Baby Shower

This is what I saw when I got the mail today. Notice that the stamp is a baby shower stamp and that the envelope is addressed to "Mom" ... K is so darn thoughtful! She even addressed my mom's invite to "Grandma". Awww! Inside the cute envelope was this absolutely darling invitation to MY very own Baby Shower! As K mentioned in her last post she's having a baby shower for me [frighteningly] early, but she wanted to host it and feel comfortable enough to make the food and do all the other hostess stuff. After freaking out a bit about how K would only be 22weeks I decided that having an early baby shower isn't going to make one bit of difference if something bad does happen--I'm going to be devastated regardless of how much baby stuff I have. So, early it is and damn straight I'm excited about it ... I'm excited to not just attend a baby shower, but to actually have the shower be a celebration of the babies I'm expecting! MY first baby shower is on November 1and then in December/January I'm having three more! It seems so surreal that these baby showers are for ME! I have so much to look forward to over the next few months leading up to the arrival of the babies! :)

Bittersweet

A few weeks ago I listed the Chic.co Cortina Travel System + an extra base that we bought for Myles on Craigs.list. It was brand new and obviously hadn't been used. In fact the extra base was still in the box. Tonight I sold it for $285 to a nice young woman who was thrilled beyond belief to be getting such a great deal on the new system (retails for $400 at BRU). She's a nurse who's having her first baby in January and fortunately for her she's living in the ignorant blissful state. Although I'm glad it went to such a good home, I'm feeling sad that I sold it. I didn't plan to use it for the twins, so I know it had to go. But it was purchased for Myles and it makes me sad to let it go. I know that Myles didn't even get to sit in it, but it was still "his" nonetheless. I remember spending hours researching it and picking out the perfect system for him. Now it's someone else's and that's hard for me to take. On the one hand I'm happy to be able to use the money to buy something for the twins, but sad that I sold something that was Myles'. Simply put it's bittersweet.

The Expecting & The Pregnant

This is a photo of K and I taken today at a baby shower for our sweet cousin, L. There were 3 pregnant women at this shower and I couldn't get enough of the baby bellies. Of course K's belly is my favorite and I wanted to rub it non-stop, but used some self control. K's belly is absolutely beautiful. K's total weight gain to date is 11pounds and it's all in her belly! (Try to ignore the balloons coming out of my head!)

33

That is my age today. It's my birthday. It's hard for me to believe that I'm 33 and still don't have a living child. I started my TTC journey when I was 28 and thought I'd be done having children by now. Don't get me wrong I'm uber grateful that I had my sweet Myles and that we are expecting twins, but you just don't forget the pain of infertility and miscarriage. You just don't forget going in for an ultrasound at 12wks gestation on your 30th birthday to discover that your baby died a week or so ago. I spent my entire 30th birthday crying in an ER because my first pregnancy after 1.5 years of trying had ended. That kind of pain sticks with you. And last year my birthday was even worse. I expected to be spending it snuggling Mr. Myles, but instead I sat crying at his grave. So, yeah birthdays aren't all they are cracked up to be for me.

This year my dear friends and family did their best to lift my spirits. My dear friend, A, greeted me at school with a tea latte and a card saying that she "hopes this year is my best yet". Another dear friend, B, left a card on my desk and gave me a big birthday wish in the hall. Many other friends and family sent cards, emails, and phoned me with birthday wishes. I am incredibly lucky to be loved so much and can't thank all of you enough!

The wonderfully, awe-inspiring, amazing K called to tell me that she snuck in for an u/s today at work as a birthday gift to me. My initial reaction was sheer panic when I heard those words u/s and birthday in the same phrase, but immediately I was relieved to hear that both babies are alive and well. Sweet little Princess (Baby A) was resting sucking "her" thumb and energetic little Ninja (Baby B) was practicing his karate punches on his poor sibling. K said that Baby B was all over the place flipping, kicking, and punching all the while Baby A peacefully rested despite the blows "she" was receiving. I couldn't help but smile thinking of my beautiful little ones thriving in K's womb.

Tonight my wonderful husband, J, took me to my favorite Thai restaurant and made me chocolate chunk brownies for dessert (not exactly diet friendly, but oh so good!). Now we are getting ready to cuddle on the couch, watch a movie and enjoy the ooey gooey, chocolatey brownies!

