Today's Nursery Project: Crib #1

Tonight J and I assembled the above crib--we made a good team and had it together in about an hour. This crib is a baby shower gift from my two best friends, L and J(the mattress is a baby shower gift from their moms). J and L are hosting the "big" baby shower (#5) this coming Sunday at my parent's house. They figured it was easier to deliver the crib to our house rather than taking it to my parent's for me to bring back to my house with all of the other gifts I'll have. I am so lucky to have such wonderful friends and can't thank them enough for such a generous gift! L and J you both know I love you dearly!

I was excited all day to put the crib together and couldn't stop staring at it when it was done. I immediately put the bedding on the crib to get the full effect. Unfortunately, my matching mobile doesn't fit on the crib, so I won't be able to use it. The crib is beautiful and very sturdy. After the showers this weekend we will order the other crib even though we could probably get along with just one for awhile. I like to have everything in order, so I want to get ther other one now too. The boys are really going to love them!

Baby Gifts from Cyberfriends

I am feeling so lucky and blessed. Not only do I have beautiful K carrying two healthy boys who are growing big and strong, but I also have so many wonderful friends and family. Some of my friends I know in real life while while others I only know through blogs and messages boards. Most of the women I know in cyberspace have been touched by infertility, preeclampsia, and/or baby loss. These are the women who completely "get it" because they've lived through it and somehow managed to survive the nightmare. These women can lift and warm my soul in ways that others can't.

Last week I received a couple of packages in the mail from women I haven't had the privilege of meeting. One of the gifts was a Moby wrap and came from a fellow blogger, Meg at On the Wrong Side of the Statistics. When I asked for advice about baby carriers sweet Meg shared her love for the Moby wrap and offered to mail me an extra, brand-new Moby wrap that she had received for a shower gift. I was so touched by this random act of kindness. Meg has suffered who own share of heartache and loss on her journey and is now blessed with a beautiful son. I feel so lucky to be on the receiving end of Meg's generosity and can't wait to carry my boys in the carrier when they arrive. Thank you so much Meg for your kindness!

The other gifts came from a fellow preeclampsia survivor and IVF vet, JC. I met JC on IVFC while I was cycling in July '07 and have "known" her ever since. When Myles died JC and her dear husband sent us a beautiful bouquet of flowers. I was deeply touched by JC's willingness to reach out to me in a time of deep and utter despair. Although we had been chatting on-line for several months, we were virtual strangers. I won't forget this amazing act of kindness. I may not know J in real life, but I have been touched by her warm, caring personality. Through the miracle of IVF J has been blessed with 4 beautiful boys (her oldest are twins) and she sent me two gifts that she couldn't live without. One is a book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins by Marc Weissbluth and a cd of baby lullabies by Nicollette Larson (which are peaceful, melodic sounds). I hope that both of these items work as well for us with our boys as they did for JC and her boys! Thank you so much JC--you are such a kind soul!

A Walk to Remember Myles

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, so many organizations and support groups around the country are hosting remembrance walks. We missed the local support group's walk last week due to prior obligations, but our dear friends, S, B, and T, braved the cold (upper 20's) and blustery winds yesterday to walk in memory of our sweet Myles. J and I are so very touched by their tribute and hope to join them next year! Although seeing Myles' name on the back of the t-shirt brought tears to my eyes, it also made me smile knowing that others continue to remember our little boy. Thank you so much S, B, and T for walking in memory of "Smyles"! We love you and feel fortunate to call you our friends! Check out the photo slideshow S put together for us. Oh and I could be wrong, but I'm guessing that Myles' namesake, Miles Davis, is playing the music on the photo slideshow (am I correct S?). :)

Please take a moment to remember all those babies who were lost early in pregnancy, those lost later in pregnancy, those who entered the world silently, and those who's lives were cut too short. Every parent who loses their child(ren) silently grieves daily and never, ever forgets no matter how long it's been. Please do not be afraid to speak the name of those children who've left their parents to live in this world without them. I can tell you from experience that the mere mention of my child's name warms my heart and makes me smile. I'm certain it would do the same for other babyloss parents.

