that I couldn't imagine having a conversation about with one of my closest friends. It became a true outlet for me, and I'm still so grateful to everyone who popped by and left me comments of support - in the good times and the bad.

Life is different now, certainly more complete, because we have our daughter. She may be our one and only, and I hope we only have wonderful times ahead of us.

My hope for you is that you get to experience that too - to be a mommy for the second time.
I'll be popping back in from time to time to check in on you and your journey : )

Tiffany said...

Hi my name is Tiffany, I have been reading your blog for quite some time now. My husband and I have been struggling with IF for over four years. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us, I love the video you put together about Myles life.

meinsideout said...

Hi - just me - you know I heart you and your blog - and you were one of the first women to find my blog and support me.

Sarah said...

Hi Niki. I'm a FIM who is wishing pretty hard for you.

Bluebird said...

Hi friend. You know I read faithfully, and I feel blessed to have found your blog. I read because I scour the internet for other pre-e/ HELLP moms, and then shamlessly latch on to them :) I am cheering you on every step of the way.

RB said...

I go by RB in blogland. I haven't been reading for a very long time, maybe 2 months. I found you through blog hopping :) My husband and I went through 5 years of infertility before beginning our adoption journey.

Jess said...

I honestly don't know how I started reading your blog, but I was having an absolute pitty party for myself (4 years of IF and 4 mc) and I came across your blog and it hit me...life could be worse! Honestly, someones life is worse than each and every one of ours...hard to imagine at times when our life is crumbling around us. I can't imagine being in your shoes and my heart broke for you...but what really made me love your blog was your family's stength...each and everyone one of you...Myles, yours, your husbands and K's.

Jessica in AZ
babyparamore.blogspot.com

Heather R. said...

100% Rooting for you!

Snarky Mom said...

I've been reading for a long time. I found you through Busted Babymaker's blog. I'm a fellow IFer(I'm a serial miscarrier) who adopted two boys through foster care and then was blessed to end up with two bio children as well. I'm rooting for you to get your happy ending.

Duck said...

It's duck,
I can't remember how I found your blog - was it through that board or did we all realize that we were bloggers and reading each others already, can't even remember.
Glad that you're planning on reading the power of now, my only assvice is get through the first few chapters. I found that hard as it was a little too "simple" and repetitive, after that it gets better.

N said...

*waves* Hello. :) I think I've commented once maybe? Not often, though, if at all. I made my way here once through LFCA, I think it was, or maybe Friday Blog Roundup, and I find your writing excellent, and full of emotion. I root for you guys, because I want everybody to have a happy ending.

SMK said...

Hi Niki!

I am pretty sure you know where I know you from! ;) I read your blog because you give me hope. You are a wonderful spirit and I feel like you are a surrogate sister... ;) ;) I think of you and Myles often and keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Anyone who is sending you hate doesn't belong here you are a wondeful person who shares their life with us and we are lucky to have you.

Liz said...

I came across your blog randomly through link through a link type deal on other folks' blogs. I have never experienced the fertility struggles that you have (I was told that I would have trouble but happened to be on metformin when I got pregnant so I am not sure if that helped but I feel very lucky to have my 6 month old). In any case, I recently started reading your blog and come back regularly. This may sound strange and I am not sure if I can explain it properly so try to understand what I mean when I say I keep coming back like the kid who is excited for Christmas. I can't wait for the day to read your blog and see that it has finally happened for you- kind of like that excitement you used to get hoping for something? I guess that anticipation of great things to come...I am so hopeful that you will get your ultimate gift! Your blog has moved me to tears and I cannot help but to come back and check in on you to see how you are doing. :)
liz

hil said...

Hi. I found you through a link on Life and Love's blog. I kept reading (including your previous posts) while I was (and am) going through a mc. I'll be back on the IF train in a few months, I guess.

Autumn said...

Your blog popped up in my google reader "blogs you may like feed" and after reading through your old posts I became hooked because I want you to have your happy ending. I know it's out there!

M said...

I found you because you said 'hi' to me through LFCA :) I stayed because I enjoyed hearing what you had to say. And also because I'm waiting for your happy ending!

Bonny said...

Hello!
I don't remember exactly how I found you. I think it was sweetsalty or GITW. I have a boy named Myles, spelled the same who is 10. He had cancer 3 years ago and I keep reading cause we picked the same name for our boys. And I really am wanting you to have another baby. I pray for you in church. I know it sounds weird, but I do. I hope that you find some relief from grief and that you have a sibling for Myles. You are a great mother.

pengboo said...

