Ob Appointment & Fetal Movement

Today K had an ob appointment and I tagged along. I was most excited about hearing the babies heart's beating strong on the doppler. The nurse was a little apprehensive about trying to differentiate between the two babies, but we encouraged her. K told the nurse where to place the doppler to find Baby B and the nurse didn't believe her that she should place the transducer so high (see photo below), but sure enough there was the strong sound of a galloping horse. Baby B's heartrate was 164bpm.

K then instructed the nurse to move the transducer down lower to find Baby A (see below) and there she found the 2nd "galloping horse" sound. It was music to my ears! Baby A's heartrate was 172bpm. The babies are in a "bunk bed" position as K calls it--at last week's u/s it appeared that Baby B was sitting on top of Baby A.

When our ob, Dr. D, finally came in he gave me a big hug (M does that make you jealous that I got to hug our boyfriend?). This was the first time that I got to see him in this pregnancy and he is quite excited for us. We spent a lot of time talking to him. He answered all of our questions (okay mainly mine), so we are feeling good about everything. We discussed scheduling the c-section, which Dr. D said couldn't be done until 39wks, and the risk of going into labor sooner and having to have someone else in the practice deliver the babies (if Dr. D isn't on-call at that time). This made me a bit anxious, but I felt a little better when Dr. D said that he planned to do his best to be here for the delivery. He said that this is one delivery he wouldn't want to miss! Aww, I love him!

K won't go back for another 4wks and won't have another u/s until the Level II scan at 20wks. I'm fine with this because K is starting to feel the babies moving already, which I presume will get more and more regular with the coming weeks. Knowing that K is able to feel the babies move gives me the reassurance I need that both babies are still alive and well. The "big" u/s is scheduled for Oct. 20 and it can't get here soon enough as I'm anxious to find out the genders of these little ones!

K looked so cute today, so I took a 12wk belly shot photo of her for my scrapbook (see below). I just love her belly and can't wait to watch it get bigger!

*BTW ... it was brought to my attention (thanks K.S.) that I somehow disabled the Anonymous commentor option, so I reenabled that option. I honestly don't know how the heck I did that and apologize to those of you who've been wanting to anonymously comment!

NT Scan

Let me just start by saying that this appointment was absolutely AMAZING! K was looking beautiful as usual and as you can see in the photo above J had her laughing as usual too. Both babies are getting big (size of a lime) and look more like babies now! I'm continually in awe of K and her baby-baking abilities! K is pretty certain she felt the babies moving last night, which is early, but I've heard with multiples that they're felt sooner. K also has some gender predictions, but I'll let her share them with you in another post. I don't really have any yet, but that's probably because I'm so worried about their health that their gender doesn't seem as significant.

The babes were sleeping when they first put the transducer to K's belly, but all of a sudden they woke up and were quite active. Based on their behavior I think it's clear that these babies have very different personalities already. Baby A was quite cooperative and only did a few somersaults and flips after the NT measurements were made. He/she even gave us a little wave. Baby B on the other hand was a little stinker during the scan and refused to get into the necessary position to get the NT measurements. However, after much persistance, some apologies on my part, and two u/s techs we did get Baby B's measurements. After the one techs hand got sore and she asked the other tech to give it a try I said "I feel like I need to apologize for Baby B's uncooperative behavior." Shortly after that Baby B assumed the position and the measurements were taken. So despite being a bit fiesty he/she does listen to his/her mama! Both babies NT measurements were "normal" (see below) and indicate a low risk for Trisomies 21, 18, and 13.

Baby A: NT = 1.5mm; FHR = 167bpm; CRL = 5.1cm (GA = 11.8wks)
Baby B: NT = 1.6mm; FHR = 163bpm; CRL = 5.2cm (GA = 11.9wks)

Additionally, the u/s techs were able to do an anatomical assessment and observed almost all of their tiny organs (e.g., bladder, stomach, kidneys, heart), complete spines, and 3 vessel cords in both babies.