Running & STELLA

This week J and I started the Couch Potato to 5k running program. I am so not a runner--I'm 5'1" with short legs that are far from lean. I enjoy exercise, but running isn't on my preferred (or even optional) exercise list. The only reason I'm doing this program is because J begged me to do it with him. He kind of guilted me into it and since I'm not a quitter I'll stick it out for the 9wks. The first day was rough, but the 2nd day was much better. My students who run cross country tell me that eventually I'll start to feel a "runners high" and I'll enjoy it. I can't imagine such a thing exists, but I sure hope that they're right!

I'm not sure if I've mentioned that I scrapbook?! This is one of my favorite (and quite expensive) hobbies. I have a group of girlfriends who I scrapbook with on a regular basis. We typically do at least 2 weekend scrapbooking get togethers per year along with a day here and there. We usually scrap, eat way too much good food, drink a little wine, gossip, and just have fun! My bff, D, gave our little group a name--STELLA, which stands for Scrapping Talking Eating Laughing Life Artists. This weekend the STELLA girls are going away for a weekend scrap and I can't wait! We just found out that the cabin we're staying in even has a hot tub, so we plan to soak our worries away as well as archive our memories.

I'm still working on Myles' books--a baby book and a memorial book. I plan to keep adding to the memorial book, but hope to finish his baby book this weekend. However, I seem to get stuck on the journaling portion of the book. It's pretty emotional, so I tend to skip it and now I need to just buckle down and do it. I figure that if I cry in front of my STELLA girls it won't be the first or last time and they'll be there to hold my hand and cry with me. I'll try to post some pictures of my pages next week.

The kindness of IF strangers turned friends

I just want to say that I hope my previous post didn't offend anyone. My dear friend, S, gave me some enlightening perspective on why not everyone visits the cemetary as often as I do and it makes complete sense. As S reminded me I go to Myles's grave to grieve a loss that is still fresh and raw whereas many others go to a grave of their long lost loved ones once in awhile simpley to pay tribute. I feel terrible for being annoyed and for saying this becaue I think I may have given the impression that going once a year isn't enough or doesn't show true love or sadness over a loss. I didn't mean that and am grateful that S helped me understand. Please accept my apologies if I may have offended you.

I have been meaning to give a shout out to my dear IF blogger friend, Cortney, for an amazing and kind thing she did for me. Cortney noticed me mention the high out-of-pocket costs we incurr for Endo.metrin and offered to send me a bunch of extra that she had. Cortney isn't cycling at the moment, but has some embabies waiting for her in the freezer when she's ready. Since she's currently in limbo and her insurance covers the meds, she was happy to give it to someone who needed it. I was so touched and appreciative of her offer. I immediately messaged her to say that I (I mean K) would love the meds, so she packaged them up and sent them my way.

When I got home from work on Friday I saw a large box on my front steps, which I immediately opened to find the Endo.metrin and a number of other goodies! There was a long, heartfelt hand-written letter from Cortney explaining all of the other gifts in the package. She thoughtfully included a box of brownie mix for me to make for K after the ET, four frisbees to give to K's boys, a ceramic frog to put on Myles's grave (shown in previous post), and four boxes of Endo.metrin plus a few loose suppositories (this much would cost me over $1000). Cortney said that she wanted to "send a little hope and love" with her gift, so she included two heart-shaped stones that say "love" and "hope". I feel so fortunate to be so loved and am very full of hope for this cycle. Not too long ago Cortney donated some of her stimming meds to another girl who ended up getting a bfp, so we're hoping that the rest of her meds are just as lucky! I am so moved and amazed by Cortney's kindness. I met Cortney on a message board and now consider her to be my friend. Thank you for being so darn amazing Cortney. Please pop over to her blog to tell her just how wonderful she is!