It's me K....

Okay, okay...sorry its been so long! My two little dudes are back to school and keep me enjoyably busy!

Here's whats been going on....

• HOLY ABDOMEN GROWTH, for a while it was changing maybe every two weeks, now it seems to be daily, perhaps hourly if you ask my co-workers! I'm getting really big sometimes I even catch myself waddling after a long day on my feet in surgery!
• Heart burn - I had it with my boys and it has returned, even earlier! Drinking milk and Tums seems to help, I'm so grateful!
• Movement - I've been feeling the faint bubbles popping for a few weeks I'd say, and now last night B was practicing his ninja kicks as Niki told you, and later while laying in bed I'm pretty sure A did a complete position change, I felt the most graceful, gentle, swish...all the while N&J's ninja never let up (perhaps his baby sister was sick of the ninja kicking and thought a change of scenery might help, who knows). Yes, I've made my mind up A is a girl and B is a boy, these are of course, just "feelings" we'll know for certain in just four short weeks.

My mom and I are hosting Niki's shower for our side of the family, kind of early as I wanted to help mom and needed to be on my feet and able, we have had so much fun coming up with ideas, twins makes it even more fun. She is so deserving of a special day honoring her (and J of course).

I've been thinking ahead to the month of January specifically and praying for no bed rest, I will obey but may go crazy, I don't stop most days. So I've been telling that sweet angel Myles and my angel Daddy, to keep me strong and keep his siblings growing and perfect, I'm certain they'll help...anything to see his mommy and daddy smile!

Enjoy the fall weather, stay positive and keep supoorting our Niki!

Ninja Baby

K just messaged me that Baby B is ninja kicking the heck out of her tonight. She's guessing this little ninja is a boy! :) I'm counting down the days until we get to find out! I'm hoping that K stops by and lets ya'll know how she's been doing. I know how much you like to hear from her!

Note @ Telling Students

Based on "The Mom's" suggestion to notify parents I feel compelled to explain my thoughts on this... (thank you for your comment "The Mom")

I didn't send a note home to the parents informing them that I was pregnant with Myles (and don't know any colleagues who have), so I don't know why I would do that now. I'm not telling my students what they should/shouldn't support (I don't do that) nor am I trying to change their moral/ethical beliefs, but rather am presenting how I am expecting my children. The FACT of the matter is that I'm expecting two babies via a gestational surrogate and I'll explain that. I don't intend to debate the ethics of IVF or surrogacy (although we do have a bioethics unit later in the year where it may come up if students choose to research it; many opt to research PGD and "designer babies"). Obviously, it's clear that I'm in favor of IVF and surrogacy given my situation, but I understand that not everyone is. I don't expect my students to support my personal decisions (nor do I really care if they do or don't). However, it seems unfair to them not to explain how these little lives came to be, which is why I will present the facts of IVF and surrogacy as applications of genetics. (Note: there are National Science standards that would be met by doing this and it's part of our curriculum to present biotechonological advancements.)

Admittedly I don't love the idea of sharing such intimate details of my personal life with my students, but at the same time it just feels weird not to. What would the students think if I just up and left for the remainder of the year in February without any explanation? (I plan to take maternity leave for the rest of the year after the babies are born.) My guess is that they'd be worried and confused. I respect them too much to do something like that. I found my students were interested in my pregnancy with Myles and were amazingly supportive when I was on hospital bedrest. They requested weekly updates from my sub, sent cards, and a large number came to show their support at Myles' funeral. So, I know they care and genuinely have an interest in my life just as I do in their's. Plus, quite frankly just like any expectant parent I'm excited to share my news with others. If I was carrying the babies myself, I probably would have told my students by now (or clearly they'd have figured it out by the size of my belly). So, I plan to share the exciting news with my students knowing that I may have questions from parents and students. Questions don't make me uncomfortable. Questions actually give me an opportunity to do what I do best--educate!

