Reflections on Alaska

Although I am happy to be home with J and my cuddly cats, Asha and Elvis, I must admit that it was hard to leave such a breathtaking state. I said it so many times on my vacation, but I'll say it again ... it's impossible to truly capture the beauty of Alaska. I took many pictures, but don't feel that they show the awe-inspiring landscape that laid before my eyes. This is why I will recommend that everyone visit Alaska in their lifetime (sooner rather than later to see the fast disappearing glaciers).

Overall it was a fabulous trip--we were able to pack in so many activities in such a short time!

Day 1 (only a half-day): Introduction to the Great Land--ride on scenic Seward Hwy & visit to Alaska Wildlife Conservation Center

Day 2: Sea kayaking in Resurrection Bay and Caine's Head State Park hike; in the evening we walked up the handi-cap accessible trail up to the base of Exit Glacier.

Day 3: Volunteer work for the National Park Service--pulled invasive exotic plants from Kenai Fjords National Park; learned about the history of Seward; visited Alaska Sea Life Center

Day 4: Learned about the native Kenaitze (Denina) tribe, participated in various cultural activities (song and dance), "hunted" for agates on the shore, visited Cooper's Landing and explored the K'Beq archaeological site, took a walking tour through Kenai and learned about the history, watched locals dip net fishing on the shores of the Kenai River, and ended the day by enjoying a salmon feast prepared by Kenaitze tribe members. On our way home we saw a moose cow and twin calfs.

Day 5: Boat tour of Kenai Fjords National Park and the Chiswell Islands National Wildlife Refuge, covering 120-miles. Due to bad weather (13-14ft swells) we were unable to travel out into the Kenai Fjords Tidewater Glacier area to look for whales and observe calving of glaciers (process where a glacier shed giant blocks of ancient ice into the water). However, we were able to spend several hours in Resurrection Bay observing wildlife (see below). In the evening we drove to the Kenai River and saw 5 Grizzly bears (female with 2 cubs and 2 other adult bears). In the evening we hiked Mt. Marathon, which we could see from our windows at the Moby Dick hostel.

Day 6: Exploration of Exit Glacier - a vigorous hike up the mountain passing alder and conttonwood forests and beautiful mountain meadows. (see below)

Day 7: Departure Day - on our way to the airport we saw a giant bull moose on the exit ramp! He was walking very slowly without a care in the world.


The 7 students and the mom who accompanied me were so great! They were fun, hard-working, upbeat, positive, and grateful! They enjoyed and made the best of every adventure we had. The weather on the day of our boat tour was a bit rough--cold with heavy drizzling rain and 4-5 ft swells in Resurrection Bay, yet the students managed to find a list of positives in this experience (and really every adventure we had). All of the students huddled at the bow of the boat, held on, and road the waves like a roller coaster. I joined them and have to say that it was quite a thrill ride! We were getting blasted by cold water, but laughed and enjoyed the exhilerating ride! We were happy and thrilled to see plenty of wildlife on the boat tour: Dahl's porpoises, harbor seals, stellar sea lions, many sea otters, tons of birds including tufted and horned puffins, common murres, red and black-legged kittiwakes, marbled murrelets, double-crested cormorants, pigeon guillemots, black oystercatchers, bald eagles, and a variety of gull species.

On our last day of the trip we trekked 1.5hrs up the mountain to Exit Glacier. Although we only hiked up 2.25 miles (1225 feet in elevation), it was steep, rocky, and had numorous switchbacks. We saw marmots, black bears, and many songbirds on the trek up. It was a very physically-exhausting hike and at times I really had to mentally push myself through it, but when we got to our destination I felt quite triumphant. Unlike most tourists we were fortunate to be able to treak onto the glacier (yep we walked up, down, and across the glacier). When we reached the ice, we donned crampons, ice axes, and helmets. This gear let us navigate the icy undulating terrain of Exit Glacier and confidently approach the crevasses, waterfalls, Moulin, and ice-caves. I was a bit nervous about this activity, but once I stepped on the glacial ice for the first time I felt a rush of adrenaline. This is actually laughable because I am the exact opposite of those "adrenaline junkies" who sky-dive and bungee jump, but the glacial hike gave me a taste of the "drug" they seek and I now understand their addiction!

Normally when I return from a vacation I feel somewhat depressed. You spend weeks anticipating the trip and then you go on the adventure, which is great, but you return to not having that excitement and anticipation. However, this trip is different. I have something amazing and even more exiting to look forward ... tomorrow is our 2nd ultrasound! The appointment is in the afternoon, but I will be sure to update my blog early tomorrow night. Both J and I will be accompanying K to the appointment and we're all hoping to see two growing little beans with strong beating hearts! Keep your fingers crossed for us!

Alaska

Alaska has to be one of the most beautiful places on the planet--truly the last great wilderness! Today we kayaked 10 miles out in Resurrection Bay towards the Gulf of Alaska (Pacific Ocean). It was overcast and cool, which was perfect for kayaking. While kayaking we saw a multitude of wildlife: bald eagles, sea otters, harbor seals, harbor porpoise, marbled murrelets, double-crested cormorants, black oystercatchers, ravens, silver salmon, and a variety of gull species.

We enjoyed a shore lunch of at Caine's Head and then hiked up into the temperate rainforest to Fort McGilvery. Tomorrow we are doing conservation work with US Forest Service in an effort to help eradicate exotic species. We're also visiting the Alaska Sealife Center.