Here are some pics of the babies from today:

No U/S today

Yesterday afternoon my RE, Dr. S, called me to personally congratulate us on the pregnancy. When I was pregnant with Myles he did the same thing and I thought it was so sweet! He asked me how K's feeling and what she thinks about carrying two babies. He went on to tell me that he's very pleased with the first u/s and that he's fine with not having another one for two weeks. So, we cancelled the u/s for today and won't go back until 7/23 for another look at the babies. I was a little disappointed that I wouldn't get a look at them until after my trip, but now I think it will give me something to look forward to when I return!

Several people have asked me how I'm feeling and for the most part I'm feeling optimistic and hopeful. However, I have to be honest that last night fear crept in and I started the obsessive googling of topics ranging from normal embryonic heart rates at 6wks to pre-term labor with twins. I promised myself that I wouldn't do that, so I need to get a grip. When I return from Alaska I plan to talk with my therapist about strategies for coping with the fear and anxiety. Of course the easy solution is to not visit Dr. Google, but that doesn't always work for me when I'm in a moment of weakness. Being in Alaska will help over the next week until u/s #2 because I'll have limited access to the internet.

Red spotting and an early ultrasound

Today while I was driving back from a funeral I got a phone call from K saying that she was having red spotting, so she called her local ob to request an ultrasound today. K told her ob that there was no way that either of us could wait for the appointment on Tuesday--we'd both be total nervous wrecks over the weekend. The ob was my ob and he's been my gyn for years and knows how I am, so he squeezed K in for an u/s at 2pm. Unfortunately I was about 3 hours from home at this time, so I couldn't make it. K's mom, my wonderful aunt L, accompanied her.

I was sick to my stomach waiting for K to call me with the news. Finally K called me and said "your babies are fine". I wasn't quite sure that I heard her correctly, so I replied with "our babies?" and K said yes "babies". She proceeded to explain that the u/s showed two gestational sacs in the fundus of her uterus. Both sacs contained fetal poles measuring 6wks 1day with heart rates of 109bpm and appropriately sized yolk sacs. The ob couldn't find any source of the bleeding, but assured K that bleeding isn't uncommon during the 1st trimester. My RE's nurse said it could be from the highly vascular cervix and reiterated bleeding is much more common with multiples. Of course that doesn't put K or I at ease given our history with bleeding, but we are reassured by her ravenous appetite and exhaustion in addition to the u/s findings. We both have a good feeling about this pregnancy and will continue to stay hopeful.

K came over as soon as we got home to give us the u/s pictures and I literally couldn't stop staring at them in awe. I still haven't stopped smiling!

Baby A (top; you can see Baby B's gestational sac below Baby A):

Baby B (shown between the + signs; sac looks funny in the photo but K says it looks normal)

We still have the u/s scheduled for Tuesday and may go if K keeps spotting, which would give both K and I some additional reassurance before I jet off to Alaska. If we don't go on Tuesday, then the next u/s will be on July 23. Please keep K and our babies in your thoughts and prayers.

Silence, Alaska, and K's symptoms

I find myself without words to express my swirling thoughts right now, hence the silence. I'm trying to be patient as we wait for the u/s, which is now less than a week away, by distracting myself with preparations for my Alaska trip. I'm taking 7 high school students to the Kenai peninsula of Alaska for a week long Eco-edventure. We are going to explore temperate rainforest, trek on massive glaciers, sea kayak with marine mammals and birds, cruise the waters on a 26-foot boot in search of orcas and humpback whales, meet native Alaskans, and participate in community conservation projects in conjunction with the US Forest Service. We're not camping, but we're not staying at a luxury resort either. We're staying in a hostel called Moby Dick in Seward. I'm looking forward to the splendor and beauty of Alaska!

Many people have asked me how K is doing and I'm guessing the rest of you are wondering too, so I thought I'd give you an update. Overall K feels good. She's had cramping typical of early pregnancy and has been been feeling extremely exhausted. K says here ( . )( . ) are huge and sore. She's also starting to feel hungry all the time.

I'd be lying to you if I didn't say I'm a little anxious about Tuesday's u/s. Tonight at dinner I told J that I'm worried that we won't see a heartbeat or that there won't be a baby or that ... (insert any fear you can think of). J reminded me that worrying is normal and that there's really nothing any of us can do at this point. Everything is out of our control and we can't change the outcome, but we can control and/or change our attitude and outlook. So, I continue to work hard to maintain a hopeful, positive attitude despite my fears. I can honestly say that overall I do have a "good feeling" and am optimistic that we will get good news on Tuesday.

