Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Feeling Anxious

Today I had a snow day and I spent the entire day writing my sub plans. I plan to take the rest of the school year off, so I had to do plans for almost an entire semester for two different courses. It's a ton of work to say the least, but its done now and I feel great about it! On another good note I found a great long-term sub, so I won't worry about my students for a second while I'm gone (not that I'll have time to).

Tonight I've started worrying about K having the babies early. I don't really have any reason to worry about this (no contractions, pain or anything), but I'm still worrying. I am hoping for at least 6 more weeks of baby baking!

All of a sudden I'm starting to feel very anxious about becoming a mommy to twins. I feel like there's so much I don't know about babies and I worry that I won't be a very good mommy to them. I worry that with two of them and only one of me things are going to be very tough. I worry that they'll both need me at the same time and I won't be able to do what I need to for them both at once. I asked one of my close friends how to hold two newborns at once and she said "I don't know. You'll have to tell me." This makes me nervous that none of my closest friends will be able to provide any advice because they haven't had twins. I love these boys so much already, so I'm not worried about not bonding or anything like that. I simply worry that I'll do something (or more likely many things) wrong that will somehow hurt them. I guess the logistics of two babies and my ignorance of babies/baby stuff are really causing me anxiety right now. I wonder if this is normal for expecting moms? I didn't get to this point in my pregnancy with Myles, so I didn't ever feel this way. And when he was born I had a whole different set of worries. Please tell me if you felt any of these things.

31 comments:

Meg said...

I have to tell you, your worries are so normal and you will find that each worry will work itself out. I promise.

I nannied for twin girls from 3 weeks until they turned 2 before I had Finn. I have seen the way the babies already come out adjusted to sharing space and time. They mellow out and learn to wait a moment pretty quickly. I know it sounds crazy and some early moments are hairy with feeding and sleeping but I promise, after a few crazy weeks, something clicks and they get the way the world ticks...their world is shared with another baby, since in utero until death.

It is crazy and magical at the same time. I highly recommend you read Ready or Not, Here we Come: Guide to the First Year with Twins. Very good read.

The key is to eventually get them on the exact same schedule once they are a little older (like a month). When one wakes, wake the other. When one is hungry, feed the other. After just a few days or weeks, your life will look much like a singleton mama.

LittleM said...

I know nothing of babies, twins, or the like (though I'm hoping one day to have a child through a surrogate, so it could be my future if I'm lucky) but from following your story for the past few months, I can tell you that I think you will be a GREAT mom for what its worth. You love them so much already, and they will feel it when they arrive. I'm a worrier too.. I know how it is. :) Many blessings.. xo

Saffy said...

I don't have twins of my own but my god kids are twins and when they were little I loved snuggling one into each side of my neck :)

You are going to ROCK as a mum. You have waited so long to have babies to bring home that once you get over the shock of having these wonderful little guys in your house, you'll be away laughing.

And as for K carrying the babies - have faith :) Remember - there's absolute NO sign of IUGR, PE, PROM or any of the other acronym nasties. I wouldn't be surprised if in 10 weeks time , you're tapping your foot telling the babies to hurry up :)

Seraphim said...

You are going to be wonderful. Those babies will adore you. And you will figure it out, one day at a time, sometimes even an hour at a time. Hugs xxxx

Jayme said...

Twins is chaotic, overwhelming, and absolutely wonderful. You'll do great! My boys came at 33 weeks, so we did have a brief stint in the NICU- but compared to Elora's stay as a 25 weeker it was cake. I didn't feel scared like with her- they were feeders and growers and totally stable the whole time. There were none of the ups and downs, middle of the night calls, etc.

meinsideout said...

N - perfect post, perfect timing - I am feeling all of those same things. I have not been around a newborn for more than a few hours and I feel terrified at times. I signed us up for a basic baby care class - poor Mr. M - he has a 20 year old son that he helped raise but I am dragging him to all of this stuff - to help my nerves a bit. I am also afraid that my little ones are going to come early and I really need them to stay put for weeks and weeks.

