Birth Certificates

After 8.5 months we finally received the boys' birth certificates that list me as the mother and J as the father. We had hoped for a pre-birth order (PBO), but the judge wanted DNA testing after the boys' arrival. We did that and jumped through the other hoops to finally have the official documents in our possession. I knew all along the boys were ours and that K wouldn't be contesting that, but it's still nice to have the official documents. It feels like the final step in the surrogacy journey. I feel so fortunate to have had such a great experience with surrogacy and hope that others who take this path to their children find similar success. Life is good!

Long-awaited Homecoming

On Friday we brought the boys home! It was a very emotional day for me. I cried tears of joy and cried tears of fear. I couldn't wait to bring the boys home, but was scared to death to findally do so. I think up until the point of putting them in our car it still seemed surreal that they were ours. It was as if we were going through the motions and falling more and more in love with these two little cuties, but I felt as though I was waiting for someone to pull the rug out from under us. The moment the nurse helped us load the boys into the SUV and we drove away from the hospital it became real and that's when the tears really started to flow. Crossing the threshhold of our door also hit me hard--this was the thing that we never got to do with Myles. I flashed back to, February 16, 2008, the day when we walked through the doorway to our house without Myles. It was finally happening for us we were finally bringing our children into our house. Liam and Silas are alive and well and they are our children. After a five year journey filled with heartache and devastation we have arrived at our much anticipated, longed awaited destination--we are finally parents to not just one living child but two living children! Our dream has finally come true and we have K (and big brother Myles) to thank for this most amazing gift!








We are settling into a routine and things are going well. At night J does the 10pm to 2am shift and I do the 2am to 8am shift. After 8am we tag team the responsibilities, which we continue throughout the day, but after J goes back to work in 2.5 weeks I'll be on my own for the daytime care (well with the help of my mom, neighbors, and friends). I'm quite amazed at how quickly the days goes by. I can't really even tell you what we do all day other than feed babies, change diapers, clean bottles, laugh at the funny faces the boys make, cuddle them, and admire the boys while they sleep. We are so in love and are already enjoying our new lives!

Hello everyone, it is me "K"

COULD THOSE TWO BOYS BE ANY MORE DARLING?

I am of course a biased aunt, but I find them to be handsome and perfect in every way! You should see mom and dad dote over them, Niki and J are over the moon in love with these two precious little souls, and I for one could not be more excited for the four of them! They have been so fortunate to have Myles watching over them through the last week, these boys are making all forward progress on their eating, and I think they have a special big brother to thank for that. What a perfect family!

I am one week post c-section and finding that five years makes a bit of a difference on my body, I previously was recovered when I got home, but this time I'm having just a few more aches and pains, nothing to complain too much about, I just have to keep telling myself, OLDER = SLOWER... Thankfully, my staples were removed last Thursday and now I just have steri-strips which are much more comfortable. My boys are happy to have me home, but are far more excited for their next visit with Liam and Silas. :-) Oh and I have to tell you, when the boys met Liam and Silas last Sunday, it was priceless to see Liam turn his head a bit and open one eye as he clearly recognized Kolbe's (the loudest voice in our family at the age of 5) voice. Too funny.

Liam and Silas are stars around here. We have been on the news and in our local newspaper, both such beautifully written stories. It was nice to show people that surrogacy stories do have happy endings. So many people, even strangers, wrote to say "you just gave me goosebumps, its rewarding to know that there are still good people left on Earth" I found those words touching! I don't often think of my role in this journey, but rather focused on the end result, getting Niki and J healthy baby(s). So people's kind words post delivery have helped me realize the gift given. A gift I wouldn't change for ANYTHING!

I just wanted to stop by and say thank you to all of you for your support of Niki, J and I through this journey and Niki and J's journey with Myles. I never knew a cyber world like this existed, and have found such peace here! Love and well wishes to you all!

"Twice the Gift"

The local TV news featured a story on our surrogacy journey. It was the headline story tonight called Twice the Gift. I think they did a nice job for a short news piece. It's so cute that at only 5 days our boys are already celebrities! :)

Update

Sorry for not posting an update sooner. As you can imagine I'm pretty wiped, but most definitely not complaining! I'm madly in love with these two little peanuts and won't let sleep deprivation keep me from enjoying my dreams come true!

