Thursday, November 27, 2008

What I am Thankful For

In honor of Thanksgiving I thought I would share with you the things that I am thankful for. Most of the time I feel like I have nothing at all to be thankful for because my baby died and that's usually at the forefront of my mind. I know that I have many obvious things to pay thanks for: my health, my husband's health, a wonderful, supportive, loving husband, great friends and family, two cats who love me unconditionally, a job I enjoy, and a warm house to sleep in. The list could go on and on.

I think that most people would be thankful for all of the things I mentioned above. However, I think that anyone who's lost a child is likely not to publicly give thanks for these things daily. I (and I presume others who've lost children) feel cheated out of the one thing that I wanted most, my son, Myles. I envy all those people who can be thankful for their little ones who smile back at them today.

Despite Myles's physical absence I am most thankful for his very real presence in my life. Myles made me a mommy and filled my heart that was empty for so many years. Myles made my husband a daddy, my parents grandparents, and my brother an uncle. Not only did I get to experience the surreal feelings of Myles moving inside me, but I also got to spend 26 amazing days with my son. I was able to admire my son's resemblence to his daddy, I got to touch his soft skin, I got to talk to him and notice him recognize my voice, I got to hold him close to my skin and feel his heart beat next to mine, I got to see his sparkling, beautiful eyes, and I got to know that with my husband (and Dr. S) I created the most amazing little miracle baby. I am thankful for the inspiration that I draw from my son every single day. Myles is my son and for that I am eternally thankful.

I am also very thankful that I have someone who loves me and my husband so much that she's willing to give up her body to help us bring another baby into the world. K is truly our angel of hope. She is a selfless, loving woman who truly embodies goodness. I can not express my gratitude and thanks for my cousin K and her loving, supportive family.


JourneyofHope said...

This is a beautiful post. I know that the holidays are pretty tough and the fact that you are being so brave is admirable. Big hugs to you.

Lisa said...

Niki - you are a beautiful woman with a beautiful heart. ((HUGS))

B said...

Myles is beautiful.

So tiny and so precious.

My thoughts are with you too.