Monday, September 21, 2009

33

That is my age today. It's my birthday. It's hard for me to believe that I'm 33 and still don't have a living child. I started my TTC journey when I was 28 and thought I'd be done having children by now. Don't get me wrong I'm uber grateful that I had my sweet Myles and that we are expecting twins, but you just don't forget the pain of infertility and miscarriage. You just don't forget going in for an ultrasound at 12wks gestation on your 30th birthday to discover that your baby died a week or so ago. I spent my entire 30th birthday crying in an ER because my first pregnancy after 1.5 years of trying had ended. That kind of pain sticks with you. And last year my birthday was even worse. I expected to be spending it snuggling Mr. Myles, but instead I sat crying at his grave. So, yeah birthdays aren't all they are cracked up to be for me.

This year my dear friends and family did their best to lift my spirits. My dear friend, A, greeted me at school with a tea latte and a card saying that she "hopes this year is my best yet". Another dear friend, B, left a card on my desk and gave me a big birthday wish in the hall. Many other friends and family sent cards, emails, and phoned me with birthday wishes. I am incredibly lucky to be loved so much and can't thank all of you enough!

The wonderfully, awe-inspiring, amazing K called to tell me that she snuck in for an u/s today at work as a birthday gift to me. My initial reaction was sheer panic when I heard those words u/s and birthday in the same phrase, but immediately I was relieved to hear that both babies are alive and well. Sweet little Princess (Baby A) was resting sucking "her" thumb and energetic little Ninja (Baby B) was practicing his karate punches on his poor sibling. K said that Baby B was all over the place flipping, kicking, and punching all the while Baby A peacefully rested despite the blows "she" was receiving. I couldn't help but smile thinking of my beautiful little ones thriving in K's womb.

Tonight my wonderful husband, J, took me to my favorite Thai restaurant and made me chocolate chunk brownies for dessert (not exactly diet friendly, but oh so good!). Now we are getting ready to cuddle on the couch, watch a movie and enjoy the ooey gooey, chocolatey brownies!

28 comments:

meinsideout said...

Happy Birthday N - you deserve the best and so much happiness.

N said...

Happy happy birthday!

SurroMomma said...

Happy Birthday!!!

Angie Nielsen said...

Happy Birthday! They can be rough, but I hope you have a wonderful year!

Autumn said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA! You deserve to have a great one. I hope that you had the best one in a while. Glad to hear K got a sneak peak at the babies and they are doing good!!!!

Kris said...

I am so glad you had a great bday! I am hoping, wishing and praying that next years birthday is filled only with joy and gratefulness.

I decided to go to the wake for the woman who passed away from HELLP. I wrote about it on my blog. While I was there I was thinking of you, J and sweet baby Myles. What a sad, sad day.

SMK said...

Happy Birthday Niki! YOU DESERVE SOO MUCH! This is the going to be the very best year for you I feel that in my bones. Happy to hear that K snuck in for a birthday ultrasound! I really do understand your feelings so much more than I would ever admit but out of all this sorrow will come great joy! Virtual hugs to you!! :)

Kelly said...

So did you reveal the genders or am I reading too much into this? Anyhow, Happy Birthday to you!!!! And how wonderful to hear the babies are thriving! :)

Lost in Space said...

Happy Birthday, Niki!! It sounds like you were surrounded by the same love you continually give.

Jayme said...

Yay, Happy Birthday Niki!!!

Meg. said...

Happy birthday, Niki!

I'm so glad that your special day was filled with wonderful news about your Princess and Mr. Ninja.

Aren't you curious to see if these in utero traits will carry over outside the womb? You could have your hands full. =)

Hope you had a lovely evening with J and the brownies!

Jaymee said...

super huge happy birthday!!!! we are now the same age!! what a wonderful gift from k, she is just so awesome. enjoy those super ooey gooey brownies!

Heather said...

Happy Birthday Niki!

blueeyedtawni said...

Happy Birthday!!!! brownies and ultrasounds sounds good :)
its a win win situation

Donna said...

Happy Birthday!

Lucy said...

Happy Birthday, one day late!

I second your friend's wishes that this year brings great things for you!

What a great present from K.

Monica said...

Happy (Belated) Birthday!
Monica

Bluebird said...

Happy birthday, sweet girl! K's "gift" brought tears to my eyes- has to be the best thing ever :)

goldenjag25 said...

Happy Birthday Miss Niki, I really hope it is the best one yet. Chocolate chunk brownies??? Can't go wrong with those. :) Keep staying strong, sounds like the babies are doing fantastic!

Jacinta said...

Happy Birthday Niki, double number birthdays are always lucky! Enjoy

Barb said...

Happy Birthday! I have to agree with Jacita...I think 33 will your lucky year:) Hope you had a great day!

Noelle said...

Happy Birthday! I too am 33, and I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would still be childless. It is lonely, and I don't fit in anywhere. I have been married for 12 years, and no kids. Who does that????

Just think, you will have a bit of a delayed present, but you will have your little ones soon :)

Karma & Adam said...

Happy Birthday!
It's my bday next Monday and I also remember feeling very frustrated on my 34th that maybe I was going to turn 35 and STILL not be a mom. But A (finally!) showed up 3 months before my 35th : )

sara said...

Happy birthday! Those brownies do sound great :-)

Dora said...

Late to the party, but HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

I remember how hard your last one was. Much happiness to you! xoxo

Jen said...

Happy Belated Birthday!

Wewurtskihit said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

m said...

Happy birthday to you! Yes, they do change shape after loss, but it sounds like you have a great circle around you trying to bring some happy into your day - and thai makes everything better. :-)

Niki, can you email me at polchic@hotmail.com? Please? I have some questions about surrogacy I'm hoping you and some of my bloggy pals can help with.

Thanks so much.