Both Liam and Silas are still in the Special Care Nursery. They are making great progress, but can't go home until they get better at feeding and gain some more weight. Both boys lost weight, which is expected, but haven't quite mastered the suck, swallow, breath stuff without tiring easily. Monday the pediatrician wanted to incorporate bottle feeding into our routine, so I was nursing, bottle feeding, and pumping every three hours. This meant that I'd get 1-1.5 hours of sleep at a time for about a total of 4 hours a night (the hospital gave me a room to stay here with the boys). Today we started using a supplemental nursing system, which seemed to be a better alternative for the boys, because they only had to "work" once instead of twice to get their food. Also, the boys have been given NG tube feedings to help them grow while they're improving their feeding skills. So far the boys have only been given my breast milk (and K's colostrum), but I presume my frozen supply will run out soon. At that point they'll be given formula along with the breast milk that they get while nursing and from the little I pump. I have to admit that I'm unsure how I'll be able to maintain this routine when I'm home, but I'm happy that I'm doing what I can now.

Liam's and Silas' personalities are already showing. Silas is my "wild child"--he likes to move about more and really gets demanding when he wants to feed. Liam is a little more laid back and patient. Liam is a great nurser and immediately takes to the breast, but Silas is a little more pokey. He prefers to let his brother get the milk to let down before he begins his feedings. Although both boys like to cuddle with mamma, Liam is my little snuggle bunny. He just loves to cuddle skin to skin with me after he feeds.

J is such a great daddy! He's very confident in his abilities to change diapers, give baths, and handle the boys. It melts my heart to see him loving his boys! Today J went to work, which just so happens to be at the same hospital where the boys are staying, and came to visit them several times. After work he was telling them how much he missed them and gave them kisses. It was so cute!

The Grandmas and Grandpas came to visit again today and finally got to hold the boys. I think it made their day!

I've been reading books to the boys. I started with big brother Myles' favorite book I Love You Stinky Face. I talk to them all the time and feel fairly confident that they can now recognize my voice. When I talk to them they turn their eyes to me, which warms my heart! I look at them and sometimes can't believe that they are mine. I am so very, very blessed!

K is doing quite well too! She's coming to visit the boys tomorrow and I know they are excited to see her! I know I am! K said she'd post an update, so I'll let her fill you in on how she's doing.

Our local newspaper wants to do a feature story on us, which is pretty cool, so tomorrow the photographer is coming to take some photos of us and on Friday the reporter is coming to interview us. When the article runs I'll make sure to put a link on the blog. I'm delighted that a heart-warming, beautiful story of surrogacy is going to be shared with the world. I think our story is one of inspiration and hope, so I hope others enjoy reading about it.

Off to feed my boys ...

Happy Birthday Silas & Liam

Liam Douglas and Silas Robert entered the world today at 1:21 and 1:23pm, respectively. Silas measured 5lbs 5oz, 18.5 in and Liam measured 5lbs 6oz, 18 in. Both boys are in the special care nursery, but are doing well on room air.




K is recovering well from the c-section. She was already up and walking around by 4:30pm and met the boys for the first time around 5pm. K really is a true ROCK STAR!! J and I are so in love and can't even begin to thank K enough for these two precious gifts. We are so very blessed!

An overnight stay at Labor & Delivery

We thought we were going to meet our boys last night, but they weren’t quite ready for the world just yet! On Saturday K lost her mucus plug, which can be a sign of labor. Yesterday she began having contractions throughout the day while at work and wiped a little blood, so she called the clinic and they had her come in. The ob checked and she was 3 cm dilated (unsure about effacement because her cervix was high), so he sent her over to Labor & Delivery for monitoring. K had contractions throughout the night that ranged from 3-10 minutes apart and would go up and down in frequency. The boys were highly active (“wild” in K’s words) and had great accelerations and heart rates on the monitors.