Hi! Not sure how I came across your blog but I sure know why I keep reading. You are a strong, vibrant, amazing woman who deserves the joy of a child. I know I have no idea how you feel going through this journey, but I am in complete awe of your strength.

Allison said...

Hi, I'm allison. Not sure how I found your blog but I know it was right before K was "introduced" as your surrogate. I cried so hard the day/night you posted she was miscarrying. I guess I'm a little "involved" in your story now....wishing for a(nother) baby all the way!

Kristen said...

I'm Kristen. I found your blog a while back through a fellow blogger who directed me toward you as you are using your cousin too as your gestational carrier. I don't post too often, but am certainly following your journey as I am traveling down the road on my own journey through surrogacy.

Cali said...

I am a fellow pre-e/hellp mom who followed your story on the pre-e message boards which led me here. I've learned a lot from reading about your experiences. I admire how each time you get knocked down, you keep getting back up. I'm sure Myles must be proud of his mother's endless strength and courage in spite of it all. This is my first time commenting, but I think there are probably many other lurkers that are quietly cheering you on.

Sara said...

Niki,
I'm still always reading your blog, but haven't commented lately. I love reading your blog because although I haven't been in your same situation, I do understand the frustration/pain of m/c, and longing for a baby. I also love the happiness in your 'voice' that I hear when you start to have a new plan. I find it very exciting for you! Love you and as always am hoping for the best...very soon!!

Sara

Amy said...

Hello! My name is Amy and I have been reading your blog for about 6 months now but have never commented. Honestly I don't know how I found it. I am so ashamed to say that I did not know much about infertility or the heartaches that accompany it. I got pregnant twice on demand. Your blog has opened my eyes. I'm sure that I have hurt some people deeply with my comments to them and their problems unknowingly. I never knew what to say to someone who is trying for kids but were unsuccessful. Or to someone who has lost a child in death. But through your words I can "feel" how they are feeling. And now I think I'm more equiped to be a sounding board for them. I thank you for that. I keep reading because someday I hope to get to know Myles brother or sister. Myles was such a sweet little boy and you and J are wonderful parents. I can't wait to see what you will teach me then. Thank you for letting me follow your journey. You have opened my eyes in more ways then you will ever know.

Tina said...

I am a Faithful reader and .. I loved the Shack!

Pamela said...

Just another stranger waiting for you to get your happy ending. I think I came across your blog while reading something about premature birth. My water broke at 25 weeks with my daughter...she pulled through. I have read what you've written about Myles birth and it struck a chord, you've been through so much. Now, I am wishing and hoping for you and waiting to read the post where you bring home Myles' brother or sister.

Kelly said...

Hey Niki! I'm Kelly from our group. I read faithfully now and am so rooting for you!!

*ILuvBabies*

Annie said...

Hi, I'm not sure how I found your blog. I continue to read it because you are a beautiful writer and I truly want you to have your happy ending. I pray and hope for the very best things for you and your husband. :)

*Katie* said...

hi i am Katie, i have been reading your blog for about four months i found you blog on SC when you replied to one of my posts (i don't even remember what it was about) i feel embarrassed to admit that i started reading as a way to see that my life was really not as hard as my formerly whining self once though it was. but now reading because I AM rooting for a happy ending. i have never commented before because i have a really hard time putting my sincere feelings into word that don't sound like i am just brushing off your heartache. i have never been where you have and i cant empathize with you but i do sympathize and all i can say is i wish you well.

spencerbaker@me.com said...

Honestly I don't recall how I stumbled upon your blog but I am totally rooting for you and know that you will be a mother again soon (not that you stopped but you know what I mean - I hope.)

I read because I think you are a very strong woman and I agree with your views on life in general. Please know that there are a ton of us that are excited and hopeful for you and your families future.

Take care,

Jen in Maryland

Andrea said...

Hi there! I stumbled upon your blog after having fertility issues. I also have a cousin who had her baby, Davis, at 25 weeks.

I follow it in hopes to give you support. I'm also very moved by Myles, K, you and your husband.

MDZ said...