I am here for you - let's try to stay in touch - blog, phone, email - as we go through this together.

((HUGS))

cmatsukes said...

I think you will be a great mom I think holding them you will figure that out when they are there. Watch 18 kids and counting you can alot of hints there she had twins too what a Mom she is. Now thats a woman who juggles alot. I think you will be fine but I can see how you would be fretting these thoughts. Take Care

MDZ said...

Being a mom is a learning process, whether you have twins or a singleton. I only have one and believe me, I spent plenty of time trying to figure things out. What does that cry mean? Is it okay that he's doing this? It's totally normal to feel anxious and you'll get over it once those boys are in your arms. My sister had twin boys through a surrogate and she used to put both of them in bouncy seats, sit on the floor with her back against the couch for support and feed both of them bottles at the same time. I'm sure you'll do just great!

Kate said...

I think every new mother feels the same way. I'm sure you'll be fine. I babysat twins when I was 13 (plus their 5yo sister), starting when they were about 4-5 months, I think. I'm sure they weren't as demanding as newborns, but if I could do it at 13, you'll be able to do it with your own babies!
As far as I can tell, scheduling is key. They're a lot tougher than you think. A good swaddle with blankie around the head and neck will provide some support for the floppy head stage to help get both of them up. Who knows, you may like having one on your legs and the other on your shoulder. I'm sure you'll get it all figured out in short order.

Gibson Twins said...

I worried constantly about things when I was pregnant with A&R. I literally was convinced they were going to be born at 24 weeks and then 25 and 26 and so on.

As far as parenting twins, it comes so naturally. If you'd like a good book recommendation, I'd highly recommend Twinspiration by Cheryl Lage (her blog is twinfatuation.blogspot.com). So much info in there about the newborn/infant days.

I didn't hold both of the babies at the same time most of the time. Usually I set their carseats in front of me with blankies in them and would keep my foot on one to rock that baby when I was holding the other during a feeding. But physically it IS possible to hold both at the same time. Just not very convenient.

For feedings, if you find yourself in a pinch, try a Podee bottles (a bottle with a straw that holds the nipple and then it just weighs the same as a binky so the baby can hold it in their mouth easily). Not an every feeding solution but it did save us a few times.

Baths- the little infant tubs you buy are designed to fit into a double kitchen sink. The ridges hold it in place on the side and in the middle. I used to line the infant carseats with their hooded towels and put them in their with just diapers on, wrap them up, bathe them in the sink in the little tub then put them right back into their carseat in the towel and do the other baby. We did that clear up through 9 months and it saves your back from the bending in the big bathtub.

You'll find all kinds of little tricks that work for the boys. And you'll become wonderful at time management :) You can do it, Niki! If you ever need anything just email me and I would be happy to share any tricks I have with you

Jen said...

All of those are pretty normal worries! And don't worry, you will figure it out. I cannot tell you how many times a day I apologize to Alison that her mommy has no clue what she is doing!

Karen said...

My sister has twins and she gets a lot of help from a Mothers of Twins club. It saves her a lot of money too when they have their sales of used clothing and other stuff. Maybe you could look into it and see if there's one in your area. You could go to meetings before they are born and make some friends that have twins.

Crystal said...

Oh my Niki, I know how you are feeling (well except the twin part lol) but I didn't get that far with Addison either. When I was pregnant with Jack I washed all of his clothes and I was putting them away. I called my mom and had a complete breakdown because I thought I was going to be a horrible mom because I didn't know which clothes I should hang or which clothes I should fold or ANYTHING! I thought who am I kidding I have no idea how to take care of a baby outside the NICU. I think its normal to have these feelings. And I think if I were expecting twins I would probably have those same feelings ALL over again. lol.. But the truth is those babies aren't going to know any better. They are learning just like you so no matter what, in their eyes you ROCK! And they will probably look at outsiders like what the heck thats not how my mom does it! hehe.. cuz ur their mommy and in their eyes your PERFECT. And I KNOW that you will be awesome. And so what if you don't do it like everyone else because you will do what works for YOU and ur beautiful boys. :)

The Lesters said...