K stayed at the hospital overnight for monitoring, so they could evaluate her contractions and recheck her cervix this morning. Her cervix was dilated to just under 4 cm this morning, but the contractions overnight were mild. Therefore, the ob took her off work and sent her home on modified “bed rest”--she has shower and bathroom privileges and is allowed to attend her son's P-T conference this week. K didn't get much sleep last night, so she was going to nap this afternoon. Her contractions are irregular, but she's still having the "vagina ache" as she likes to call it. The ob said he’d like to see her get to February 1. Now we just wait and see what happens!

I am in a weird place of high anxiety and confusion. I'd love for the boys to bake a little longer, but I'm also anxious for their arrival. The not knowing when they'll come is extremely hard for me as a Type A planner. You would think that infertility prepared me to be patient, but I guess I've forgotten that lesson! Also, I worry that we've come so far to let some freak event like a cord accident or placental abruption to take one of our babies. This is why I'd rather have them here with us. I know that they would be born premature and I'm not wishing for preemies, but I also know that over 5lb, 34 weekers will do well in the NICU. After having had a micro-preemie under a pound these boys are going to seem giant! At this point they'd be among the feeders and the growers in the NICU. I feel that if they were here in the world we could control more than we can with them inside the uterus. Please don't lecture me ... I know the boys are best in the uterus, but I also know how in the blink of an eye tragedy can strike in utero.

Okay, as I tell my students when they are anxious or rowdy and need to calm down ... breathe in deep and slowwwwly release!

33 weeks

The 33 week appointment was eventful, but it went well. K is doing great--bp is still perfect! Both boys had strong heart rates and are growing right on track--Liam's weight was estimated at 4lbs 14oz and Silas' weight was estimated at 4lbs 12oz. I'm thrilled that the boys are nearly 5lbs each!



K had a biophysical profile (BPP) just like last time. Liam easily passed the BPP scoring 8/8. Silas on the other had refused to cooperate. He was very active during the scan, but didn't do enough practice breathing. The u/s tech had K roll on her side to try to get him to cooperate, but he just didn't feel like showing us his breathing. Silas would practice breathe for a few seconds, but not for the minimum 20 seconds at a time that is required during the scan. Therefore, he earned a 6/8. I was a little stressed and worried about Silas not passing the test, but K's ob and the u/s tech didn't seem too worried. They tried to reassure me that all was likely okay.




Because Silas didn't pass the BPP K had to have a non-stress test (NST). During the NST both Silas and Liam were monitored in addition to K's contractions. In order to pass the NST the babies need to have at least 2 accelerations of heart rates during a 20 minute time period. The nurse gave K some apple juice to give the babies a sugar boost to get them going. Liam who's normally the calm baby was bouncing all over and had his 2 accelerations almost immediately, but the little stinker, Silas, decided to take a nap. Finally towards the end of the time period Silas had a couple of small accelerations, which were enough for the ob to call it good, and let K go home. As soon as K got home Silas "went into overdrive" with his activity. I guess we have one little boy who's already strong-willed and does his own thing.

K's having mestrual-like cramps

Since yesterday K has been having menstrual-like cramps. They aren't contractions (although she's had B-H contractions on and off for weeks), but rather feel like period cramps. She called the on-call ob who told her that the cramping could continue and then quit (irritable uterus) or it could lead to contractions (pre-term labor). He told her to take it easy and call if anything changes. It's not surprising that K's uterus is irritable from Liam kicking down on her cervix and all the pressure from two babies, but it has me worried. K has been relaxing with her feet up, which is tough for her as she's always on the go, and has been hydrating well. I'm guessing that her ob will want to see her before our scheduled appointment on Friday and will check her cervix to make sure she isn't dilating. I'll feel better when we hear back from our ob because I trust his judgement better than that of the on-call ob. Please keep K and the babies in your thoughts and prayers. We'd love for them to keep baking for at least 12 more days--34 weeks is the initial goal!