Hi Niki. I have been reading your blog for over a year and believe I have commented at least once before. I think that I found your blog when I was madly googling the internet and trying to uncover more information about infertility and IVF when I was going through my own in vitro cycle. I continue reading for many reasons: The first is that you are clearly a very intelligent woman who can express her thoughts and emotions in a wonderful manner. The second is that your blog reminds me that I have SO much to be thankful for (especially when I start dwelling on the fact that my husband and I are an infertile couple and we will need in vitro to have a sibling for our son). The third is that I keep waiting for you to have a happy ending! I was SO unbelievably excited the day that you posted that K was pregnant and then I was devastated when you posted that she was miscarrying. I am rooting for your family every day. Good luck with the upcoming cycle!!!

Donna said...

You know me! I've been reading from the beginning!

Kris said...

It's me. And I read faithfully and comment as often as I can. I found your blog off of the "boards" and we just happen to go to the same clinic:) I am here for you always.

Ruth said...

A few months ago I found a link to your blog from Heidi's blog. I am not sure if you remember me, but we were on the 30+ pg group on SC and daily read the updates while Myles was in the hospital. When Myles was no longer able to fight, I cried for days every time I thought of you guys. Ever since, I have been praying that you & J would be blessed with a child that you will be able to bring home from the hospital and watch grow up, like so many other parents.

I've never commented before, because I just feel like, well, what can I say? I got to bring home my daughter from the hospital.

I can not pretend to comprehend the pain and hell you and J have had to walk through. Why was I so lucky? I have no idea. I still struggle with some guilt because I was given a healthy child, in a pretty quick time frame, and there are so many men and women aching to have a child. Do I feel like I deserve this priceless gift? Not for one second, but I am so grateful.

So, I may not post very much, but I do read and am praying for you, J and K.
REW

Cortney said...

Hey Niki,

It is me Cortney from SC and I think you already know that i have been reading your blog probably ever since you started it. You have become an extreamly good friend of mine even though we only know each other from SC. Why do I read your blog? becuase you are a good friend of mine that i care about oh so much. not only you but your little Myles has touched my heart in both big and little ways.

~Love ya

Katie said...

I discovered blogs by following a link highlighted in Parenting magazine. It was an infertility blog. I'm not infertile, but a whole world (of blogging, of people with trouble conceiving) opened up to me. Of course, I've since found blogs that are more similar to my life, but infertility blogs are my 'first love'.
The reasons I keep coming back? For your blog, it's the writing, you're awesome. It's also K, I'm so interested in hearing about the surrogacy journey. And it's also the picture on your sidebar, your sweet son Myles.
I'm rooting for you, praying for you, wishing for you.

travelaunt7 said...

I'm a friend IRL and have been reading since the very beginning. I think of you each day and am rooting you on 100%!
Linda

KLTTX said...

I originally came to your blog from the LFCA and decided to keep reading. I am definitely rooting for this next cycle to work.

Brooke said...

Hi Nikki! I sort of know you IRL, but found you through a link somewhere else (can't remember, actually), because I read a ton of IF blogs. Thankfully infertility hasn't been one of my struggles, but I know plenty of people who've gone through it. Reading a blog like yours really helps me to be a better support person. It's so hard to know what to say.

I also had a preemie, not as early as Myles, but we still spent a lot of time in the hospital. I read so I can root for you! Your journey through surrogacy is so compelling, I can't wait to see it end in a real, live, baby that you get to bring home. Your love for Myles comes through so strongly through your words, it's inspiring. He must be so proud of you! Thanks for letting us into your life!

Amanda and Bernie said...

Hello. My name is Amanda. I found your blog through the Pre-eclampsia Foundation forums. After bringing home my premature son, your video of Myles was eye-opening. It reminds me that others are not as lucky. I now read faithfully and am waiting and hoping for a second baby for your family. Myles is the most beautiful and inspirational baby.

Heather Jean said...

Hey Niki. I read the blog now every day looking for updates before I check on you on facebook or talk to you in real life to make sure I'm up-to-date and that you don't have to repeat yourself over and over and over again. This is your cousin Heather. I dig you. The optimism in the recent posts elates me. heart, heather

p.s. you nut! Of course I am rooting for you! You are no car accident my dear!

-c said...

Hello! I've just recently started following, mainly from LAFC. I don't have any fertility troubles that I know of, I'm just here offering my support and hoping you make it to whatever destination you choose. Best of luck, I'm rooting for you!

andbabymakesfive said...