Beta #2 is in ...

... 2123!!!

This gives us a doubling time of 1.73 days, so I'm feeling pretty good about that. K's progesterone is 41.76, so we're good there too! I'm hoping that they will reduce her PIO to 1 shot/day rather than the 2 shots/day she's been doing. She's also on Endo.metrin, so it seems like she's getting plenty of progesterone support. We'll get a call from the RE's office later this afternoon to find out about med changes and when they want to schedule the 1st u/s. K and I figured out that they'll want the u/s in two weeks, which is when I leave for Alaska, so we took the liberty of already scheduling the 1st u/s on 7/14 (the day before I depart). So, now we patiently wait for 13 days to find out what's going on in K's uterus.

If I had to guess, I'd wager that both embryos implanted. As you can probably imagine I've spent many hours obsessing over the first beta number and it seems that this level would be off the charts for a singleton (although not impossible). It seems as though the 2nd beta level is well within the range for a twin pregnancy and again quite high for a singleton.



I guess we'll just continue to speculate until we actually see first hand how many are growing in K's uterus. Either way we are ecstatic to be expecting again and continue to be impressed and amazed by K. We understand and fully realize that anything can happen, but are pleased to be moving in the right direction yet again. I continue to be hopeful that this time WILL be different!

Beta #1 is in ...

... 953!!!

When I called the local clinic to get the results of beta #1 (my RE won't call until beta #2 is in) my heart was racing and I was sweating. Oh and I was pretending to be K. The first words out of the nurses mouth were "your beta is really good", so I was expecting a strong number like in the 300's. However, I wasn't expecting almost 953 at 11dp5dt! I literally almost fell over and immediately blurted out that it must be twins. The nurse laughed and then I had to explain that we transferred two hatching blastocysts to "my" uterus (remember I was pretending to be K) only 11 days ago. She just said "oh" and I thanked her for her time. I have to admit that I'm thrilled to have such a strong number, but also a little nervous (err, about more than 2). Well the good news is that K is most definitely pregnant and we are definitely expecting at this point! The 2nd beta is on Wednesday, so please think doubling thoughts!

SJP's surro's got nothin' on K

Not only does K have a uterus to envy she also has some serious mad camera trouble-shooting skills. K played with my camera today and figured out that I had it on some multi-focus setting. She changed it to a single focus setting and was able to take some great photos of the beautiful, darkening hpts!

Today's test (6dp5dt):

The progression of tests: (they are definitely getting darker!)

So pregnant

My camera does this annoying auto-focus thing, so I can't get a clear close-up photograph of the tests. However, I think it's pretty obvious that K is pregnant and the tests already show darkening. Take a look for yourself ...

Oh and in case we couldn't tell from the 2 lines K surprised me with this photo (a little blurry, but clearly says "Pregnant"):

Darkening BFP @ 5dp5dt

K took another test at 5am this morning, which was about than 12 hours later, and the test is noticeably darker. She sent me two photos via a text message, which were small and a bit blurry, yet I could see the 2nd line plain as day! I wouldn't even consider it a light line! K tried to photograph it with her camera, but she said it was too blurry. I plan to go over to her house later this afternoon with my camera in tow to photograph both tests. I promise to put them on the blog for ya'll to see. For now take my word that the test line is very obviously there and K is definitely pregnant ... eek! Baby steps towards the finish line!

BTW ... I know that I should be guarded and not excited given our history, but I decided going into this cycle that guarding myself against potential bad news really doesn't make it any less painful. Therefore, I decided that I'm going to enjoy each and every day that K is pregnant with our baby. I'm going to let myself dream about the future even though it may not come to fruition. So for now I'm fantasizing about K having our babies in early March! :)

VFP @ 4dp5dt

Do ya'll remember K's new acronym during our last cycle?

