Thursday, October 15, 2009

Remembering Myles


Today and every day for the rest of my life I will remember. I remember Myles' sweet little face and big, sparkling eyes. I remember admiring his tiny twisted toes and round little nose. I remember Myles turning to the sound of my voice. I remember how warm he felt against my chest and how soft his skin felt against my fingers. I remember watching my husband hold his son for the first time and feeling so proud. I remember hearing J say "Myles is full of smiles" and thinking about how he was probably smiling on the inside. I remember begging the universe to spare Myles and wishing I could take his place. I remember loving so intensely and losing so much. I remember feeling like I was living in a bad dream and I remember waiting to wake up. I remember the unconditional love and the immense pain of losing my long-awaited child. I will always remember my son, Myles, and the joy he brought to my life.

17 comments:

Poppy said...

It's been awhile since I commented but I'm still out here reading.

Big hugs to you. I can totally imagine how you're feeling. I'm missing Jayden something fierce today.

Kelly said...

((((Niki)))) He will live on in your hearts forever.

Bluebird said...

Remembering your handsome Myles with you, today and every day. ((Hugs)) honey.

Jaymee said...

always remembering. HUGS

Angelwingsbaby said...

Great big ((HUGS))

Jen said...

Hugs.

I am remembering right there with you Niki...I remember your first post on the PE board, following Myles and praying for him, then crying for you and J and many times crying with you. Much love.

Meg. said...

Sweet, precious Myles.

Seeing him always brings a tear to my eye -- because I can feel through the pictures how much he loved you, and you him.

Myles will never be forgotten.

Rebecca said...

Remembering Myles always.

Tiffany said...

Big hugs, I am remembering your sweet Myles today.

Christine, Jason and Baby said...

*HUGS* I am a lurker coming out... Just wanted to say that I have been reading your blog for a while, but I wasn't around when you lost Myles. I can't imagine the pain you feel because I have not lost a child, but I can say that I pray for you and your husband daily. I am glad that you have twins growing and becoming healthy babies. I, too, look forward to the day that you will be united with them and be their forever mommy. *BIG HUGS* Christine

Katie said...

Thinking of you and your son Myles.

Saffy said...

Oh hon, my heart goes out to you - and I'm pretty sure I know that hurt well. That love will never go, never fade and you will always remember the first time Myles looked you in the eye, lay against your skin and you had that blissful euphoric feeling of being a mother.
To be honest, having just had a baby after a 7 year gap following the death of my son, you're probably going to shed more tears leading up to the birth of Myle's beautiful new siblings. Something about bringing new life into the world makes that loss seem even more acute, if that makes sense?
Anyway, I read your blog a lot and have followed this pregnancy with delight. You're going to CONTINUE to be a fabulous mother and those babies are going to permanently hugged in love and will come to know all about their brave big brother.

Noelle said...

I am remembering with you too. He was beautiful.

Allison said...

Oh Niki ~
I can't even imagine the hurt. I remember when I stumbled upon your blog, I stayed up late one night almost reading the whole thing. I was in tears.

Big hugs!

meinsideout said...

I was thinking of you, J and Myles and continue to - ((HUGS))

sara said...

Thinking of you and your beautiful son today...((hugs))

Lost in Space said...

Remembering him along with you, Niki. He enters my thoughts often throughout each week, a little footprint on my heart from a little boy I never met.