Hi! My name is Sarah and I am a mom because of surrogacy. I read because I'm so looking forward to the day when we all get to "meet" Myles' little brother or sister, and because I love your honesty and strength.

stillthinkingagain said...

Hi - I've only been reading for a little while, but found myself going back and following your story from the beginning. Just wanted to say hi, and that I'm rooting for you!
Sarah

Tina said...

I have posted a few times (I think) in the past. I blog hopped and found your story, watched the video on Myles, cried my eyes out, and have been rooting for you ever since! I can't wait to read about your happy ending!

Tina

Cristina said...

My name is Cristina. I found your blog through BustedBabyMaker's. I found hers through a completely random google search.

I have been reading your blog for a few months now and I am one of those "rooting" for you guys. You both are such incredible parents and I know this journey will end up with a happy ending for you.

seiser said...

My name is Shannon. I have been following you forever from the pe board. I consider myself a silent cheerleader in your corner..

p1p3r said...

*waves*

P1p3r from SMO
Have been reading for a while now.
((hugs))

Erin said...

wow aren't these comments amazing. I found your blog a few months ago through I think sticks and stim's blog roll. In the middle of my own IF battle I was progressively feeling more and more alone- like I was looking into a big black tunnel and couldn't find any way out. I needed to reach out and find comfort in a community of women who were going through the same thing - when it seemed like everyone else around me was popping out babies left and right. I don't have a blog of my own, and rarely comment, but just reading other stories of women in similar or worse situations makes me feel like there are people out there that understand... and I don't feel as isolated.

I also found it helpful to read about other clinics and treatment protocols which ultimately lead me to Dr. Sher at SIRM. After my local RE told me to consider donor eggs, Dr. Sher ran more tests and thought it had less to do with egg quality and more to do with the drugs I was on. I can happily report that I am now 9 weeks pregnant with his help. I don't think without the indirect support of the women like you and others on the IF blogosphere I would have had the strength and resources to take it into my own hands and seek out the best to make my dreams happen.

I follow your blog in hopes that you find your happy ending. Please know that there are so many people out there cheering for you.

Megan said...

I'm a reader - not a commenter :) I read because I like to root for the under-dog. I don't have fertility issues, but I like to pray and cheer on all those that do!

Dora said...

Niki, my dear! You know how I found you. (Mel Rocks!) While our stories are so different, our dream is the same. So is our determination! Naysayers, get out of our way! We will run you over!

BTW, I meant to comment on your previous post. I agree with you 100%. Some people need to learn to STFU!

xoxo

Megan said...

Hi Nikki!

I've been a lurker for a little over 2 months now, and I think you are absolutely one of the strongest women I've come across in this world.

I am also an infertile, although for very different reasons. I was diagnosed with MRKH 10 years ago (born without a uterus, but with functioning ovaries), and the last decade of my life has been intensely sad, scary, and eye-opening, in terms of my dreams to have a child. My only chance to have a biological child with my fiance (soon to be my husband this October!) will be through gestational surrogacy.

I randomly found your blog while doing a "surrogacy" google search, and was immediately drawn into your story. You and K are both amazing women. I only hope to have such a supportive surrogate when my time comes.

I'm not getting any younger (I turned 29 in March), so my future DH and I have decided that we're going to begin the ER process soon after our wedding in October. Our plan is to vitrify our embyros, save up another 20-30 thousand dollars (HA!), and then pursue surrogacy once we're financially ready.

Right now, I'm reading as many IF blogs as I can, to prepare myself for a potentially long and painful journey, and also to educate myself about various clinics and IVF protocols. I hope to start a blog of my own once the process begins.

Just know that I'm routing for you, 200%!

- Megan

Rebecca said...

Holy Cow Niki! Look at all the love flowing to you! I'm lucky I can get 4 people to read my blog, and you have FIFTY FOUR so far!!! LOL

You know I've been here since before this blog even existed...and you know I'm here for you good and bad, happy or sad. Love ya girl!

Korndog said...

Hello, my name is Kory and I think I've commented before but I've been following your blog for about a year I think.

Shantay said...

Hey.. I have commented here and there on your blog posts. I think I found your blog through SMO or another site like that. You posted a link to your video ... Tribute to Myles. I watched it in tears and then started following your blog. Just like others, I hang around waiting for another rainbow in your life.

Debir said...