VFP = very faint positive

Yep, that's what we have again at 4dp5dt! :) K is a super Type A and came home from work and took a test. I received a phone call while out shopping to keep me from obsessing and she said "guess what? I'm pregnant!" I'm sure she could "hear" the smile on my face through the phone. K said she asked her 7 year old to look at the test to ensure that she wasn't seeing things. He told her that he saw 2 pink lines. K has been trying to email me a photo of the test, but it's not coming through. Once I receive it I'll post the photo of the test!

OMG ... I'm still in shock that we got a bfp so early! Can you see me doing a happy dance? Keep thinking + thoughts for us. We want to see the test get darker and darker until the beta on Monday!

So it begins at 3-4dp5dt ...

... the obsessing and worrying that is. Last night I spent a couple hours on the internet looking at photos of high-quality blasts to compare to mine, reading about pregnancy rates with hatching blasts, and looking at hpt pics at 4-5dp5dt. I am officially now in my "normal" obsessive 2ww mode--uggh! I am incredibly anxious and I can't stop thinking about all of the possibilities, both good and bad. I sent K a text late last night asking if she was feeling any symptoms yet and this morning I awoke to her response that she doesn't feel anything yet. Although I know this isn't unusual for being only 4dp5dt, I feel defeated and convinced that the cycle didn't work. Now don't get too worried about me because this is part of the normal ups and downs for me in the 2ww. I haven't lost hope or anything crazy like that, but rather am working through my fears. I'm finding it really hard to prepare for the worst case scenario--a bfn! I haven't had a bfn in any of the other 4 IVF/FET cycles, so I'll be quite shocked to get one with such high-quality, fresh blasts.

Last cycle K's (.)(.) were sore on 4dp5dt, which is today, but she says that according to her journal she didn't notice it until later in the day. If she doesn't feel any tenderness tonight, I know I'm going to be sad. However, I know it doesn't mean a bfn. There are plenty of girls who don't have much in the way of symptoms, but still get a bfp. In fact, I didn't notice symptoms when I was pregnant with Myles until around 9dp5dt when my (.)(.) appeared swollen and the areola were darker and enlarged. So, I need to remain hopeful no matter how she's feeling in the next couple of days. K called to tell me that she's worried about the lack of sore (.)(.), but mentioned that she feels bloated sort of the feeling before af arrives. I told her that could be a good sign! I reminded K (and let's be honest me too) that some girls don't get any symptoms until much later. The plan is for K to POAS tomorrow, which makes me sick to my stomach to think about, so please think + thoughts for us! Please share your 2ww stories with us.

Note to self ... must find things to occupy my free time (which is abundant as I'm on summer vacation) for the rest of the week, so I don't spend every waking hour online obsessing!

K's PUPO

Just as I had hoped the ET was perfect. K and I wore the cute surrogacy t-shirts I made us, which everyone seemed to get a kick out of, and we had fun! K's penthouse uterus was fluffy and readily accepted the new tenants--two Grade A+ blasts (i.e., Grade 1.1 at my clinic, which is the highest score they give). One of the embryos was hatching (pictured below on the top right) when the photo was taken an hour before the transfer. The embryologist expected the other embryo to be hatching by the time of the transfer. Both of my embabies are absolutely beautiful and although I'm biased K, Dr. S, and the entire embryology team at our clinic agreed.

Much to my surprise all 10 embryos were still growing today. The clinic froze one blast today and is watching the other 7 blasts until tomorrow. They anticipate freezing at least one of those embryos, but aren't sure about the others. My clinic has very high standards for the embryo cryopreservation--only embryos graded 2.2 or higher with 1.1 being the highest are frozen. This means that they only freeze embryos graded A's and B's. I have to admit that this is hard for me to stomach given that many women get pregnant with lesser quality embryos, but there's not much I can do about it. Honestly I just try not to think about them throwing out my embryos graded below a 2.2.

I felt completely calm today, which is pretty unusual for me, so I'm taking this as a positive sign. I am nervous to say it, but I'll whisper it ... I'm feeling very good about our prospects this cycle. Both K and I are full of hope! Dr. S was optimistic about our chances of a pregnancy with our first transfer and is even more confident that this transfer will result in a pregnancy. Our betas are 6/29 and 7/1, but K will POAS well before the betas (I stocked her with 8 tests)! We are both anxious to see a + hpt!