Silence, Alaska, and K's symptoms

I find myself without words to express my swirling thoughts right now, hence the silence. I'm trying to be patient as we wait for the u/s, which is now less than a week away, by distracting myself with preparations for my Alaska trip. I'm taking 7 high school students to the Kenai peninsula of Alaska for a week long Eco-edventure. We are going to explore temperate rainforest, trek on massive glaciers, sea kayak with marine mammals and birds, cruise the waters on a 26-foot boot in search of orcas and humpback whales, meet native Alaskans, and participate in community conservation projects in conjunction with the US Forest Service. We're not camping, but we're not staying at a luxury resort either. We're staying in a hostel called Moby Dick in Seward. I'm looking forward to the splendor and beauty of Alaska!

Many people have asked me how K is doing and I'm guessing the rest of you are wondering too, so I thought I'd give you an update. Overall K feels good. She's had cramping typical of early pregnancy and has been been feeling extremely exhausted. K says here ( . )( . ) are huge and sore. She's also starting to feel hungry all the time.

I'd be lying to you if I didn't say I'm a little anxious about Tuesday's u/s. Tonight at dinner I told J that I'm worried that we won't see a heartbeat or that there won't be a baby or that ... (insert any fear you can think of). J reminded me that worrying is normal and that there's really nothing any of us can do at this point. Everything is out of our control and we can't change the outcome, but we can control and/or change our attitude and outlook. So, I continue to work hard to maintain a hopeful, positive attitude despite my fears. I can honestly say that overall I do have a "good feeling" and am optimistic that we will get good news on Tuesday.

Mexico--Our Escape From Reality

Hola from Mexico!

I finally convinced J that we should spend the $60/wk to have wireless internet, so I thought I'd post a quick blog update while J is still sleeping (we had a late night in the club last night). Our travels here were smooth and uneventful and the resort it absolutely beautiful, but I have to admit I was disappointed to see kids here. I just really needed to get away from kids/babies right now. This isn't a very "kid-friendly" resort and we are surprised that people would bring their kids here, but we try to ignore them as best as we can. We are enjoying the warmth of the Mexico sun and the chill of the cold drinks. The ocean is a bit too cold for us (you'd think Wisconsinites could handle the cold?!), so we sit around the pool most of the day, which is okay anyway because it's closer to the bars! :)

I have to admit that being here is like an escape from my reality, but I'm worried when I get home my reality is going to come crashing down on me in a huge way. :( We will be meeting with my RE to discuss the plan of action for IVF #2. I'm hoping that I have a similar response (19 eggs retrieved, 16 mature, 8 blasts), but am worried of course that being two years older might hurt me. I do plan to discuss PGD with my RE. I know that PGD is not as good as CGH, but I don't have that option with my clinic (and we're not ready to go to CCRM yet). PGD has it's limitations, but it also has it's value. I think it might be helpful for us. I would like to know that I'm transferring chromosomally normal embryos to my carrier, so I can significantly reduce (or hopefully eliminate) the chance of another miscarriage. It pains me that I've introduced K to this sad world of loss and that the reason she is experiencing this physical and emotional pain is because she wanted to help us. The injustice of that is killing me! Someone who gives so selflessly should NOT have to suffer in any way! So, if PGD helps us to insure that more pain won't befall our wonderful, amazing, selfless, giving carrier, then we will do it!

Okay, back to my escapre from reality ... here's a couple of pics of us in Mexico:

BTW ... Today is K's birthday, so please wish her a very, very happy birthday! She so deserves to be treated like a queen today and every day! :)

Mourning in Mexico with Margaritas

Per K's request we are going to go to Mexican as planned. We fly out early tomorrow morning. We are hoping that the sun and tons of tequila will be good for us as we work through the emotions of this loss. I am worried about K, but I know that she has an amazing support system in her husband, children, friends and family. I know she's strong and I know she will be fine, yet I still worry. I assume that a little break from us may be helpful for K. She may need some time alone to work through the emotions of the loss. I know it's a different set of emotions to deal with than mine, but I'm sure it is just as challenging (if not more). K so wanted this dream to come true for us and now she has to deal with the utter disappointment and the physical pain. I just wish her peace and healing in the process.

BTW ... for those of you who have been wondering I did do the Brazilian wax. My appointment was Wednesday night and I figured that with the emotional pain I was going through any physical pain would seem insignificant. I have to say it really wasn't that bad and I'd definitely do it again.

I'm off to soak up some sun, regroup, and drink muchos margaritas! I'll try to do at least one quick post from Mexico, but promised J that I wouldn't be blogging during our vacation.

Mexico & Brazilian Wax

**WARNING ... this post may contain TMI for those of you who know me IRL, so beware!**

In less than one month J and I will be sunning ourselves in Cabo San Lucas. We very much deserve this vacation as we haven't been on one since right before we began our TTC journey. I am currently tanning, which I absolutely hate, but have to because of my fair skin. While getting my hair highlighted and cut tonight I talked to my stylist about bikini waxing. I have always wanted to have a Brazilian wax and figured this is just the time to try it, so I made an appointment for a Brazilian wax in a few weeks. I'm not at all nervous about exposing my girly parts because after almost 5 years of IF it seems as though everyone's been down there! However, I'm mildly nervous about the potential pain. My stylist claims it doesn't hurt, but I can't imagine that it won't. So, have any of you had a Brazilian wax and if so how was it? Please be brutally honest ... I need to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly.

(Edited to remove potentially offensive words b/c J thought I was sharing way TMI. I figure that this is my space and I shouldn't have to censor it, but I did. I'm a biologist and don't mind using certain words that apparently might make others uncomfortable, especially some of my relatives who may read my blog.)