Feeling Discouraged Already

For those of you who don't know I'm using Dr. Newman's Regular Protocol for inducing lactation. I started the protocol around 10-11 weeks gestation and just last Tuesday (12/29) stopped the hormones and began pumping with the Medela Symphony. I pump every 2-3 hours for 15 minutes (plan to start pumping for 20 min) and take domper.idone 30mg 3x/day. On my first pump I had droplets of milk on my nipples, which continued throughout day 1, and on day 2 I had droplets that dripped into the bottles (probably about 1-2mL total). I've seen a similar pattern for the last few days--I get droplets that drip into the bottle, but don't amount to much more than a 1-2mL. I certainly don't see any spraying of breast milk and although my breasts are larger I don't think they swell with milk. I don't know what to expect as I don't know anyone else who's done this and I'm already feeling discouraged and down.

I am worried that my hormonal imbalance caused by PCOS is going to prevent me from getting a good milk supply. I was able to pump for Myles, but never produced very much. I took out my pumping book and discovered that I was pumping about an 1-2 oz per pumping session for an average daily pumping total of 14 oz per day. I know this is a low supply and I think this fact coupled with my response from the first few days of pumping is making me think that I'm not going to produce much again. It makes me think that I'm just wasting my time in addition to the money I'm spending on renting the pump, buying the domperi.done and herbal supplements.

I just started drinking Mother's Milk tea 3x/day and tomorrow will begin using More Milk Special Blend at 1/4 tsp 4x/day.

I was in tears tonight thinking that I won't be able to do this for my boys. I couldn't bring them into the world, but was hoping that my body would do something for them. I feel bad for whining when I'm so fortunate to be expecting two babies. This is the first time during the entire pregnancy when I've felt bad for not being able to physically do anything for them. Maybe the hormone drop from stopping the birth control pills and the rise in my prolactin levels is making me emotional, but whatever it is it stinks! I honestly feel a little bit like a failure--I feel like I'm failing my boys already and they aren't even here yet.

31 Weeks

K is still doing amazingly well! Today at 31wks she's measuring 43wks. Her blood pressure is great and swelling minimal. Both boys had heart rates in the 140s and appear to be growing based on K's ever expanding belly. We didn't have an ultrasound today, so we'll have to wait until 1/15 to see them.

K has been having contractions periodically, but mainly seem to come after she's been standing all day at work. Even these are few and far between and don't seem to be anything to worry about. Yesterday was the first day that K was a little worried about contractions. Liam is still breech and kicks down on her cervix hard. While kicking down yesterday he was causing some painful contractions that spread upwards from the cervix. Fortunately Liam settled down and so did the contractions. The ob said that this often happens when the uterus becomes irritable from the direct kicks to the cervix and didn't seem slightly phased by this news. He did mention that he can probably schedule the c-section for 38wks, which would be 2/19, but doesn't seem too optimistic that she'll get to that point because according to the ob over half of of twins are born by 37wks.

The ob does feel quite confident that the boys won't come before 34wks, which is encouraging to us! If they do come before 34wks, K will be transferred to a different hospital with a Level III NICU. I asked to have her transferred to a different hospital than the one where I delivered Myles--too many memories. I think the NICU care Myles received was wonderful, but I just don't want to go back to that place. The ob and K understood and were fine with that. We're feeling confident that this won't even be an issue because these boys are going to bake for at least 3 more weeks! Keep your fingers crossed for us! It seems surreal for me to think that in a month I could have two babies! WOW, WOW, WOW!! It makes me teary to even think about. K you are AMAZING and my angel on Earth!

Happy New Year's Eve! I can't wait for 2010 ... it's going to be an AMAZING year!

The Nursery

Lactation Induction: Pumping Day 1

Yesterday I picked up the Med.ela Symphony pump I'm renting from one of the local hospitals. The lactation consultant who helped me was fabulous! She was thrilled to hear that I was able to get Domperi.done and that I'm using it to induce lactation. Apparently it's difficult to get a prescription for the meds from local docs, so she said to consider myself lucky. We discussed my previous experience pumping and she mentioned that new research suggests that PCOS causes low milk supply, which they think has something to do with failure to develop mammary tissue early on in development, but the supply troubles can range from mild to severe. The lactation consultant palpated my breasts to feel for mammary tissue and she indicated that I have a "good amount", so she doesn't think that should be an issue. However, I didn't produce a ton of milk while I was pumping for Myles, but there were so many factors (prematurity, magnesium sulfate, preeclampsia) that could've affected my supply. I'm going into this realistically and am aware that I will likely have to supplement with formula, particularly because I'll be feeding two, but I'm going to do my best to produce what I can.