Hi Niki. I am Debi (debir from SC).
I have followed your blog since you posted the link on the TTC30&40's thread on SC.
The reason... hard to define, I think I have many.
First, from SC I got to know you a little and became interested in your life.
Second, I have been rooting for you for a long time, and I selfishly want the satisfaction to hopefully one day read about your "Happy Ending".
Third, you remind me to be grateful every second of every day.
Fourth, I feel good about sending my prayers to a person who needs them so much.
Fifth, I have lost someone too, and tho' I do not think losing a parent is the same as losing a child, I know how much loss hurts and continues to hurt {{{HUGS}}}.
There are other reasons, but I don't need to list more.
I hope that I have not been too honest. You are so open and honest in your writings, I felt I needed to be as well.
My continued support, prayers, good wishes and cyper-hugs.
Debi

Karla said...

Hey Niki- It's me Honey... always following your updates... keeping my fingers crossed for you. :)

Sheri-ct said...

Hi Niki!

You know where I met you. I am 100% rooting for you and pray for you every night!

Sheri

Carissa said...

I've never commented here before; I found your blog by clicking through from the blog of a friend of a friend of a friend (something like that) a couple of months ago and found it interesting so I added it to my list of regular blogs that I read when I'm supposed to be working (I'm an English graduate student). I'm 25, single, no kids yet, crazy cat lady in the meantime.

Carissa said...

also: I just wanted to clarify that I don't read your blog because it's "interesting" in a morbid or car-crash sense, but because you do such a good job of writing honestly about your emotions, and I hope and empathize with you from afar.

Autumn said...

Hey Niki! It is Autumn from SC. I have been reading your blog and keeping up with you through fellow cysters since I am no longer on SC. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. I have tried before to comment and it wouldnt let me. I hope it does this time.

Ramona said...

Hi Nikki,

I came across your blog, through reading other infertility blogs.
I have been reading your blog for a while now, though have never commented.
I wanted to send you an email, but I didn't see an email address available.
I had struggled to conceive for years and it was one of the hardest times in my life.
I have twins now, but the experience is something that always will stay with me. Although my experience was not the same as yours, I can definitely relate to you. I had twins born at 30 weeks. The smaller twin was 710 grams.
She pulled through, but the NICU experience was a rollercoaster.
I appreciate your honesty and have been moved to tears many times. I'm rooting for you and wishing you only the best!

MyLifeMyWorld-SharingADream said...

I"m Amanda and I'm a Gestational Surrogate. I found your blog through other blogs and well, I'm following along because it's nice to have the support when your down, and even nicer to hear the happy ending after all the heartache.

I've been reading your blog for some time now and have commented, but just thought I'd make me a little less annonymous.

Rhonda and Gerry W said...

Hi, I'm Rhonda and I came upon your blog through others that I follow. I was extremely touched and overwhelmed with emotion when I watched your tribute video to Myles. One of my blogger friends once said...Infertility is a sucky club to belong too! But, we all have a bond in some small way that helps us to understand each others struggles and roller coaster of emotions. Love your blog!

Jen said...

you know I always read your blog...and I'm always thinking of you and J.

Nikki said...

I found your blog through Busted's blog as well, but I'm also a Nestie. I've been reading for quite some time, dont think I've commented before. So, hello!

Kay said...

you know me!! I have been facing a few struggles and not on as much the last few weeks, but I check your blog daily!

Mitch said...

Hello. I have been lurking for some time now following your story. I'm rooting for you guys and saying prayers.
Found your blog through busted's. I am a blog addict and think of you daily.. in fact I usually check in at least twice a day to see if anything is new.
name's Michelle.

Gibson Twins said...

Hi Niki, I'm Brianne. I don't remember how I found your blog long ago, but when I did I couldn't not read. I'm definitely rooting for you and J, you totally deserve it :)

KansasMommy said...

My name is Stacey and I found your blog via the pre-e/hellp boards. I have and will continue to root for you.

Busted said...

Hi - I'm a fairly regular commenter. I read because I relate to so much of what you say, because I want to remember Myles with you and because I want to see you with your happy ending.

silvumber said...

Hi Niki,
This is your friend Julia. I read every day. You, K, and J are always in my thoughts.

Meagan said...

hi! it is MegB from SC! I do read your updates as we have known each other for a few years now on SC and I just want to know how things are going for you. I am praying for you to bring siblings of myles into this world.....Love, Meagan

JillS said...

Hello, I'm Jill. I'm not exactly sure how I came across your blog, I think a link from someone elses.