I felt all those things and more. Totally normally. I felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster. One minute so excited the next so scared. I even felt guilty about feeling overwhelmed because of the hard road to our boys. But please don't feel guilty. What you are feeling is totally normal. I'm not going to sugar coat it and tell you that every thing is going to be peaches and cream. The first 2 years were very hard at times. But the good far outweighs those moments of stress. Yes, having 2 babies is difficult. You will find you can't do some of the things that those with one baby can do. But that's ok because those with one baby will never get to experience how your boys will interact with each other, play games with each other, and become best friends. Having twins is such a beautiful thing and you are so blessed to have that experience. My twins were born at 35wks 3days and didn't spend even one minute in the NICU. There have been some challenges due to their prematurity. They have to have therapy because they are a little behind. But they're doing awesome and will be fine.

Oh and I second what someone said about getting them on the same schedule. It is a life saver!

The Lesters said...

Oh and I wanted to give a tip on feeding. I bottle fed my boys and I would sit on the couch in between them. And each of the them were in a boppy on either side of me so I could feed them both at the same time. It helped me get more sleep and made things more manageable. You will learn to multitask in a hurry. =)

Andrea said...

I hope its normal, b/c I feel the same way:) We can learn together, via blogs and message boards if that is the only way.

You will be a great mom:)

Kim said...

Tomorrow is 28 weeks! Congratulations!! After all you have been through, it is completel natural to be anxious! I have several friends who have twins, and you will just be fine!! As others has said, schedule is everything! You are pretty organized Niki, so I thing you will do wonderful! (HUGS)

Expectant Duck said...

totally panicked too, read the book twinsense - do not buy it is is the WORST book that goes on and on about how cr*p life is with children and how you will have no time for anyhting (yet she had time to write a book?). And she totally freaked me out about breastfeeding, but, after a little google I felt better.

goldenjag25 said...

Niki, your feelings are totally normal! I had similar fears while pregnant, granted I only have one child but the fears were similar. I had never really been around newborns before so it was very scary and overwhelming to think about. Honestly though after the first few days you really do just get into the routine of it, and everyone says this but it is totally different with your own kid(s), you will know how to handle them. You will do great!!!

Meg. said...

Does any expectant parent really know what they're doing? =)

Obviously, I haven't been in your shoes, but after reading your blog for quite some time now, I am fully confident that you and DH will be amazing parents to your sweet twinsies.

You've gotten a lot of good advice from the other twin-mom commenters!

Kris said...

Oh Niki....you are going to be a fabulous mommy! There are so many things that new moms don't know about babies, but now you will have two little ones to teach you the ropes. Take advantage of the nurses in the hospital and have them help you and teach you. I keep asking Mike, "how do you feed two babies at once?" I have no clue, but we will figure it out:) And hopefully I will have some good tips to pass along to you and your boys by the time yours arrive.

leikay2 said...

Your worries are more than normal. I have twin girls and also have 2 other girls and let me tell you I was WAY more nervous about the twins than the other 2, how to hold them, how to feed them, how to do just about anything with 2 newborns. I was also worried about early delivery. I can tell you that you will find what works for YOU. There are plenty of mom support groups for moms of multiples and most hospitals will give you that info at the hospital after the boys are born or you can start to google them now. Twins are so much fun!! I am so excited for you and your family. I am also a surrogate and have been following your journey for a while but hardly comment. The whole feeding schedule is totally up to you, and what you want. My girls were on separate schedules for the first 2 months and I liked it that way cause it gave me separate bonding time for them once they got a little older I started to lag the feeding times sot hat they eventually were on the same one. It is totally up to you but with twins schedule is key. Once you get a baby on a schedule life becomes WAY more predictable and it is easier to go out into the world cause then you can plan things around their schedule.. Good luck!! and CONGRATS!!