Me and K in the lobby of the clinic sporting our t-shirts.

K waiting to accept her new tenants.

Me, K (with embryos inside), and Dr. S after the transfer.

Me, K, two of the embryologists, Allison and Will, after the transfer.

Me, K, and the embryology team after the transfer.

K doing the post-transfer acupuncture session.

Right now K is at home resting--they give Val.ium, which made her a bit sleepy on the ride home. My clinic requires 48hrs of bedrest following the transfer, so I made a fun bedrest basket of goodies (e.g., snacks, magazines, novels, DVDs, aromatherapy lotion, candle, comfy pj's and slippers) to keep K occupied over the next 2 days. I also made meals for supper for K and her her family, so they wouldn't have to worry about what to eat. K's oldest boy wants to stay home from day care tomorrow to help take care of his mommy and I plan to take them lunch. So, between me, her wonderful hubby, T, and her vibrant boys, K and K, K and our little ones will be well taken care of. (I think K might do a post from her bed tomorrow, so look forward to that!)

Ovarian Pain--UPDATE!

UPDATE: First, let me say thank you for being concerned! Second, let me just say that I do NOT have a twisted ovary! Thank goodness! Thrid, let me say holy crap was that some seriously intense pain!!! I could barely walk into the clinic from the car. As I was sitting in the waiting room of radiology I started to sweat and felt severly nauseated and J said "you don't look good". He quickly got me a puke bag from the receptionist who concurred that I looked terrible, which is an understatement for how I felt. I was just willing the pain to go away and crying that I wouldn't be able to go to the transfer with K (I was convinced I had ovarian torsion).

After 30 minutes they wheeled me in to take a look at my ovaries and I thought the technician was going to have a heart attack when she saw the size of my ovaries and said that they were "huge" (apparently my ob/gyn didn't tell them about being post-IVF ER and that it was normal). Of course the tech was tight-lipped and wouldn't tell me anything and her probing and pushing just made the pain worse. I would say at one point the pain level approached an 8 (with 10 being the worst). After the scan she asked me to get dressed until my ob/gyn and the radiologist could examine the scans.

While getting dressed I noticed that the pain seemed to have lessened--maybe now a 6. While sitting in the hall waiting to talk to the doc J commented that I looked a lot better and that "I had color again". I explained that I felt much better and the pain continued to lessen as we sat there. By the time the u/s tech told us we were good to go and that the doc would call me I was feeling like I had nothing more that af-cramps and mild soreness in my right ovary (pain level 2-3). I could walk and didn't have pain. At this point J starts teasing me about loving all the attention and says I was making it all up. I became incredibly embarrassed and wondered what my ob/gyn and my RE think of me. **hangs head in embarrassment** The ob/gyn called to say that other than my ovaries being quite enlarged they are fine. The blood flow to them was great, so I do not have ovarian torsion--yay!

Now I'm left wondering WTF caused this intense pain. My ob/gyn and RE said it could've been a ruptured cyst, but other than that they have no idea what could've caused it. Have any of you had a cyst rupture? If so, what was it like? Either way I'm just happy that the intense pain is gone, that all I'm feeling now is mild cramps, and that our transfer day will be just as I'd hoped with me accompanying K.

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I am not one to complain about physical pain and am usually the one who just sucks it up and works through it, but today things are different. Since about 11am, I've been having intense, persistent pain in my right ovary. The pain radiates from the ovary down my leg, is causing right-side lower back pain, and doesn't go away no matter what I do or how I position myself. I called my reproductive clinic and the nurse told me to immediately go see my gyn or go to the ER because they are worried about ovarian torsion. My gyn is full and their u/s schedule is also full, so she said I have to go to the ER. I called J to let him know and burst into tears. I feel like a huge baby and am worried that it will turn out to be nothing, but I also know that I worry about losing one of my ovaries, which happen to be my only functional reproductive organs. As I got off the phone with J my RE called to let me know that he thinks it's just an enlarged ovary bothering me and that he doesn't think I need to go to the ER. Dr. S said that he'd expect me to be throwing up if it was ovarian torque. He had the nurse prescribe me Tylen.ol 3 to ease the pain and said that they'd take a look at my ovary via ultrasound tomorrow when I'm there for the transfer to K.

