Happy 2nd Birthday Myles!

The five star ice lanterns signify the five members of our family. Myles' star is the clear one in the middle flanked by a star for Liam and Silas. The outermost ice lanterns represent Josh and me.


J's brother showed up to take some photos and sing happy birthday with us. He was kind enough to take this photo of us at Myles' grave.

I can't put into words how I'm feeling today. I feel grateful for having given birth to such an amazing little boy, yet I'm sad that Myles isn't here to help us welcome his little brothers in a few weeks. I must admit that this year I'm in a better position to celebrate Myles' life. I've cried less this year than I did last year, but that's not really saying much. I feel like each year I heal a little more, yet I'm certain I'll never stop grieving for my "Smyles". I miss him dearly and spent much of my day wondering what he'd be like today. I like to think Myles would be funny and a bit mischievious like his daddy and that he'd have a heart-melting smile with big, blue eyes like mine.

Myles

by "Auntie" D.P.
(one of my bff's)

I was thinking of you today
And wishing you were here
Your Mommy and Daddy miss you so
And wish they could hold you near
I’ll never know why some things
Happen as they do
But I am so very glad
That I was able to meet you
I remember seeing your first picture
It was in black and white
The dream your parents hoped for
It was such a precious sight
Your Mommy and I talked for hours
About her hopes and dreams for you
She loved you before she met you
She would do anything for you
Your Dad was excited about the news
That a little one was on the way!
At one point he claimed he would change no diapers
“HA!” Was what your Mom had to say!
You were born so very early
And had so many odds to overcome
And Mom and Dad stayed by your side
To help you fight everyone
I remember when we first met you
I held your hand and said “Hello”
“It’s us, your Auntie and Uncle, Myles”
“And we both love you so”
We didn’t share any words
Though you spoke right to my heart
You were such an amazing little boy
And you were a fighter right from the start.
Your life on earth wasn’t long enough
An irreplaceable 26 days
You filled the hearts of your family with love
And changed us in so many ways.
I hope you like the balloons I send
Over the rainbow and headed your way
I send them on special occasions
And even for an “I miss Myles” day
I look forward to talking with your siblings
And telling them all about their brother Myles
But your Daddy will really say it best when he tells them
Myles was full of smiles
Thank you little buddy
For bringing us all such joy
You will never be forgotten Myles
You precious little boy.

Memorial Day

I know that Memorial Day is the official day that we celebrate and remember all the brave men and women who died serving our country, but for most it's also become a day when we remember and celebrate our loved ones who we've lost. The cemetaries are filled with beautiful, vibrant colored flowers (both fresh and fake) and the traffic in and out of the cemetary is constant. I go to the cemetary to visit Myles's grave almost daily and I usually sit at his grave with the peace and comfort of singing birds and wind chimes playing a tune in the blowing breeze. I occassionally see a visitor or two to a nearby grave, but for the most party I'm alone while I sit and remember. Today I am surrounded by people passing through the cemetary to pay tribute to their long lost relatives. I have to admit that I find myself slightly annoyed as I watch the constant flow of vehicles stream in and out. I'm irked because I wonder why people rely on a national holiday to remember their loved ones, but then I have to remind myself that people grieve and remember differently. Just because they don't go to the cemetary daily doesn't mean that they don't miss those they've lost and just because they aren't there doesn't mean they aren't remembering. I know that when I'm not there at Myles's grave I'm still loving, missing, and remembering my son. A huge thanks to all of my friends and family who are remembering Myles with us today and every day!

Here are some pictures of Myles's grave. I've added a few items since I took the first couple of photos, but you can see them individually pictured at the bottom.

The flower arrangement I made for Myles.

A hanging pot of flowers from Grandma Kristi & Grandpa Joe.
A space shuttle from my dear friends, M & J, and their late son, Charley.

A Brew Crew ball from special Auntie D and Uncle J.

A cute ceramic frog from my blogger friend, Cortney.

Myles's Christmas Ornaments

I finally decided to put up a tree, but because we weren't sure if I'd actually decorate it we used the fake one. I prefer getting a real tree, but this year is different. We didn't feel like venturing out among all the happy families to select a tree, so the fake one it will be. Anyway tonight I decorated the tree and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I decided that putting up a Christmas tree would be the extent of my holiday decorations.

The ornaments I bought to remember Myles this Christmas:



The ornament my parents bought for us:

The ornament my friend, M, gave to us to remember Myles: