Thursday, April 9, 2009

Pathology Report

K called me to tell me that her appointment went well today. The ob seems to think that the light spotting she's having is "normal" considering how much blood was in her uterus at the D&C. My good friend, Dr. E, who's also an ob said it's possible for her to spot/bleed right into her next period, which is what K's ob said too. If she's still spotting in a week, then she'll have a beta hcg draw. Otherwise the ob was pleased with her healing, which of course made me breathe a huge sigh of relief. I wanted nothing more than to hear that K was on the mend, at least physcially.

The ob gave K the pathology report from the chromosomal analysis that was done on the embryo. The karotype showed 46XY, which for you non-sciency folks means normal male. This news is bittersweet for J and I. We lost a normal little boy, a brother to Myles, so that is very hard to stomach. However, this news provides further evidence that I DO make some good embryos, so I can feel better going into IVF #2 and doing another ET to a carrier.

K who is not normally an emotional person burst into tears at the doctor's unveiling of the news. I can only imagine what went through her head, but am fairly certain it was a combination of guilt and blame. I tried to explain to K that "bad things happen" and that NOTHING she did or didn't do could have caused this. I don't know how to explain it, but I am certain that it had nothing to do with K's beautiful uterus. I hope that K really believes what I'm saying and tries to remind herself of this over and over again. I know from experience that guilt is an ugly beast to battle, so please keep K in your thoughts.

I'm not sure how I'll feel about this news tomorrow. It may hit me hard that we could've had another little boy come October had the universe been kinder to us. But for today I will focus on this news as a sign of hope. We now KNOW that at least 2 of my 8 embryos were chromosomally normal, so it is possible and likely that we will make a few more good embryos. And there's a good chance that we might actually get to bring a baby home.

17 comments:

Alicia said...

A sigh of relief, and big hugs to K!

Karma & Adam said...

A big relief that K is healing and I'm sure the news about your embryo being normal also gave you some hope. However, I can totally imagine how bittersweet this news is for you, and I hope you're all doing ok.

Mo and Will said...

Glad you got back some definitive news, but I know that it's tough to hear no matter what it is. Also glad to hear that K is on the mend physically. you have both been in my thoughts a lot.

Mo

Duck said...

Glad that K is healing and I'm glad that the little one was "normal" - I really really really feel that if we had done this we too would have come up with a "normal" result - it could be the freeze/thaw process? i don't know, I know this is hard on K, but, it's really good for you to hear that you guys do make "normal" embryos.
It must be hard for K, but, like I say to our GC, she knows that she did everything that was asked of her and more - knowing this is your heart really helps, and I hope K can also have some comfort from this news.
hugs. hang in there.

meinsideout said...

Oh Niki - I am feeling so sad for you and for K. It is good news to know that you and J produce normal embryos.

Poor K - please send her my well wishes...

Jen said...

Normal is good...even if it is bittersweet to some degree. You, J & K are in my thoughts.

Mrs. Spit said...

Big hugs. I know that it was mixed to hear You and K lost another baby boy. Perhaps all I can say is this, Myles and Gabe and so many of our other babies were there, waiting for this new wee one. This boy was not alone. Not even for a second.

Rebecca said...

Sending love and healing prayers and thoughts to K, and to you and Josh as well.

I'm glad (?...that doesn't seem quite fitting) that the pathology report was able to shine a tiny bit of hope, knowing that your embryos are/were in fact normal. I hate that there is still so much unknown. I hate that you are hurting. I feel helpless and at a loss for the appropriate thing to say. Just know I'm holding you in my heart, as always.

MyLifeMyWorld-SharingADream said...

You got some good news today, to hear that the embryo had no abnormalities I'm sure gives you some renewed hope that your little future embies have a good shot. Also to hear K is healing well....I will continue to send her healing vibes as the emotional part I'm sure is very hard.

A little boy, I'm sorry, that's not such good news considering the outcome, I totally see how bittersweet it must be.

Hang in there, a baby is waiting for it's future momma.

Kelly said...

Oh Niki that is definitely bittersweet. Yes, there is hope but I know it has to hurt something bad that this little one was perfect. Prayers of healing for you and K. (((Niki)))

Caroline said...

I feel for you Niki. Although it is good that K is healing well and that the embryo was normal,it is painful to know the gender and what could have been in October if things had worked out. I'm thinking of you.

Donna said...

At least now you can have some peace of mind going into your next IVF cycle. There is still a glimmer of hope. ((HUGS))

Erica said...

Although that news is beyond sad, it does carry with it a glimmer of hope. I'm glad you've still got that Niki!

Do you know how embryo's are determined to be sound? Do they have to do a test on them - is that the only way to tell? I'm asking because I've never been pregnant and have transferred 3 (beautiful - according to the RE) blastocysts. One of my girlfriends offered to be a surrogate for me yesterday, if I should ever need it. I was in such shock, I don't even know if I thanked her enough for the offer. I mean,how do you begin to thank someone for that?! Anyway, do the docs suggest that it's time to go that route based on tests or what?

Anyway, I'm so happy to hear that K is healing physically. Like always, thinking of you all.

Sheri-ct said...

I am so glad to hear the K is on the mend. I hope the spotting stops soon and she can put this behind her.

Regrading your embryo- I am so sorry. While I know that this news is goods and confirms that you do make "good" embryos, it is also very heartbreaking to know that there was nothing wrong and the outcome was still devastating. I am so very sorry. Have you had a chance to discuss this with Dr S? Thinking of you.....

Sheri

travelaunt7 said...

Good news that your baby was "normal" but very bittersweet. I think of you, J, and K so often. I'm glad that K is healing physically but I'm sure it will take much longer mentally. Take care of yourselves.
Linda

Lost in Space said...

Such mixed emotions, Niki, but am glad you have a little hope for your next IVF.

Big hugs to you, J, and K.

Caroline said...

Hi Niki,

I just wanted to swing by and thank you for your support. I'm here for you too.

Caroline xx