When I pumped for Myles I used the Med.ela Lactina and the standard in the NICU, but decided to rent the Symphony because it's extremely quiet and has a new two-phase expression (starts fast and then slows), which is supposed to simulate the natural sucking of a baby. Being that I hadn't used this pump the lactation consultant asked me if I wanted to try it in front of her, so I did. Within a couple of seconds I already had milk droplets pooling on my nipples. I can't tell you how excited I was to see that and the lactation consultant was just giddy!

Today I officially began the pumping phase of the lactation induction protocol. I pumped for 15 minutes and will do that every 3 hours. It went well and again I produced several droplets of milk from each breast. I didn't really have anything to collect, so I just rubbed the milk into my skin as suggested by the consultant. I've read that I should start to see the my milk supply come in and increase over the next few weeks. I'm hoping this is true because it's going to be tough pumping all the time if I'm not seeing any results. I will just have to remind myself that it will get better when the boys come and that I'm doing this for them!

Something Fun

I just bought a set of 12 of these stickers called Picky Sticky that you put on your baby's onsie each month to chronicle their growth through photos. My friend, J, recommended them, and I thought they were so adorable that I had to buy them! I think they will make for some cute scrapbook pages! I ordered a set for each of the boys (Watch me Grow - Mister Fister) and a girly set (Watch me Grow - Missy Fissy) for a friend who's expecting a little girl around the same time the boys are due (if you are reading this S.H. don't go buying yourself any because yours are on their way!).

Thinking ahead ...

On Friday night we picked up the 2nd crib and mattress in addition to the two extra car seat bases, so we officially have all the big stuff now. Although we probably won't use both cribs right away, we're going to put it up sometime this week. Once the 2nd crib is up I'll hang the names above the cribs along with the custom paintings that match the bedding. At that point the nursery will be completely done and I'll take some photos.

Tonight I made a list of things I still need to get to be ready for the arrival of these boys. I just need a few small things like cloth diapers to use as burp rags, two extra mattress pads, a couple of extra crib sheets, butt paste, baby laundry detergent, a big can of formula, and a stockpile of diapers (NB and Size 1) and unscented wipes. I also made an Ex.cel spreadsheet to use as a daily log for each baby's feeding and diapering. This chart includes columns for the following: date, time, nursing (right), nursing (left), breast milk (oz), formula (oz), pee, poop, and comments. Is there anything else I should add to it?

I haven't talked much about it here, but I am inducing lactation. I have been on the meds (birth control pills and Dom.peridone) since around 10-12wks gestation and I'll begin pumping next week. The meds have been quite easy to take and the only thing I've noticed is an increase in my breast size and occasional tenderness. According the protocol I should start pumping 6 weeks prior to the EDD, but they advise expectant twin moms to begin pumping at 30wks instead of 34wks in case the babies come early, so technically Friday is my pump start date. However, I decided not to begin this process while I'm at the in-laws for the holidays (that would be uncomfortable not to mention stressful) and will actually start on 12/28. Although I pumped with Myles, I'm a little nervous to start the pumping phase of the protocol. I guess it's because I don't know what to expect with inducing and I'm a little worried about how it will go while I'm working. I'm supposed to pump every 3 hours, but won't be able to do that in the morning at work. I teach 1st through 4th periods, so I'll pump at 7am and then at 11:30am (lunch). It's not ideal, but there's not much I can do about it. Carrying the rented hospital grade pump (Med.ella Symphony) back and forth to work isn't going to be much fun either. I have to keep reminding myself that this is the one thing that my body can do for my babies and the bonding while breast feeding will be wonderful, so all the hard work will be worth it!

Last week I made two appointments with local pediatricians to "interview" them. We have to choose a doctor for the boys and wanted to find the perfect fit, so we are doing 20 minute "meet and greet" appointments with each one. Both of these doctors come highly recommended by friends and family, so I'm sure one will be the person to oversee our babies' care.