Telling Students

I'm still "in the closet" about the pregnancy with my students (and their parents). I'm trying to get to know the students a little bit before I drop the bomb on them. It's not quite as easy to say "I'm expecting twins, but someone else is carrying them" as it is to say "I'm pregnant with twins." Fortunately I'm a biology teacher and can use my announcement as a lesson about IVF, which is a part of our discussion of applied genetics in a biotechnology unit. Unfortunately we don't cover genetics until the end of 2nd quarter and I'd like to make the announcement by the end of October. I am not quite sure how to launch into the announcement and am looking for advice and/or suggestions. I plan to make a PowerPoint to show the process of IVF and to explain gestational surrogacy, but I don't know how to introduce it out of context. I have considered putting an extra credit question on an upcoming quiz that says "What should Mrs. A name her twins?" I thought this would get the ball rolling and give me a fun way to bring it up. After it's been put out there that we're going to have twins, then I could use the PowerPoint to teach them all about how we are expecting our babies. Please share your thoughts with me. I'm open to suggestions!

P.S. K says the babies are super active and she's starting to feel more and more movement. K says the movements are now more blunt and less bubble-like. I'm just hoping that the little ones aren't night owls like their daddy and keep "Auntie" K up all night!

P.S.S. I finished Myles' scrapbook this weekend and will post a few pictures of some of the pages later this week. :)

Running & STELLA

This week J and I started the Couch Potato to 5k running program. I am so not a runner--I'm 5'1" with short legs that are far from lean. I enjoy exercise, but running isn't on my preferred (or even optional) exercise list. The only reason I'm doing this program is because J begged me to do it with him. He kind of guilted me into it and since I'm not a quitter I'll stick it out for the 9wks. The first day was rough, but the 2nd day was much better. My students who run cross country tell me that eventually I'll start to feel a "runners high" and I'll enjoy it. I can't imagine such a thing exists, but I sure hope that they're right!

I'm not sure if I've mentioned that I scrapbook?! This is one of my favorite (and quite expensive) hobbies. I have a group of girlfriends who I scrapbook with on a regular basis. We typically do at least 2 weekend scrapbooking get togethers per year along with a day here and there. We usually scrap, eat way too much good food, drink a little wine, gossip, and just have fun! My bff, D, gave our little group a name--STELLA, which stands for Scrapping Talking Eating Laughing Life Artists. This weekend the STELLA girls are going away for a weekend scrap and I can't wait! We just found out that the cabin we're staying in even has a hot tub, so we plan to soak our worries away as well as archive our memories.

I'm still working on Myles' books--a baby book and a memorial book. I plan to keep adding to the memorial book, but hope to finish his baby book this weekend. However, I seem to get stuck on the journaling portion of the book. It's pretty emotional, so I tend to skip it and now I need to just buckle down and do it. I figure that if I cry in front of my STELLA girls it won't be the first or last time and they'll be there to hold my hand and cry with me. I'll try to post some pictures of my pages next week.

Free Meds!

I have 3.5 boxes of Endo.metrin that I'd like to donate to someone going through infertility treatments. Endo.metrin is a vaginal form of progesterone that is quite expensive if you have to pay for it out of pocket--we paid around $550 for a couple of boxes. You may remember that we were quite fortunate to get some donated Endo.metrin from my sweet friend Cortney, which we used, but had already ordered our own Endo.metrin. We might have used it all, but K opted to quit the Endo.metrin and stay on the PIO (I know crazy, hah?!). Therefore, we have all of these leftovers. My clinic will take the meds, but I prefer to donate it to someone who doesn't have infertility insurance coverage. So, if your RE is requiring that you (or someone you know) use Endo.metrin and your health insurance won't pay for it, please leave a comment with your contact information because I'd love to mail it to you!

14 wk Twin Belly Photo

I just saw K a week ago and I swear her belly grew significantly since then. Today K stopped by to see me at school and when she was walking towards me I said "holy belly" out loud. I LOVE her baby belly and couldn't stop staring at it. I wanted to start rubbing it, but figured that would garner some very strange looks from high school students passing by. K looks absolutely amazing and "wears" pregnancy quite well! Here's another photo of K and her wonderful family taken before attending a wedding:

TO ALL OF MY WONDERFUL BLOGREADERS: THANK YOU!!!!! You are such an amazing group of women and I can't thank you enough for your understanding, support, love and encouragement. It means a lot to me (and to K) to have all of you walking with us and cheering us on as we inch closer and closer to the finish line! I draw inspiration from each and every one of you, so thank you for sharing your stories with me too! I promise that they'll be more happy, positive posts to come. Again thank you for being there for me and for gently reminding me of a few things I'd forgotten. You girls rock!