I can't help but continue to worry (remember I a queen worry wart) that I'm sitting here doing nothing as my ovary is necrosing due to lack of bloodflow. From what Dr. Google tells me most women just experience the pain and don't actually have the other symptoms and treatment is typically delayed because women don't go in right away. The tell-tale symptoms are exactly what I have intense ovarian pain that radiates to the back, side, and down the thigh. My bff, Dr. E, who's an ob/gyn told me that I should go to the ER. In her experience not everyone has the nausea and vomiting. I called and left a message with my ob/gyn, Dr. D, to see if he thinks I should go to the ER. Dr. D's nurse just called back as I was typing this to let me know that Dr. D wants me to go to radiology for an u/s, so she set up an appointment with them so I don't have to go sit in the ER. I love my gyn, Dr. D! So, I'm on my way to figure out what the heck is going on with my right ovary. I'll update when I get back.

A blast transfer it is

K and I just got word from the clinic that we'll be doing a day 5 transfer on Thursday, June 18 at 10:30am. We won't know until Thursday if we're transferring 2 or 3. We are both very excited and anxious for Thursday to get here! I'm hoping that June 18 turns out to be a lucky date for us!

Fert Report

I learned yet again today that it pays to self-advocate and speak your mind. The embryologist called me this morning per Dr. S's instructions to let me know that of my 13 eggs retrieved 12 were mature and fertilized with ICSI and 10 little embryos are growing strong as I type this! Last cycle I had 19 retrieved, 16 were mature and fertilized with ICSI, and we ended up with 8 blasts to freeze, so if this cycle is anything like last I'm hoping to have at least 5 blasts. I was so worried that I'd only have a few mature and even less growing, so I'm very pleased with this news! The embryologist told me that in both of my IVF cycles I've had higher than average fert report and said that she expects me to have some great embryos to transfer to K this week. Tomorrow we'll get a call to let us know if we are doing a day 3 or day 5 transfer.

Egg Retrieval

Dr. S retrieved 13 eggs this morning. I was hoping for a few more, but quite frankly I was worried we'd get less. So, I'm pleased and am hoping that 13 is a lucky number for us! I expressed my concerns to Dr. S concerning my disappointment and he said that he was quite pleased with my response and considered 13 eggs retrieved to be nothing short of successful. He is hopeful that we will have some great embryos to transfer to K.

Below is a picture of me as I was waiting to have the ER and a photo of the things I brought with me to help me stay relaxed. The cotton balls have an aromatherapy oil called Panic Button on them. The oil is a combination of lavendar and neroli (citrus) and smells amazing! I brought it with me to every single one of my IVF procedures. The nurses always comment on how much they love the smell and actually ask me if I'll be bringing it. The worry stone was a gift from my wonderful friend, D, who gave it to me right before FET#2 along with another stone that says "Inspiration". Both stones were given in Myles's memory to bring me hope and inspiration as we try for another baby.

I told Dr. S about my dislike of their policy of not sharing a fert report with their patients and more or less begged him to have the embryologist call me with a fert report. I explained that as a queen worry wart I will spend the week assuming that all eggs were either immature or didn't fertilize and that we'd have nothing to transfer next week. Dr. S agreed to have the embryologist call me tomorrow, but he said that she would only give me general information and not specific numbers. However, I plan to do my best to get her to give me more specific information.

A few weeks ago K asked if Dr. S would be willing to tranfer 3 embryos rather than 2, so I dicussed this idea with him after the ER. I assumed he'd say abolutely not, but much to my surprise he seemed receptive to the possibility. We discussed the risk of triplets, which is a risk we're willing to assume, and we talked about how we'd let the quality of embryos determine whether we transfer 2 or 3. Dr. S indicated that he'd be uncomfortable transferring 3 Grade A embryos, so we'll wait for the embryos to help us decide on the day of the ET.

Finally, I decided to find out if 13 is my lucky number and although it wasn't (it was 97) I discovered that June 18, 2009 is a my lucky date! This date is the potential date for our day 5 transfer, so I'm taking that as a good sign.