On the legal front we're moving forward as well. Our attorney will be going to court soon to obtain our pre-birth order (legal document to get our names on the birth certificate as soon as the boys arrive). We were fortunate enough to get the judge who's familar with surrogacy and open-minded. Next week our attorney is meeting with the judge to make sure she has everything she needs in order before the appearance in court. We're excited to have this important issue squared away!

**K are you happy now? ;) K was tired of logging onto the blog and seeing her beautiful pregnant self, so she wanted me to post something. Of course I'll happily do anything for K, so I posted something!

28 wk Appointment

K is doing an amazing job all the while looking absolutely beautiful! K joked that I have to tell her that, but the ob agreed and said he doesn't have to say it. Everyone who sees K agrees that she wears pregnancy so well and even carrying twins she looks amazing! K's belly round and so big--she's measuring 40wks! Her blood pressure was great around 112/62 and her weight gain was right on track. K had the gestational diabetes test today and will find out the results in a couple of days. She now starts every other week appointments, but we won't have another scan until 32wks.

Both boys are doing great! They were practice breathing and both scored 8/8 on the biophysical profile (BPP). The boys are measuring on target for their gestational age! Liam (Baby A) is 2lb 7oz and is in the 39th percentile whereas Silas (Baby B) is 2lb 11oz and is in the 50th percentile. I was concerned that both aren't closer in weight and that Liam is no longer in the 50th percentile, but our ob reassured me that there is nothing to be concerned about. Once again he's very pleased with how everything is going with the boys and K.

Liam was cooperative right away and showed us his face in a 2D image, but when we wanted to get a 3D look at his face he wouldn't turn around (he's breech facing K's body).

Silas was extremely active during the scan and flipped from a transverse position to a head down position. Silas gave us a sneak peak look at his face in 3D, but kept his arm covering half of his face. I think he's absolutely adorable and so does K, but we are a bit partial! Silas' round nose is so cute! K says his lips are kissable and I couldn't agree more. I'd like to think Silas gets the lucious lips from his mommy!

Sensationalism of Surrogacy

The NY Times posted yet another disheartening article about surrogacy, Building a Baby, With Few Ground Rules. I absolutely despise how the media treats infertility and surrogacy. Both are typically presented in such an extremly biased, one-sided, negative light and it's utterly maddening to me. Some of the stereotypes that the media likes to perpetuate include the following ... Infertiles are horrible people who should "just adopt" or aren't supposed to have children (natural selection). Surrogates are horrible women who "steal" other people's babies. Surrogates carry other people's babies for the money. Intended moms are depicted as women who don't want to lose their girlish figure by having a baby and/or are too career driven to take time to carry their own baby(ies). Intended parents are highly educated affluent members of society while surrogates are impoverished and uneducated. This is just a few of the horrible things that the media likes to use to grab reader's attention and make a few bucks. I find all of these stereotypes to be disgusting and extremely disappointing. I challenge members of the media to do a better job. I challenge them to present the positive aspects of both infertility and surrogacy.

I have been involved in a battle with infertility for 5 years and during this time I've met some of the kindest, most compassionate women I know. These women are waging their own war with infertility and are also going to great lengths to share their lives with a child. Along the way these women have likely encountered harsh criticism for their efforts not only from the media, but sometimes from family and friends too. Early in my war I dealt with this more often, but with every battle my skin thickened and I managed to better deal with the criticism. I decided that most of the critism I had encountered came from people's ignorance about the emotional, social, and financial struggles of infertility, which is why I became so vocal with my own struggle. I felt that if I could educate people using my experience they would be less likely to criticize others going through infertility and more likely to lend support and encouragement. I just wish that the media would follow suit.

I wish that the media would present some of the positive stories that exist in the world of infertility and surrogacy. I wish they would see some of the faces of the 10% of US women who have difficulty getting and/or staying pregnant. There are about 6 million of us out here, so it's likely that most people know someone who's been waging their own war against infertility (often alone in secrecy). I challenge newspapers, magazines, and news programs to focus on the women behind those statistics and show the goodness in them.