The first time I stumbled upon it, I was literally in tears and so interested in your story, I have been coming back to read your updates. I wish for you another child and sibling for Myles.

You are so deserving of it.

My husband and I have been on an infertility journey as well. We are blessed with two boys who actually share the same birthday 6 years apart. In a nutshell, after a miscarriage, we went through infertility treatments for three years to have our second child and we have been unable to acheive pregnancy again in the last six years. It's an extremely frustrating process that I don't understand.

You have a wonderful, honest way of telling your story. I can't imagine the pain you endured with losing Myles. I truely wish the best for you and your husband.

Thanks for sharing your story.

aleutianrunner said...

Hey Nikki,

Thanks for sharing your story with everyone. I have you bookmarked in my favorites and click to catch up and see what is going on and new. I am so happy for you guys to be starting your next cycle and will be cheering for you every step of the way.

Monica said...

Hey Nik,
Here I am... I try to catch up on your blog every week or so! Thanks for opening up your journey for me to follow. It was fun seeing you and Josh a few weeks ago at Squeeze This!!

Monica

Mo and Will said...

Wow Niki - I'm late to the party here. BUt you know I've been reading for a while and rooting for you and K. What a testiment this commment page is to all the lives you've touched! Amazing : )

Mo

Jill said...

Hey there,
I've been reading for a while, though I cannot remember how I found your blog. I loved the video of Myles! I have a friend struggling with IF and I feel like reading your words might help me understand more of what she's going through. I am rooting for your happy ending!

Maureen said...

Hi, I'm a little late chiming in. I figure you will see this anyway.

I'm a IRL friend to Alice at lifedeathandpreeclampsia. My first son and hers were born a month apart. One day I clicked on your link on her side bar. It is now part of my nap routine to catch up.

I have my own medical issues, but I'm not infertile. My medical issues make pregnancy a little more tedious than a "normal" pregnancy. But I have two beautiful boys (my first I was induced and had him at 37w5d due to my labs going screwy, my 2nd my water broke at 35w5d and 5 hours later I was holding him).

I just keep reading, hoping that today is the first day of the beginning of the "final chapter" that brings a live baby into your house. I read because I want to hear about Myles' brother or sister (or both). I read and am reminded of how blessed I am.

Meredith said...

Hi, I'm Mer, I think I have commented once or twice, I know I did when you were lovely enough to share pictures of the days of Myles' life around his birthday. I found you through LFCA, and I am rooting for you and K too!

Kelly said...

Hi my name is Kelly and I am addicted to your blog..:)

Mike and Alicia said...

Count me in as a reader! I've been on vacation, but none the less trying to catch up with my reading.
Alicia

ersterling said...

hi, i have been reading your blog for a bit now and may have commented once or twice. i found it through links on someone else's blog that listed you as a favorite of theirs. i am actually working towards becoming an RN and want to work in the NICU. i think having the parent's insight will be really helpful in preparing me for this role. i wish you and K all the best as you prepare for your next transfer.

Poppy said...

I am way late to the party here. My real life has given me quite the kick in the pants and I got way, way behind in my blog reading.

Today I am catching up and so here I am. I have been a reader for quite some time. Maybe not always in a timely fashion but I always manage to catch up.

Your story has always touched my heart, even more so when we lost our grandson at age 10 wks.

My first contact with you was when I emailed you and asked for instructions on how to make the ice lanterns. I still have those and intend to make them for Jayden's gravesite at Christmastime.

I have my fingers crossed for you, J and K that this cycle (the one for June) will go smoothly and by this time next year you will once again be holding a child in your arms. No one will ever replace Myles, you know that, I know that. But I hope you get the opportunity to experience what you've been missing and longer for.

Gosh I hope that didn't come out wrong. I keep looking at it and thinking that doesn't come out quite right but I hope you know what I mean.

Many hugs to you Niki.

kim said...

Hi, I'm Kim. I found your blog on busted's blogroll. Over the last few days I've been reading from the beginning. I guess I'm just pulling for you. I always find it amazing how people (like me and others who follow along) can come to care so much about what happens in people's lives that I will never meet in real life. But I do. It has truly touched my heart to see what a loving mom you have been to your dear son, and the things you have done to honor his memory. (especially the Christmas gifts for P's family) I'm hoping with all my heart that you will be able continue these wonderful acts of love for Myles, but with his younger siblings at your side. Best Wishes to you and your family.