Trigger tonight & ER on Saturday

I went into my reproductive clinic this morning yet again for a follicle scan. I have 7 measurable follicles on my right ovary and 10 on my left (+ several smaller). The biggest follicle was 19mm, so it seems as though I'm ready to trigger tonight at 11pm. My egg retrieval is set for 11am on Saturday and the ET to K's wonderful uterus will be either Tuesday or Thursday. I am hoping for a blast transfer because I'm a huge proponent of blast transfers, but know that day 3 transfers can bring good things too (just ask my dear friend, Kris!).

I noticed on my scheduling sheet the NP wrote "13" in the line for follicle count. I guess of few that she measured must not be contenders for the ER and I have to say that I felt quite defeated when I read that number. My RE was so confident that I'd have a similar response, so I expected my follicle count to be more like 20. The NP assured me that this cycle was just as good if not better than my first. She said that my E2 is much more "normal" this cycle, but I didn't even ask the number because it's just one more thing for me to stress about. Last cycle the it didn't even get to 300 and we had 16 mature eggs. The NP went on to say that they were tweeking my protocol in hopes of further improving egg quality and weren't really worried about quantity. I know that quality is more important than quantity, but I still worry. Despite my worries I am very hopeful that we will have a retrieve several good eggs and will end up with a handful of exceptional embryos!

No trigger tonight

Today's follicle scan (day 12 of stims) showed that my follicles are still growing, but that they aren't quite ready yet. So, it looks like I'll continue stimming tonight and will likely trigger tomorrow night for a Saturday ER. I had around 16-17 measurable follicles (+ several smaller) on the scan today and I have to admit that I'm disappointed. Last cycle I had around 21 measurable follicles by cd 12 and at ER the RE aspirated 25 follicles, but 6 were empty. I'm worried that if I have six empty follicles again that doesn't leave me many eggs to work with and I have to expect that a few will be immature and/or won't fertilize (we're doing ICSI). Oh and a handful of embryos will die while they are growing them in the lab. I'm not new to the IVF game and I understand that there's attrition at each step of the process, so this has me freaking out that I won't have many embryos this time. I wonder if I'll have 2 to transfer and I wonder if I'll be fortunate to have any to freeze this time?! Last time we froze 8 blasts. As a normally logical person I understand that my fears seem illogical, but I can't help myelf. I am a worrier--actually the queen worry wart to be precise. I feel incredibly guilty for complaining about this because I know that it could be much worse and that many girls in the blogosphere would kill to have this many follicles growing. I don't want to seem ungrateful because I'm not. I know I'm fortunate to be a good responder, to make high-quality embryos and to have such a wonderful teammate in K. But the fact of the matter is that I can't stop worrying and stressing.

My other stress is how disruptive this cycle is to K and her family. K took off work anticipating a transfer around on 6/13 or 6/15. Now because my body, well specifically my reproductive organs, just does what it wants the transfer will either be 6/16 or 6/18 depending on embryo growth and development. We anticipate a blast transfer, but you never know. Of course K is wonderful and tells me not to worry, but I feel terrible. Uggh! I just hope it's all worth it in the end.

Still stimming

K and I went to the clinic together today for my follicle tracking scan and her lining check. It was fun to make the trip with K because she's great company! Plus, we got to enjoy some bagels together after the appointment and we did a little shopping, which is a favorite hobby of both of us. I had my scan first and as the nurse had predicted I had several new follicles that had popped up and all are growing, slowly but steadily. The follicles are nicely clustered and I don't have any lead follicles. I have to go back on Wednesday, but according to the NP she thinks ER will be on Friday. This will be cd 15, which is the exact same day we retrieved during IVF #1, so it seems that I'm having a very similar response. I'm jut hoping that we retrieve as many eggs this time. K's lining looks great! She's already at 8.2mm and will likely be around 10mm by the time of ET. It looks like this cycle is shaping up to be a great cycle!

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Asha Update: On Saturday we removed Asha's IV line because the vein blew, which seemed to rejuvinate her. She's been playful, lovey, and she's been eating well (tuna and shredded chicken are her faves). We're doing 200cc of sub-q fluids daily and continuing to love every minute we have with our little Miss Asha!