I also challenge the media to present one of the beautiful, surrogacy journies that exist. There are plenty of them to choose from. I would even volunteer to share ours and K's story. Our story is one of love, compassion, generosity, and gratitude. We have a wonderful relationship that grows stronger with each day. The two little boys who are going to enter this world in February because of K have an amazing life story to tell and will be the luckiest boys on the planet. Without K our boys wouldn't have a future story to tell and we wouldn't be able to experience parenthood with a living child. Surrogates offer up themselves to help loving people become parents who otherwise couldn't. Many form life-long bonds with their intended parents and get to watch the babies they brought into this world grow up. Surrogacy creates families and to me there isn't anything more beautiful than that. This should be what the media shares with the world about surrogacy!

Feeling Anxious

Today I had a snow day and I spent the entire day writing my sub plans. I plan to take the rest of the school year off, so I had to do plans for almost an entire semester for two different courses. It's a ton of work to say the least, but its done now and I feel great about it! On another good note I found a great long-term sub, so I won't worry about my students for a second while I'm gone (not that I'll have time to).

Tonight I've started worrying about K having the babies early. I don't really have any reason to worry about this (no contractions, pain or anything), but I'm still worrying. I am hoping for at least 6 more weeks of baby baking!

All of a sudden I'm starting to feel very anxious about becoming a mommy to twins. I feel like there's so much I don't know about babies and I worry that I won't be a very good mommy to them. I worry that with two of them and only one of me things are going to be very tough. I worry that they'll both need me at the same time and I won't be able to do what I need to for them both at once. I asked one of my close friends how to hold two newborns at once and she said "I don't know. You'll have to tell me." This makes me nervous that none of my closest friends will be able to provide any advice because they haven't had twins. I love these boys so much already, so I'm not worried about not bonding or anything like that. I simply worry that I'll do something (or more likely many things) wrong that will somehow hurt them. I guess the logistics of two babies and my ignorance of babies/baby stuff are really causing me anxiety right now. I wonder if this is normal for expecting moms? I didn't get to this point in my pregnancy with Myles, so I didn't ever feel this way. And when he was born I had a whole different set of worries. Please tell me if you felt any of these things.

Baby Showered

This weekend was a weekend of baby showers. On Friday night my STELLA girls hosted a quaint shower for me that was tons of fun! The monkey theme started with the adorable invitation continued to diapering the stuffed monkey and ended with yummy banana splits for dessert. I had a fantastic time and think everyone else did as well! We had many laughs, ate great food, and thoroughly enjoyed each other's company. The only thing missing from this STELLA event was the scrapbooking! Thanks D, A, B, J, and M--you girls rock!





Today I had another baby shower. This one was hosted by my two long-time friends, J and L. L and I have been friends since we were in kindergarten and we've both been friends with J since 6th grade. I love J and L dearly and can't thank them enough for working so hard (with my Mom's help) to make the day very special. I was so pleased that a couple of my friends from out of town were able to make it today (so good to see you M and S) and although two of my close out of state friends couldn't make they sent gifts to let me know that they were there in spirit (thanks B & Dr. E). Today's baby shower was the biggest one I've had, yet it was still personal and tons of fun.







I really am one lucky girl! The boys'nursery is overflowing with baby gear, their closet is full of adorable clothes, and I couldn't be happier. I am so thankful for K, her amazing gift, and for all of my wonderful friends and family! Thank you to everyone for sharing in our excitement! We are truly blessed!

Today's Nursery Project: Crib #1

Tonight J and I assembled the above crib--we made a good team and had it together in about an hour. This crib is a baby shower gift from my two best friends, L and J(the mattress is a baby shower gift from their moms). J and L are hosting the "big" baby shower (#5) this coming Sunday at my parent's house. They figured it was easier to deliver the crib to our house rather than taking it to my parent's for me to bring back to my house with all of the other gifts I'll have. I am so lucky to have such wonderful friends and can't thank them enough for such a generous gift! L and J you both know I love you dearly!

I was excited all day to put the crib together and couldn't stop staring at it when it was done. I immediately put the bedding on the crib to get the full effect. Unfortunately, my matching mobile doesn't fit on the crib, so I won't be able to use it. The crib is beautiful and very sturdy. After the showers this weekend we will order the other crib even though we could probably get along with just one for awhile. I like to have everything in order, so I want to get ther other one now too. The boys are really going to love them!