Erica said...

Um, feeling them RIGHT NOW!!! My boys are still in the NICU, but I definitely feel torn in two. I'll be holding one and simultaneously hoping the other one is okay and doesn't need anything. It's a very weird feeling, but I'm pretty sure it's normal. And who the hell defines normal anyway? You'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'm thinking our kids will be way more adjusted and "chill" because we won't be able to hover over them every single time they make a sound - well, unless the other one is sleeping. :)

Hang in there - according to my definition, you're normal.

Jaymee said...

it is completely normal! really if you were not having these feelings that would be abnormal. twins are going to make you feel crazy, completely frazzled, and totally head over heals in love. the good news is that all of you will survive, you will figure it out and it will make surviving those teen years so much easier, because if you can make it through infancy with two sneaking out in the middle of the night is going to be a piece of cake. i took care of my friend's twin boys for the first 6 weeks of their lives, because she was in and out of the hospital, i knew very little about babies and they are now perfect 10 year olds. it is a challenge but you figure it out. just remember that no one really knows what they are doing, it is really a matter of learning your babies and meeting their needs, and i promise that you will learn.

Marissa said...

I have been following your blog linked from another one and you already are a wonderful mom! You will give the babies what they need just like you gave miles all the love and support that he needed. I have no advice on the twins but just had my sweet boy in September after my fertility struggle. I think we worry more than other women because we have had so much time to think about it and we really know what a gift our little ones are. I personally have to work daily on having faith that good things will happen and not let fear control me. My wonderful husband really balances my anxiety out. Just remember you have a fantatstic hubby and you are not in this parenting thing alone. Plus you have such a fantastic family and friends. And I have come to this conclusion all after a few months of following your blog :). Your feelings are so normal but you got this!!! You are an awesome momma!!!!!

Saffy said...

28+1!!!!

Becky K said...

I stumbled across your blog today. I'm hoping for the best for you and your family! Your video of your son Miles was so amazing.

What an amazing cousin you must have. She is doing such an a selfless thing for you. God bless you & your family.

MyLifeMyWorld & Growing Families said...

Honestly, what your feeling is completely normal and it's because you love them sooo much! We all worry as new mommies, and I'm sure even more so when there is two coming along, but really, two is not much different than one when it comes to baby care. Just double, and less sleep.

You'll get it, I promise, it'll come to you.

If I can offer some advice, just take it one day at a time. Ask for help when you need it, don't try to be a super mom, have moments to cry and vent out frustrations...just because you struggled to get here, doesn't mean you won't have bad mommy days, afterall being a mom is a hard job.

Lastly, always know that we all screw up, we all make mistakes, and it's okay, it's what makes us better parents in the end because we learn from them.

You can do it, your going to do it, and you'll be good at it, just wait and see!

Jess said...

As a mom to 14 month old twin girls, I can tell you that it all comes naturally. I worried a lot about how I was going to console both of the girls at the same time. But I did it...and I did it often.

Right around 5 weeks or so they hit their "witching hour" at about 4:30pm. That left me with a little over an hour before my husband would come home to help rescue me from the madness...and you know where he found us? On the rocking chair with one girl in each arm. I don't necessarily remember how I picked them both up, but I did. This went on for probably over a month.

Yes, you will feel pulled in different directions. I had one very demanding baby and one laid back baby - so I felt like I was constantly neglecting the laid back one. But once you develop a good routine it becomes just like second nature. You'll do just fine!!!

Drowned Girl said...

You will find your way. Sometimes things will all go haywire and everybody will be in tears (inc you but that's normal.

Csn you join a rl twins club or online forum?

Take all the help you can get. Don't try to be supermum.

xxx

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